


I Really Wanna... Just Dance

by Kailer_The_Mess



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alcohol, Dancing, Fluff, Gay, Gay Panic, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Light Angst, M/M, Murder, No Sex, References to Depression, Sex Toys, Shit gets deep, Slow Burn, Tae is that a weed?, Vape, Yoongi has Depression, broken bone mention, cursing, do i tag with body horror for that?, heavily implied depression, it was weed, mild drug stuff, mob mention, someone broke a bone, twas jungkook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-08-22 22:50:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16606916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kailer_The_Mess/pseuds/Kailer_The_Mess
Summary: I wrote this because I got Trivia: Just Dance stuck in my head, enjoy this trainwreck slowburn fic but be kind please it's my first BTS fic.





	1. Trivia: First Meet

It's Saturday night!!! That means it's time to hit the club, give it some life this fine Saturday. Me and my friend Jimin went to the club that our mutual friend Taehyung works at, he lets us get the first drink for free. “TAE-TAAAAAE~” Jimin calls out as we walk over to the bar.  “Jimin! Hoseok! My two favorite regulars. The usual?’” “yes!!! The usual.” I roll my eyes at Jimin’s excitement and watch as Taehyung mixes our drinks “‘As usual, first one’s on the house, but the others you have to pay for.”

 

“Yeah it’d suck if you got fired, thanks Tae. So, let’s cut to the chase, which of these hotties do you think I have a chance with?” Taehyung rolls his eyes as he hands us our drinks. “Making me do your scouting work for you again? You have eyes, find someone yourself.’” I give him an exaggerated pout “but you work the bar...which means you know who’s likely gay and can point out the straight boys that I should avoid.” “Hmmmm...you’re right, of course, but it’s fun watching straight boys get all flustered as you flirt with them...i’ll tell you this much at least; of the guys of seen tonight, the one that are likely gay, none of them really seem down for a one night stand, so you’ll either have to work real hard for it tonight or buckle down and get ready to start dating again.”

 

I sigh and silently sip at my drink while Jimin pouts “Ugh I was really looking forward to taking another guy home tonight...I guess i’ll stay here and keep you company instead, Tae.” Taehyung nods. “So long as you don’t distract me from work.” Jimin smiles mischievously and I finish my  drink, ordering another one before walking the club floor. I scope the room out carefully, doing my best to steer clear of anyone who might be straight and talking to guys who I think I might like. A few girls come up to me and try to talk, but I smile and politely let them know that i’m not interested in girls and wish them luck on finding a nice guy.

 

It’s about an hour of small talk with various other guys at the club before someone really catches my eye, he has the cutest little smile and mint dyed hair, but he’s with a friend so I have to be careful not to seem too biased, if the friend is uncomfortable then the guy I want will be a bit upset. I finish the drink that someone had bought me and stride over to the pair “Hello~ my name is Hoseok, would you too mind  if I talk with you both for a small while?” The friend speaks first. “Hey, I’m Namjoon and that’s my friend-” “Call me Suga, unlike Joon I don’t give out my name to every guy that tries to talk to me”

 

The mint haired one, Suga as he calls himself, sips at his drink, a slightly amused look on his face. “So, Hoseok? What do you want? Sex? My number? Or could it be your just lost? Do you need directions on how to get away from me?” Suga doesn’t look like he’s upset with me talking to him, if anything his tone of voice shows that he’s playing hard to get, like he’s challenging me, so I give him one of my sweetest smiles. “Oh, Suga~ you don’t have to be so mean. I only want a dance.” Suga scoffs and rolls his eyes, trying to hide the little smirk that appeared on his face when I asked him to dance. “Dance? With you…hmmm i don’t know… my cup is empty, maybe if you refill it I’ll let you dance with me.”

 

I nod “sure thing, what’re you drinking?” He smirks again, a devilish little look that just makes him look more charming. “Guess, but if you guess wrong i’ll be /very/ disappointed.”  He puts extra emphasis on the word ‘disappointed’ and for some reason it makes me even more eager to please him “Don’t worry, I think I know exactly what to get for you, i’ll be right back, don’t go flirting with anyone else. But what about your friend?” “What? Joon? He’s married, he’s only here because I needed a designated driver. Don’t worry about him, just bring me a drink”

 

With a small smile I walk away from the two of them and back over to the bar “Yo, Taehyung, question.” “Give me oooone minute Hobi, i’m making my specialty.” I wait patiently as Taehyung carefully mixes a drink, pouring it it into the glass slowly and adding a dash of different colored liquors, both for flavor and aesthetic, topping it all off by using a dropper to drop in this gold looking liquid that slowly slips to the bottom before handing it to the customer. “Enjoy! Now then, what’s the question, Hobi?” I gesture to the rest of the club behind me “Cute mint dyed hair boy, calls himself Suga? What’s he been drinking all night?” Taehyung smirks at me.

 

“Ooooh, you’ve picked another regular. We call him sweet Suga, though he usually acts like he has such a bitter personality, he likes to play hard to get, he can be a real tease and his intentions are never clear… you’d think someone like him would be into the sour or even the strong drinks buuut he actually loves our sweet drinks, only ever looks at the sweet side of the menu, kinda like you. I’ll give you a large Peachy Sunrise for him, it’s one of his favorites.” I smile “that's what I like to hear! Thanks Tae….hey, where'd Jimin go?” Taehyung silently points at a corner of the club, I turn around to see Jimin pressed against the wall, fervently making out with someone. I roll my eyes “of course, he better be done by one or I'll leave him” Taehyung laughs “No you won't! I won't let you leave him with me all night.” I simply smirk at him as he hands me the drink “thanks, put it on my tab!”

 

I take the drink and carefully make my way back over to Suga, he gives me a smirk smile as I approach him. “You came back, I thought I scared you off.” “oh no, you can't get rid of me that easily. Here, I got you a Peachy Sunrise.” He looks surprised, showing off the cutest smile, looking like a gummy bear with jelly teeth, as he takes the glass from me. “Holy shit I love these!” I smile at him, the happiness on his face making my heart feel warm. He takes a sip from the drink before changing his demeanor to look bored again.

 

“You've done good, Hoseok. I guess I can bear to give you some of my time. Keep up the good work and you might just get the dance.” I can barely hide my excitement when he says that, flashing him a bright smile before saying “I'm glad I'm doing so well, I'd hate to have to go home without getting to know you better.” I watch him curiously raise an eyebrow.“Is that your code for sex? Because I'm not here to get laid tonight, i'm here to have fun, maybe make a friend or two.” I give him my cutest pout “Do I seem like the type of guy to only be concerned with sex?” He takes a long sip from his drink, his eyes seeming to darken a bit. “Looks can be deceiving, Hoseok, prove to me that I can trust you.” I don't know how to respond to that, so I don't.

 

The silence is a little awkward so I decide to break it “so, do you have a job, Yoongi?” He nods “Yeah, i’m at an animal shelter, I won’t tell you where though, don’t want you stalking me” “Oh, I work at a school! I teach kindergarten.” He raises an eyebrow at me “Really? Cool. hey, how do you feel about puppies? Or animals in general I guess” I all but squeal at the mention of puppies “awe I love puppies! When I get a house of my own, or maybe a bigger apartment, I want a golden retriever.” He must like my answer because he smiles at me.

 

“Your personality kinda reminds me of a golden retriever.” I chuckle “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I watch him smirk. “Don't you have a brain? Figure it out.” I give him my cutest little pout “you can’t just tell me, Suga?” he rolls his eyes “that. The way you act cute like that, you remind me of a golden retriever: hyper and eager to please.”I can’t help but perk up at the description “You think i’m cute?!” Suga sighs, his cheeks turning red as he takes a gulp of his drink. “I think my glass is almost empty-”

 

I chuckle “So then...do you want to dance now?” he hums, twirling the glass in his hand lazily, and watching as the liquid swirls inside. “I dunno… sucks right now… and i’m only a little tipsy… maybe after one more drink..?  Besides I like talking like this. It shows that maybe, just maybe. You’re worth my time.”I smile at him “If that's the case then I'd say that you're growing to like me “

 

“Don't push your luck! Ho… Hoseok… your name is long, i’ll call yooou- hmm… ho..bi?” I can't help but laugh a little “That's what my friends call me! How’d think of it?” “cuz your name’s Hoseok and your a little bitch.” He watches me for reaction as he sips his drink but I just grin at him “But you like this little bitch” He just shrugs. “Maybe.  Just maybe. can you bring me a strawberry cream beach next, Hobi?” He smiles softly and I nod “Sure thing, Suga.” “Yoongi.” “What?” I give him a confused look as he silently hands me his empty glass. “My name is Yoongi, and thank you, Hobi, for the drinks…”

 

A huge smile spread across my face “  Yoongi~ what a nice name! it's my pleasure to get to know you like this Yoongi~”  he rolls his eyes and tries not to smile as I walk over to the bar “Tae-tae! I need a strawberry cream beach.”  he gives me a small surprised look. “He’s Still talking to you?” I nod “ yeah! I think he's starting to like me,  he told me his real name.” “Wait wait- are you actually in here trying to date someone?” I turn to face Jimin, who's just sat down at the bar, and I shrug.

 

“Dunno, but I like his vibe, and I like him, so I at least want to be his friend” Taehyung smiles while Jimin rolls his eyes. “Cute” “Gross” I laugh. “Screw you Jimin! Oh- Tae here, Yoongi gave me this?” I hand over the empty glass and Taehyung turns and puts it in the little sink area behind him.  “He does that, it makes my job easier if I don't have to go looking for like 100 glasses at the end of each shift. Aaand here’s your strawberry cream beach, you two enjoy.” I smile “Thanks Tae, see ya, Jimin.” “Don't come back married!” I roll my eyes as I ignore Jimin, getting ready to walk away when I remember something. “Tae! Yoongi says the music sucks, can we get something better?” He rolls his eyes with a small chuckle. “Yeah yeah, I got you.” I nod and walk back over to Yoongi who greets me with a small smirk. “There he is! There’s the persistent boy.” I can’t help but laugh at the greeting  “It’s me! I got your drink~” He gives me another one of those gummy bear smiles and takes the glass from my my hands, happily taking a big gulp from it.

 

“Aaaahhhh~ shit’s delicious… you wanna try some, Hobi?”I smile “Can I?” He nods and hands me the glass so with a small shrug, I take a sip from it, eyes widening in surprise at the taste. “Wow, this _is_ really good! I can’t believe I’ve never tried these before. They might become my new favorites…” He gives me a small smile “What’s your current favorite?” he takes the glass from my hand and sips at it, the smile never leaving his lips, he looks so cute. “This month it seems the blueberry sunrise but last month it was the passion fruit sunset...the month before it was the morning sunrise… Tae says I’m addicted to the sun because I often fall in love with drinks that talk about the sun, I say it’s just because I have a bright and sunny personality.”

 

Yoongi chuckles, shaking his head softly “That makes us opposites then, I like sweet drinks but they’re usually darker colored ones, my friends always joke saying im ‘emo’ or whatever because I like dark colors and I hate waking up before noon but I just...like the dark, I like the moon and I like dark color schemes and things. But I will admit to having a more gloomy personality, that doesn’t mean i’m a pessimist though”I nod “That makes a lot of sense, I think it’s nice though, having people like you, you still know how to have fun, obviously, and your not really a buzzkill or anything, the main difference between us, so far, is our energy.”

 

He gives me a sheepish little half smile “Yeah… you get it. I like that you get me, Hobi. Aahh but that means you’re proving yourself. Fuck at this rate I will owe you a dance.” I laugh a little at this “Is that a bad thing? I’ll have you know I’m a great dancer.” “Oh, I don’t doubt that, but… hmm nah, I won’t bring that up, if you keep this up maybe i’ll tell you one day, but not today.” That catches my attention “One day? Does that mean you want to be my friend Yoongi? Are we becoming friends.” He smirks and drinks his drink, ignoring my question in favor of finishing it. He sighs softly when it’s done, standing up from the spot where he was sitting, and he’s somehow even more handsome now that he’s so much closer to me. “Excuse me a moment, I gotta go hand in my glass.” I watch as Yoongi walks away without another word, and as I watch him walk I can’t help but think of how absolutely beautiful this man looks, and I find myself even more excited to get to know him, and form a friendship with him. Who knows, maybe one day in the future we’ll be more than friends. I patiently wait for Yoongi to come back, though he seems to be taking his time, having a small conversation with Taehyung at the bar before finally walking back over to me. “Alright, I've talked to your friends over there, they’ve told me how terrible you are as a person, kindly forget my name and leave me alone.”

 

To say I was shocked to hear this is an understatement, it was so out of nowhere it felt like I had been slapped in the face. “Wh...what..? That’s not true! I’m not a bad person…” The serious look melts off his face and he smiles “I’m kidding, Taehyung says your great, and the one with the lavender hair… Jimin? He says he can’t stand you but that your still a good person.” I breathe a sigh of relief “You scared me for a moment! And don’t mind Jimin he’s a brat, a good guy, but still a brat, especially when he drinks.” Yoongi chuckles and nods “He reminds me of my friend Jungkook, sweet little bunny boy by day, annoying little asshole by night- I can not stand his bitch ass, always pulling pranks, thank god he’s too young to drink or i’d be babysitting him as we speak. He’s a good kid though, real loyal, got alot of love in his heart.”

 

“Oh Jimin used to make me babysit him, because he’d come with me, even though he was 20 at the time, but I preferred it that way because if he got into trouble at least I could help, or even better I could keep him out of trouble.”  Yoongi tilts his head “How old is he now?” “He’s 22 now.” He nods, seeming to hesitate before leaning in and asking. “What’s Taehyung’s _real_  age? He says he’s 26 but he doesn’t look like hes 26, he acts like it, but...I mean there’s no way he’s really that old?” I laugh

 

“Okay okay, you can not tell anyone this, okay?” He nods and I continue “So...the owner of this place is a complete dumb ass, has this like don’t ask don’t tell type policy? So when he interviewed Tae, he was still 19, about to turn 20, he needed a job, right? So he applies here, completely spur of the moment, and this bitch applies with his fake ID instead of his real one and Jimin and I are both like ‘dude you’re gonna get arrested-’ but he does it anyways, so his fake ID says hes 23, about to be 24 and his dumb ass boss doesn’t even bother to double check, no background check, doesn’t even run his ID to see if he’s really legal. And then he gets the fucking job and just never bothered to correct it so now it says he’s 4 years older than he actually is, he’s 21 right now, he’ll be 22 in December.”

 

Yoongi laughs, shaking his head in disbelief “That’s amazing, but if it works why change it? He’d be fired on the spot if they found out now I bet.” I shrug “probably not, he’s their best bartender, but still, best to keep it a secret” The song changes then and I smile “Hey, this sounds like it has a good beat, wanna dance.” He rolls his eyes and nods “Sure, let’s go, make it worth my time.” He smirks as I pull him onto the dance floor. The music is upbeat but smooth, setting the mood almost perfectly, it starts off just a little slow but neither of us seem to mind.

 

We simply merge in with the crowd of dancers, moving our bodies to the rhythm, a little awkwardly, but still just happy to dance. The lyrics are nice and simple, too making it feel hopeful, even a little energetic, the music pairing the lyrics gives it all a magical feeling that just makes me feel warm inside. _‘’It’s weird, we’re connecting too much. Feels like everything will go well.’_ It almost feels like the song is talking about this moment right now. Yoongi and I both, I hadn’t expected to connect with him like this, but we did, it’s weird but everything is going well, so who am I to complain? The rhythm of the song allows for the two of us to dance pretty close to each other, not touching, but close, dancing together while still being separated. _‘I like the feeling of being with you. I like the feeling of dancing with you.’_  I smile, the lyrics seeming to perfectly convey how I feel, Yoongi notices and rolls his eyes, his cheeks turning a bit red. “Are you enjoying yourself Yoongi?” He doesn’t respond, just keeps dancing and I follow his lead, using this opportunity to show off just a bit.

 

We both get lost in the song, just content to dance with each other like this. It feels a little deeper than just dancing to me, it feels like this was meant to happen, like we were supposed to meet and connect like this. _‘Our heartbeats are in sync, you’re getting to know my heart too. I wanna keep this going, I like you like I like to dance. So your my love, yeah my love, that’s what I like.’_ I can feel my face heat up at that line and Yoongi blushes too, the two of us getting distracted by the lyrics as we make eye contact. Neither of us are dancing, for that small moment, it’s only a few seconds, and neither of us talks as we look into each others eyes, but still it feels like something was communicated.

 

When we start dancing again we’ve gotten a little closer, dancing a bit more intensely now, not daring to break eye contact. There’s something special going on between us, and I can tell Yoongi feels it too. Without even noticing it, the two of us have started mirroring each others dance moves dancing the same dance at the same time without knowing what the other would do next, somehow, we still stay in sync. _‘I felt it, baby. This moment, you and me baby.’_  I feel Yoongi grab my hand and I break eye contact for a moment to look at our joined hands, smiling softly, I look back into his eyes. “They’re watching us...Hobi.” I can barely hear him over the music but I can still hear that softness in his voice, he sounds almost hesitant. _‘This all fits together like a math formula, baby.’_  I give him a small reassuring smile and gently squeeze his hand _‘Even obscurities, baby. Even difficulties, baby. Because of you, I’m comforted  from all of that baby.’_

 

“Let them watch then.” I say confidently, leading him in the dance, the two of us hand in hand as the rhythm kicks up again. _‘I felt it, baby. This moment, you and me baby.’_  The repeated lyrics only seem to solidify this feeling, whatever it is I like it, and I want more of it. _‘Even rough breathing, baby. Even shedding sweat baby. Because of you it all has meaning baby.’_  I feel myself smile brightly, pulling him closer and watching as he giggles a small bit, mouthing the next line of the song _‘i like the feeling of being with you.’_ I take it just a little further and sing the next line _“I like the feeling of dancing with you.”_  Yoongi blushes a deep red, gently shaking his head. We keep dancing, both of us feeling happy as the song comes to an end all too soon.

 

The next song starts up not too long after, but we aren’t dancing anymore. We silently stand there, still holding hands, foreheads pressed together, hearts pumping fast from whatever just happened. Whatever that was, it was way more than a dance. Yoongi’s the one to pull away, slowly as if he’s reluctant. He clears his throat and looks off to the side “I guess you really are a good dancer. I had fun, thank you.” I smile brightly “You’re a good dancer too, thanks for dancing with me… do you want to go sit for a bit?” He nods and we leave the dance floor together, sitting down somewhere off to the side where it’s just a little quieter.

 

“I like you, Hoseok… maybe we can be friends, give me your phone?” I unlock my phone and hand it over “I’d love to be friends with you! I have alot of cool places we can hang out together at, you can bring your other friends too when we hang out, maybe we’ll all be friends” He shrugs “Maybe, maybe not. But for now… here’s my number. Call me sometime. It’s getting late, so I’ll be leaving now but… thanks for a good night, Hobi, if it wasn’t for you I would have died of boredom.” I smile brightly “It was nice to meet you Yoongi! I hope I can see you again.” He smiles, leaning in and whispering into my ear “Count on it.”

 

When he pulls away his smile has turned into a devilish smirk and he gestures to his friend, telling him he’s ready to go. I wave to him as I watch him leave and he waves back. It’s not until he leaves that I look to my phone and see that he’s saved his number under ‘Min Yoongi ’and its so childish but I can’t help but smile at the kissy face, even my heart does a little flip at that. Excited I rush over to the bar “I got his number oh my god guys I got his number!!!! He put a kissy face next to it he likes me oh my god he likes me!!!!”

 

Jimin rolls his eyes hard and makes a gagging noise but Taehyung smiles. “Wow you got his number? Congrats! So then tell me, how did the night go?” I take a seat next to Jimin “Well I started by introducing myself, we talked, I got him a few drinks, we danced-” “Oh, yeah I recorded that, it was so sappy I planned to use it as blackmail.” I giggle, gently shoving Jimin “Blackmail me? Not a chance, send it to me though- but yes we danced! We were so close, his eyes are so beautiful- he’s such a pretty man, stunning, absolutely handsome. After the dance we sat and we talked and he leaned in- god I thought he was gonna kiss me...he didn’t. Not even a kiss on the cheek, but he whispered in my ear that he wanted to see me again before leaving.”

 

“Did you really just fall in love with someone at a club?” Jimin sips some of his drink and I take it from him “At least I didn’t stand in the corner of the club and get laid.” I take a gulp of Jimin’s drink before passing it back. Taehyung almost doubles over with laughter at the look on Jimin’s face. “Holy shit Hobi when did you have the chance to notice that?” “I didn’t see it, his hair gave it away.” Jimin glares at me weakly, fixing his hair. “I’m not a slut you know.” “Woah woah Jimin. Chimmy, calm down. I’m not accusing you of being a slut, did I say that? There’s nothing wrong with liking sex, or having sex- though I do hope you used a condom- it’s just, you know i’m more of a romantic, I like dating, and you’re more of a…” I trail off trying to think of a nice word.

 

“A playboy?” “Yeah! Thanks Tae. You’re more of a playboy, you don’t like being tied down, and that’s fine. But don’t sit there and try to make me feel bad for being a romantic, because, as was just seen, you don’t like when I point out your sexual habits, right? We both like what we like, and they’re both different things, we should respect that instead of making fun of each other, alright?” Jimin is silent for a while before sighing softly “Right yeah, sorry I must have gotten a bit too drunk or something. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad Hobi, i’m sorry.” I pull him into a hug and ruffle his hair “I forgive you, and sorry I poked fun at you too, I had to teach the lesson...yaknow, you always get at least one tipsy lesson before we go home.”

 

He chuckles softly and shakes his head “So are we going home?” I nod “yep! Time to go home, we’ve both flirted, got what we want, drank, got in a life lesson from me while tipsy, club night is complete.” “I’ll call a cab, you two get home safe, remember to eat and drink some water when you get home.” I smile at Taehyung “yeah, we will. Thanks for being such a cool bartender Tae, see you next week?” He playfully rolls his eyes.  “God, please no, your both trouble, i’m banning you.” Jimin giggles “You love us Tae-tae!” Taehyung smiles and calls us a cab, we both wave goodbye to him and head out of the club to wait for the cab to arrive. “You know, Jimin… I have a good feeling about tonight. I’m excited to see Yoongi again one day.” He pats my shoulder. “You know what? I hope you do see him again. Good luck, okay? I’m rooting for you.” I smile brightly at him “Thanks, it means alot.” The cab doesn’t take too much longer to arrive, we get in and just like that, our night ends.

 


	2. Trivia: Let's Talk

I sit in Namjoon’s car, pleasantly drunk and happy, a small smile on my face as I watch the scenery blur together through the window. “So… this Hoseok guy.” “Don’t even start Joon- you’re gonna tease me I already know.” I hear him scoff next to me. “You literally told him I was married so you could have him all to yourself.” “With how you and…..and- Jin! Swallow each others faces you might as well be married! The only reason you aren’t married yet, I bet, is because you’re both so young.”Namjoon chuckles and shakes his head. “You have a point. And, no, I wasn’t going to tease you, I wanted to congratulate you. You’ve always secretly been a hopeless romantic and now you’re finally acting on it. You’re letting yourself fall in-” “If you don’t shut up I will _literally_ vomit in your lap-”

 

I glare at him but he just laughs “Okay okay, you win… Sweet Romantic Suga.” I sit up, turn to him and gag as he gasps and smoothly pulls over. I don’t actually throw up on him, not yet, but I do smirk in satisfaction as I sit back and continue looking out the window “Drive.” He sighs and keeps driving. I feel my phone vibrate and groan, not really wanting to answer. See it’s almost one in the morning, which means it’s supposed to be quiet and peaceful, anyone with half a brain knows better than to answer anything at this time, it’s gotta be spam.

 

Besides why should I pick up my phone when I can sit and watch the moon through this window?  So I fully intend to ignore my phone, when it vibrates again. “Fucking what-” I groan louder and, annoyed, I pull out my phone, unlocking it with my thumbprint and going into my texts. Two texts from an unknown number, at one in the fucking morning. They read: ‘hello?’ ‘is this the right number?’ I have no clue who it is, and i’m kinda drunk, so I text back the only thing that makes sense.

 

 _‘Who the fuck is this and how dare you text me at this ungodly time, you better have a good excuse for contacting me or i’ll find you and hurt you.’_ I wait for this mystery person to text back, it doesn't take long and soon i get a response _‘Yoongi!’ ‘It's Hobi!’ ‘From the club?’ ‘hiiiii~’ ‘i just got home and wanted to text you so you had my number’ ‘are you home yet?’_ I smile at the texts, rolling my eyes.

 

“This piece of shit…” I text back _‘introduce yourself first next time.’ ‘im not home yet, but im almost there.’ ‘your going to bed now right?’ ‘night Hobi’_ I hate the way my heart feel warm as I text him,big deal, he's cute. I've seen cute guys before, there's no reason for me to be reacting like this. Shit's annoying. Despite that I still get too excited when Hobi texts back. _‘yes! im sleepyyyyy~’ ‘good night Yoongi!’ ‘get home safe and when you get there; sleep well!’ ‘lets talk lots tomorrow._ ’ 

 

“Oh I can't stand this bitch-” I groan and curl up in the passenger seat, covering my face as I try to wipe the blush away. Next to me Namjoon laughs “What's up Yoongi? What happened?” I sigh and glare out the window “This bitch really just gonna sign his text with a goddamn heart like his bitch ass isn't fucking  cute enough I can't stand him- i'll block his ass the fuck. I'm Min fucking Yoongi I don't play games like this.” ! This shit is for…weak bitches like you! Love at first sight...I don’t do that! Not me! I’m a bad bitch I… I don’t fall this easily… I hate him. Namjoon, what the fuck?” I sigh and look over to him, pouting.

 

“It’s not love at first sight Yoongi, that doesn’t really exist, if it helps think of it more as like… a gut feeling that a relationship with this person would go well. You know, deep down, what you like in a person and when you were hanging out with Hoseok you saw alot of the qualities you like in him, so deep down, you know that you’re more likely to have a good stable relationship with him. That’s all.” I sigh loudly “that’s still love at first sight but… thanks I guess, I feel better about this… just a bit.” “Why are you so upset over this?”

 

I notice we’ve stopped, there’s a red light, Namjoon is looking at me now and he seems a little concerned. “I don’t know just… I don’t date alot, I've never really been dateable? I was pretty popular in high school and I wanted to date but whenever I tried and actually got into a relationship my partner would get upset when they saw my softer side, saying things like ‘I only date bad boys’ or ‘I didn’t think you’d be this soft’ and most hurtful ‘I didn’t realize I was gay just to date a boy that acts like a girl’ and just… I already like him so much? I barely know him, and he barely knows me and somehow he’s lowered my guards… i’m scared… scared i’ll get hurt, again. Yes he _looks_ like a nice guy and he _looks_ like he wouldn’t have a problem with my softer side but… what if i’m wrong?”   


The car starts moving again and its silent for a while, Namjoon is silent, thinking. When he speaks again his words are hesitant, as if he’s still thinking. “Hyung… I know it sucks, being hurt over and over like that, but how can you tell it’ll be different if you don’t even give him a chance? Yes, there’s a possibility you’ll get hurt again, but there’s also the possibility that you two are a _great_ couple! That you’ll work together really well and complete each other in ways you’ve never even imagined. Taking the fall is scary, and you can’t be sure of the outcome, but you can’t live your life in fear of the outcome either. Those experiences, no matter how painful or happy they are, they shape you into who you are today, and who you’ll be tomorrow. To deny them is to deny your own personal growth.”

 

I stare out of the window again, watching the sky, the stars, the moon. I don’t reply for the longest while, letting the feeling of the car and the view of the sky calm my nerves, to help soothe my mind. I almost fall asleep like that, honestly, but I see my house appear in the distance and sit up properly “Thank you… Namjoon. I needed that… I-I’ll let myself fall. Maybe for once they’ll be a good outcome.” I can see Namjoon smile through the mirror and I roll my eyes softly. “I’m proud of you, Yoongi.” “Yeah… whatever.” About five minutes later he finally pulls up to my house, I thank him for driving me and tell him to get home safe before heading inside. I don’t even have the energy to get to the bed but still I force myself upstairs, strip down to my boxers and crawl into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

 

The next day I wake up, just ten minutes shy of it being noon. Groaning I stretch out and get ready for the remainder of the day. I check my phone, that I forgot to charge, to see a text from Namjoon and Hoseok. The one from Namjoon simply says _‘I got home, talk to you later’_ I give a sleepy half smile _‘good morning. It’s not noon yet so it counts’_ I then check the message I got from Hobi, which was sent at 9:30 in the morning. _‘Good morning Yoongi!’ ‘If your not busy today, can we hang out?’_  I sigh softly, already nervous just reading the text, I respond _‘It better be somewhere worth my time.’ ‘name a time and a place.’ ‘oh’ ‘and I just woke up so your treating me to breakfast’ ‘or lunch, whatever, I don’t care’_ I put my phone to charge then go and take a nice hot shower to help wake me up.

 

Last night is just a little foggy, but I can still remember it. My most vivid memory from that night is dancing with Hobi, that moment we shared, that spark in his eyes… no doubt he felt something too. I remember Namjoon’s words as well, letting myself fall. I want to take my time, I need to get to know him, for real and then maybe we can move onto something deeper. I get out of the shower, dry off and head back to my room, checking my messages again. Namjoon hasn’t replied, he’s probably busy working or with Jin, but Hoseok has. _‘There’s an amazing dumpling place near my house! I’ll come pick you up, text me your address?’_ I make a face, thinking about it before responding. _‘No.’ ‘text me the address of the place, i’ll meet you there.’_ He texts me the address and so I get up, get dressed and head out to meet him.

 

It’s a very nice day today, the sun is bright as hell but I have my shades on, so it’s not too unbearable. It’s warm at least, as it should be for early June. It’s nice enough out that I could walk to where i’m supposed to meet Hoseok, but it sounds like it’s far, and i’m really hungry. It’s so much faster to just take the bus and walk the rest of the way. So after a 15 minute bus ride and an extra five minutes of walking I arrive at the dumpling place and find Hoseok waiting outside. His whole face lights up when he sees me, his smile almost as bright as the damn sun. “Yoongi! You made it! I’m glad, I didn’t think you’d actually come.” I shrug “Its food that I don’t have to pay for? Why would I miss that?”

 

He giggles and grabs my hand “Right! You can get whatever you want, my treat and then maybe we can go for a walk? Visit a park, it’s a nice day out, I want to enjoy it.” “Yeah okay, I don’t mind spending some time with you.” He smiles again, he does that alot it seems, smiles, he has a nice smile i’ll give him that, he just has so much energy too. We head into the shop together and are seated at one of the empty tables. I stare at the menu for a very long time, everything sounds so good when your hungry, but I don’t want to go overboard, it’s not my money being spent. Sighing I put down the menu “Decide for me? Let’s see what your taste in food is like.” He nods “Okay! I’ll be sure to pick something you’ll like.” I give him a sly smirk “Good luck, I’m a picky person.”

 

He doesn’t seem to mind at all, giving me this confident look as he calls the waiter over and silently tells him our order. When he’s done he turns his attention to me “So! Yoongi, tell me more about yourself? More about your job? What do you like?” I sigh softly “Daegu born and raised until I had to move for college, still in college, full time student, part time at the animal shelter, i’m studying to be a vet. My parents help pay rent for where I currently live, since it’s a small place, the rent’s not too bad so they don’t mind most times, and most times I can pay it all myself. I like sweet drinks, spicy foods sometimes, I love music hmm and sleeping… there’s more but that’s all I’m telling. Your turn.”

 

He takes a deep breath and thinks about it for a moment “Well, I’m in college too, I’m 23 by the way, I’m studying to be a teacher but for now I’m a full time student and through the work study program I was lucky enough to get a job as like… a teacher’s assistant for kindergarten but the teacher I work with, he’s really nice he lets me come up with the lessons sometimes and treats me as an actual teacher rather than an assistant. I dorm on campus with Jimin, I like sweet drinks, I’ll sometimes eat spicy foods, but not often, I like sweet things. I’m a sweet boy. I like dancing and I somehow managed to fit dance classes into my schedule. I go to school in the mornings, Tuesday Thursday and Saturday, in the afternoons on Thursday and Saturday that’s when I dance. Monday, Wednesday and Friday is when I work and I have all of Sunday free. I want to work hard to make myself and my mama proud of me and so far i’m really happy with myself.”

 

I nod, genuinely interested “That… sounds like alot of work. I go to school late in the afternoon and go to work late in the morning, like around 11 and i’m there until  three most days sometimes four. All my classes are crammed into Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday then I usually work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Fridays and weekends are free, though I’ve been thinking of trying to rent out studio time, see if I can record a few songs.” Hoseok perks up “You write your own songs?!” I can feel my face flush and I just shrug “Sometimes, it’s nothing special.” He smiles brightly at me, and I know what comes next _‘can you show me a few?’_ but thankfully before he can ask, the food arrives.

 

It smells so good, I thank the waiter, pick up my chopsticks and eat. The dumplings are steamed, I love when they’re steamed it, it makes the flavors taste so much better. They’re chicken filled too, spicy chicken. It’s amazing. Conversation all but dies out as we eat, making comments here and there about how good it is, if we like it, things like that. When we finish eating I sigh happily, leaning back in the chair with a small smile. “Fuck… that was good. You know, that was a risky move ordering the spicy chicken dumplings, what if I hated them?”He shrugs, a smile on his lips “You would have made them take it back, probably. You seem the type.”

 

“Yeah I would have! Lucky for you, I enjoyed it. Thanks for treating me, Hobi.”He nods “Thanks for coming with me, you still want to go for a walk with me? It’s summer break after all, we should make the most of it.” I simply nod and Hobi gives me another bright smile, all white teeth radiating pure happiness. It’s blinding, but it makes me happy to see. I watch as Hoseok pays for everything and a part of me feels bad so I take out my wallet, look at the bill, and offer to pay half. He seems surprised but allows it anyways, taking my half and putting it with his half to pay. We leave not long after paying and he links his arm with mine.

 

“That was nice of you Yoongi~ I wouldn’t have mind paying for the whole thing though.” I shrug “It was nothing, don’t mention it… more importantly, my arm?” He smiles at me. “You don’t do this with your friends?” “My friends? Namjoon is always busy sucking his boyfriend’s face off, and Jungkook is a little bitch, i’d be suspicious if he tried to hold me hand or anything, knowing him it’d either be to beg me for something or to prank me into doing something- or worse he’d fucking pick me up again.” Hobi laughs “He picks you up?” “He will literally pick me up and toss me somewhere or pick me up, carry me somewhere and drop me there. He’s a strong little bitch, i’m convinced he accidentally drank steroids instead of milk as a kid.”He laughs even harder at that, nearly doubling over and I stand there, a small smile on my face as I watch him laugh.

 

Happiness is such a good look on him. It makes him look so angelic, just pure happiness, even his laugh sounds so cute. It’s annoying how he makes my heart race like this, I can’t stand him, really I can’t. Part of me wants to let go of his arm and just run home, never contact him again so that way I know for sure I won’t get hurt. I’ll be upset at first but it’s better than a broken heart. But then, another part of me just wants to cup his face and kiss him hard, just deal with whatever consequences there might be as they come. But i’m scared. I’m so scared. I don’t like getting hurt, and I don’t think I could handle getting hurt by him, not when he’s such an angel.

 

The thoughts make my heart hurt and when Hoseok’s finished laughing I gently pull my arm away and put my hands in my pockets. “He sounds so mean… I hope he doesn’t hurt you.” I push those thoughts out my head and just focus on now. In response to Hobi I shake my head “No, he doesn’t hurt me. He knows i’ll beat his ass if he does” He smiles, walking happily next to me as we just wander. “Tell me about your friends?” I look over at Hoseok, confused “Why?” “You learn more about a person when you know who they hang out with.” I nod slowly, thinking about it for a moment “You first then.”

 

He smiles “It’s just Jimin and Taehyung for me. Jimin’s a little brat but I love him, he’s a few months older than than Tae but right now they’re _both_ 21\. He’s a sweet kid most times, sometimes he lets his temper or...pettiness get the best of him, for example, last night he was making fun of me for being so interested in you? So when I called him out on being a different type of interested in one of the guys at the club, he got really upset- well, defensive really.” I interrupt him “Care to explain?” He sighs softly.

 

“He teased saying I was falling in love, I didn’t, by the way, so I accused him of having sex in the club, because his hair was a mess? And he- well firstly, he’s not a slut or anything like that. People are quick to slut shame him, that’s not what he is. He’s a good person, kind hearted, caring, supportive and loyal, not even all that selfish. It’s just that he has a high libido, so I’ve had to deal with him and his sexcapades from time to time. So I know what his ‘i just had sex’ hair looks like. Judging by his hair it looked like he just had sex, so I teased saying at least I wasn’t getting laid in the corner of the club.”

 

I cringe. “That must have hurt Jimin, no wonder he got defensive…” Hobi nods “Yeah he was hurt.. We talked it out on the way home, he didn’t fuck him, guy had a boyfriend, but the guy was getting really handsy with him, and Jimin hates that. Anyways the point was… right- He can be petty at times, and then he’s quick to get defensive, which is hard to deal with at times but he’s pretty understanding and willing to admit when he’s wrong. He’s a wild child, all three of us are. Taehyung, is probably the wildest.”

 

He chuckles to himself before continuing with his story. “Kim Taehyung, 21 and already well on his way to becoming a master conman. I honestly don’t even know know what he’s studying in college, I think he’s a liberal arts major because he always has the weirdest classes. He’s a weird kid, used to get bullied alot in high school, got called alien alot. He was the first one of the trio to come out, and then when he started getting bashed for it, Jimin came out, which led to Jimin being kicked out. My family took him in though, we didn’t have much but we couldn’t let him suffer. That kid’s my brother, legally and in spirit.”

 

There’s a small lull in his story before he speaks again. “But right! Tae-tae! He’s a mysterious guy, but very loyal, very mature for his age- when he needs to be. He’s the chaotic bisexual. He owns so many rings and earrings, i’m pretty sure he has a tongue piercing? His family life is stressful, his parents want him to date more girls, but the more they push the less he wants to be bothered. I think that’s why he acts so crazy, keeps so many things close to him. He reminds me of a genie. But all in all he’s a strong kid, reliable, resourceful and just a lot of fun to be around.”

 

He ends his little speech with a warm smile. “Wow… you three are pretty strong, sounds like you hold each other together.” Hobi nods “More or less. I can’t complain though. I had it pretty easy compared to those two. But we all rely on each other.” I nod “So, what’s your status in the group? If Taehyung is chaotic bisexual then you are…?”He laughs at me. “Tae’s Chaotic bisexual, I’m the energetic gay, or maybe confident gay.” “You’re _definitely_ a confident gay!” I interrupt with a laugh and he rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I am. Jimin’s the panicked gay. He’d be a confident gay if it wasn’t for all the shit that’s happened to him. But he’s more of a panicked gay as is now, which is fine.” I nod and after another small lull in the conversation he nudges me. “Your turn!”

 

I sigh softly “Well first of all, I hate all of my friends.” Hoseok laughs, again and the two of us find a nice park bench to sit on together. “Namjoon is your age, 23, i’m older, im 24. I’m in like… my 5th year of college, because of vet school, he’s training to be a scientist or some shit. He’s too fucking smart, he graduates for good in just one more semester while I have to struggle through another year, _and_ he skipped a grade in high school! Graduated with me instead of after me. He’s smarter than me and super philosophical, was even valedictorian, so I hate him for that.”

 

I take a deep breath “Jungkook is a toddler and i’m always stuck between punching him in the face and coddling him like the baby he is. He’s 20 now, He’s still new to the world. Like i’ve said he’s a prankster _and_ a literal piece of shit but if anyone even dared try to hurt him i’d kill them. He’s like… my son. I hate him too. Lastly is Jin, he’s the least problematic. He has a big heart and an even bigger stomach, he loves pink and plays ‘mother hen’ with us all- his words, not ours- he keeps us in line according to him. He thinks of all of us as his children and himself as our father, sent to guide us and smother us in love. He’s dating Namjoon. He’s the only one of us that isn’t in college. He already has a nice little house and a decent well paying job, I hope that’s me in a year.”

 

Next to me, Hobi giggles a bit “How old is Jin?’ “Jin is a year older than me, but his birthday is in December and mine is in March so he’s still 24 with me. He has a really comforting personality, gives good hugs, makes the best food. All in all… I love those guys alot. I’d easily go to jail with or for any of them no questions asked.” He smiles and leans on me. “Yeah, even though you said you hated them all, it sure sounds like you love them all alot. The affection in your voice was really obvious, they mean alot to you, don’t they?” I sigh and nod “More than I want to admit. I’d be lost without them.”  Hoseok gives me another one of those sunny smiles, and i’m glad that we’re outside this time at least because I have my shades on now.

 

“That means you have- wait… someone’s calling me.” He pulls himself away from me and stands up, pulling his phone out to answer it. He answers in his usual cheery voice. “Hey! Tae-tae, what’s up?” He goes silent for a while, the smile dropping off his face, all the color seems to drain out of his face too. He looks so upset all of a sudden, a look of pure dread on his face. When he speaks again even his voice is devoid of happiness, all serious. Something terrible has happened. “Tae, don’t go anywhere, okay? I’m on my way. I’ll call Jimin in case he can get there faster, wait for us, okay?” There’s another pause and Hoseok looks like he himself has been hurt. “Head to the dorms then, okay? Tae-tae. Listen to me. Breathe, alright? Don’t panic. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

  
The call ends not too long after that and Hobi sighs loudly, rubbing his face in frustration before turning to me. “Yoongi I’m-” “Don’t apologize to me. He’s like family, right? He needs you right now. I understand. Go to him. We’ll talk more later.” He gives me a small pained smile “Thank you…” Without another word he rushes out of the park and I hesitate a bit before standing and heading home myself. I can barely think straight as I walk back to the bus stop. My heart feels heavy. Whatever’s going on, I hope things turn out okay for everyone.


	3. Trivia: Best Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is cursed. you shouldn't read it. With that being said I offer up a small warning for towards the end of the chapter because sex toys are discussed and that may make a few people uncomfy.

You never really appreciate the simple things until your forced to, either by loss or emergency. I went on a friendly outing with Yoongi today, it ended early, something is wrong. We only went to the dumpling place a few blocks away from my college dorms. Jimin and I used to always complain because it’s a good ten minute walk away from the dorms and after the busy days we have, it feels like an hour. The park Yoongi and I walked to is only an extra five maybe six minutes away. I never once stopped to be grateful of how close it all was. Not until now, as i’m running from the park straight to the dorms. Eight minutes. That’s all it should take if I run. Eight minutes. 

 

But in situations like this eight minutes feels like eight years. I couldn’t stop thinking about Taehyung’s broken voice over the phone.  _ ‘Hyung… I- something happened, please…’ _ he rarely ever called me ‘hyung’. It broke my heart to hear him like that, and I couldn’t stop thinking about all the horrible things that could have possibly happened. Was it a home problem? A school problem? Did someone hurt him? The thoughts made me sick.

 

Eight minutes. That’s all it took before I got to the dorms, slowing to a speed walk as I rush in and to my dorm room. My hands shake as I try and fit the key into the hole, only to realize it’s unlocked. Jimin must already be here then. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever is on the other side of the door and I push it open. I’m greeted by the sight of Jimin and Taehyung sitting on our small dorm couch, Taehyung silently crying as he drinks a cup of tea Jimin must have brewed for him. I can’t help but notice that Tae’s covered in bruises, his lip is split and one of his cheeks are swollen. 

 

I walk over and sit next to Taehyung, sandwiching him between me and Jimin. “Tae-tae…? Are you okay? What happened…?” Taehyung pouts and looks down into his half empty cup of tea, sniffling softly he takes another sip from the cup before swallowing hard and lifting his head up.  “We… we got into a fight, my dad and I. He caught me flirting, it was just harmless flirting… he seemed like a nice guy. I got home and he just started yelling at me, calling me all these slurs and saying I was dirty, calling me a liar. Because he caught me flirting with a guy, so of course that means i’m lying about being bisexual.” 

 

Taehyung pauses, putting his cup down and holding himself tightly. Jimin pulls him into a tight hug and Taehyung whines softly, tears rolling down his cheeks, but still he continues his story.  “I tried to explain to him.. That just because i flirted with boys doesn’t mean I stopped liking girls. That’s when he hit me and he just kept yelling. I-I begged and pleaded but still he… I had to defend myself, so I fought back. I hit him.... I hit him over and over like he did with me and… I don’t remember but the next thing I do remember, he was on the floor. H-he’s alive! I didn’t… I didn’t kill him… but I can’t stay there anymore. I can’t get my clothes anyway, he might- I don’t want to be hurt anymore.”

 

With most of the story having been told Taehyung gives up on speaking and dissolves into broken sobs. He turns in Jimin’s lap and cries into his chest as Jimin holds him close. I scoot a little closer and pull the both of them into a hug and Taehyung’s sobs only grow louder. Jimin and I hug him, stroke his hair, gently rub his back and try to reassure him that it’s okay, we’re here for him. Even so, it takes a while for him to calm back down. He’s stopped crying by that point and is just silently clinging onto Jimin, his whole body shaking.  “I’m sorry… Jimin, Hoseok. I didn’t want this to happen but… I can pay for a third bed, I work after all, and I had money saved up in case I got kicked out… please, can I stay with you two?”

 

Jimin answers before I can even open my mouth  “Of course you can, Tae! We got three beds in this dorm for a reason. One of us will have to talk to the headmaster but we wouldn’t just abandon you. Especially not now, right Hoseok?”  I nod “Right, your like a brother to us Taehyung, and family doesn’t abandon family.” Taehyung nods his agreement and after a while he sits up and gives Jimin and I a weak watery smile.  “Thank you guys. Thank you so much… I need a nap, let’s talk more about this later.”  I stand and help Taehyung up, he’s still shaking, I can feel it as I show him the beds and point out the unoccupied one. He lays down, pulls the blanket up over his head and from there I guess he falls asleep.

 

“I’m gonna kill him, hyung, I’m gonna kill his dad.”  I look over at Jimin, who’s sitting on the couch, glaring down at the floor. I sigh softly and sit next to him, pulling him into a hug. “No, you’re not. Taehyung needs us, Jimin, what good are we to him if we’re in jail? I know you’re upset and angry, I am too. But we have to handle this calmly, we have to be the bigger people.” Jimin sighs loudly, leaning into me while pouting.  “It’s not fair, it’s not fair at all. All he did was flirt with someone and he got beat up, by his own dad too. You know how much that hurts? Being scared to so much as flirt with someone? But your family is nice, maybe you’ve never had to deal with that.”

 

“You’re right, I didn’t have to deal with that fear, I never have. I’ve always been free to love whoever I want. I’m sorry, I wish you and Tae had that opportunity too. You two deserve to be able to love freely too.” Jimin nods and is silent for a while before replying.  “We are now, I guess. It’s not like our parents are here to stop us. But that fear that they caused, that’s still there. I know Tae-tae wants to date, he’s told me before. We’d go to the park with his telescope, watch the stars and he’d tell me how excited he is to be able to date someone one day. He’s just never looked for someone, and rejected all the people who liked him because he was scared of his parents. His mom isn’t too bad at least, she seemed willing to accept it, to keep loving him but his dad has always just… I wonder if his mom was even there when this happened.”

 

I shrug “I hope not. It’d be nice if she still accepted him at least.” We both grow quiet after that, sitting on the couch and just thinking about all that’s happened today. I couldn’t stop thinking about Taehyung, i’m so worried for him, though he’s right there napping. The silence in the room is broken by a phone ringing, but it’s not my ringtone, or Jimin’s. We both look over to the sleeping area and realize it’s Tae’s phone, I should have known he’d have a ringtone that sounds as mystical as he is. After a few rings Taehyung sits up, removing the blanket from his head and sleepily answering his phone.  “Hello..? …. Mom?”  Taehyung pouts.  “I’m with Hoseok and Jimin. … No, I’m staying with them. I can’t live like that anymore mom. He hit me! I-I can’t go back to that.” 

 

There’s a long pause and I watch Taehyung’s reactions. He seems tense, but after a while longer the tension seems to melt off his shoulders and he smiles softly.  “You mean it…? Why didn’t you tell me?” I watch as Taehyung smiles more, he seems very happy, whatever his mom is telling him, it must be good.  “Yes, of course! I love you too, mom, I love you so much. See you then, bye bye.”  He hangs up and turns to us, a big excited smile on his face.  “They’re getting a divorce! They’ve been waiting for the paperwork to go through for months, apparently it went through today, that’s why mom wasn’t home. When they were working things out it was decided that dad would keep the house, so mom went and found another one. We move in next week and best of all? She wants me to live with her! She says I deserve to be free of dads tyranny and she said she’s even excited to see me bring home a girlfriend or boyfriend one day. I feel like a teenager again.” 

 

We all chuckle a little at that, it definitely does sound like a situation a teenager would find themselves in. But either way we’re all happy for him. The three of us all hug and we stay that way until Taehyung pulls away.  “Okay, enough of that. Too many bruises, hugging hurts a bit.”  He sighs  “I’m in a good mood! Good mood- oh, Hobi, weren’t you on a date? I interrupted didn’t I? Sorry. But how did it go?”  Jimin perks up too.  “Oh yeah! How’s your boyfriend, Yoongi, right? You wouldn’t shut up about how much you liked him last night.”  “Don’t be a brat Chimmy- he’s not my boyfriend. We’re friends.”  “A friend you wanna kiss, right?”  Taehyung says, smirking at me and I roll my eyes. 

 

“We went to have dumplings at the dumpling spot a few blocks from here? We ate and talked, he seemed more relaxed around me this time, at the club he seemed a little tense. I think he’s starting to like me, every time I smiled he seemed just a little lost, it was cute. He has such a nice laugh too, a nice voice, pretty eyes…”  “We get it! You wanna be his boyfriend.” Jimin interrupts and Taehyung laughs lightly at that, I watch as he takes out his vape, takes a long drag from it then blows the smoke up in the air. “Cotton candy this time, Tae?”  “They didn’t have root beer. Finish telling us about your date.”  I roll my eyes but continue.

 

“We talked and ate and got to know each other better. Then we went on a walk and I came home. But… okay yeah, I really like him. It seems he likes me too so i’m hopeful that things will go well for us. And even if we don’t wind up being boyfriends, we can always be friends, you know? Either way I want to take it slow, to be sure.” Taehyung smiles at me.  “Cute, i’m happy for you. Get your man.”  “Thanks Tae.” He nods, blowing out more cotton candy scented smoke into the room. I get up to open the window before sitting back down.  “Yeah, good luck Hobi. When do we get to meet him? I have to make sure he’s not an asshole.”  “He talked to us last night Minnie, don’t you remember?”  “Jimin wouldn’t remember, he got drunk last night.” 

 

Jimin pouts  “It’s foggy, okay? I remember some things but other things are foggy. I remember recording you dancing with him. Why didn’t you two kiss?”  I roll his eyes and Taehyung chuckles.  “You can’t just kiss people when you first meet, not if you’re trying to date them.”  “Thank you Tae, finally someone understands.”  “How would you even know, Tae-tae? You don’t date.”  Taehyung turns to face Jimin and blow a ring of smoke into his face, laughing when Jimin tries to swat at the ring.  “That was a perfect smoke ring you just ruined- anyways. Jimin. Life is hard. We both know this. Love is like… a forbidden fruit, for the three of us, more so me and you than Hobi, but still, it’s a forbidden fruit. I crave this fruit, I have a strong desire for it. I am a romantic at heart, Jimin. I love love, the thought of being in love, the feeling of having crushes on others.”

 

I smile at Jimin just rolls his eyes.  “Don’t make me throw up. That doesn’t even answer my question.”  “Well yeah, your question was stupid so I’m not answering it.”  I laugh and Taehyung smirks taking one last drag from his vape before putting it away. Jimin glares weakly at him and gently shoves him away which makes Taehyung giggle.  “Anyways, on the topic of romance, as of today I’m allowed to fall in love. You two, mostly Hoseok, will be my wingmen. I need some clothes from my house, my earrings, my rings, my lip rings too, i’ll stay here and think of all the people I see that I could maybe flirt with.”  “We’re doing it today?” 

 

Jimin looks at Taehyung in confusion and Taehyung just nods  “I don’t want to sit here all day, I might get sad again, I want to keep this good mood.”  Jimin groans softly  “Fine, we’ll be back but be warned I hate your wardrobe.”  “Did I ask if you liked it? I don’t care. You know it looks good on me.”  I chuckle and grab Jimin’s hand. “Come on Chimmy, let’s go get Tae some clothes so we can help him flirt.” He nods and the two of us head out. 

 

“I’m glad everything’s seems to have worked out well today. I’m especially happy for Taehyung, I was really worried.” Jimin and I are waiting at the bus stop, he seems to hesitate before replying to me.  “I don’t like the fact that we’re leaving him alone. It feels rushed. He got good news yeah but… he was so torn up when he first came in, Even if he did nap a bit and get some good news, I don’t think that’d be enough to put him in such a stable mood. I know i’d still be deeply upset, when I got kicked out it took half a month for me to recover. I know everyone recovers at different rates but still… it’s suspicious. If anything i’m more worried about him now than I was before.” 

 

I have to think about that for a moment, we’re both silent as I do. After about a minute or two I nod slowly “You have a point, we couldn’t leave you alone after you got kicked out, we probably shouldn’t leave Tae alone either. Just to be safe. But also… he’s such an enigma, maybe he really is feeling better? He’s so mysterious after all. I wouldn’t say it’s impossible for him to be okay.” Jimin gives me a wary look.  “Call him. Let’s be sure before we get too far.”  I nod and pull out my phone to call Taehyung, putting it on speaker once the call connects.  “Hoseok? What’s up? Did you forget something?”  I shake my head even though he can’t see it. “We just wanted to make sure your okay to be alone before we left. What are you doing right now? What’s on your mind?” 

 

There’s a pause on the other end before Taehyung speaks  “I’m cleaning the blood off my lip, then i’m going back to napping. I might eat if you have something I can microwave. I… honestly I think i’ll be okay. There’s alot on my mind but i’ll be fine. Just focus on getting my clothes for me. Oh and don’t forget my fashion glasses. Thank you!”  “You’re welcome, nap well Tae.” He hangs up and I turn to Jimin “He’ll be okay. Let’s give him a bit of space, trust him. He’s pretty strong.” Jimin sighs loudly and runs a hand through his pastel purple hair  “Fine. Let’s hope he’s being honest with us.”  “Hope is my middle name! I believe in him. Let’s go.” The bus pulls up to the stop and reluctantly Jimin gets on with me. 

 

The ride is silent, we both just sit and wait. During the ride I text Yoongi _‘Suga~’ ‘Yoongles~’ ‘what’s up?’_ _‘i will literally block you, never call me ‘Yoongles’ ever again’_ I laugh softly at Yoongi’s message and wait as he types another one. _‘I was working on something.’ ‘is your friend okay?’_ I smile at the text, Yoongi was concerned too, how sweet. _‘Yeah, Tae’s fine now.’ ‘He’s resting’_ _‘oh good.’ ‘since he’s okay you owe me another date’_ I smirk at that _‘a romantic date just you and me?’ ‘how direct of you Yoongi!’_ _‘what the fuck?’ ‘no?’ ‘my bastard friends want to meet you because they’re excited that i’m making friends again’_

 

I pout a small bit but text back  _ ‘oh yeah.’ ‘my friends wanna meet you too.’ ‘but like outside of a noisy club’  _ _ ‘deal.’ ‘when do we meet?’ ‘and don’t say tomorrow, i’ll kick your ass’  _ I giggle  _ ‘so then how about the day after tomorrow?’   _ _ ‘you’re so annoying.’ ‘fine let’s meet the day after tomorrow’ ‘3 pm, i’ll text the address tomorrow’  _ I smile  _ ‘see you the day after tomorrow, yoongi!’  _ “Hey! Hoseok!!! It’s our stop!”  I look up in surprise as Jimin shakes me, quickly registering his words I rush off the bus with him and sigh “Sorry! I’m so sorry! I got distracted” Jimin runs a hand through his hair as he sighs at me.

 

“Let’s just get this over with. I don’t want to be around his dad for too long.”  I nod. Without another word the two of us walk down the block to Tae’s old house. I ring the bell while Jimin stands behind me. The door opens to reveal Taehyung’s dad who frowns when he sees us.  “Of course he called you two. You’re here for his things right? Hurry up and take them.” Jimin scoffs and walks inside I give a small tense smile and a soft “Thank you, we won’t be long.” before following Jimin inside. The entire walk over to Taehyung’s room is filled with Jimin grumbling about how much he hates Taehyung’s dad, and how much he wants to hit him, and this talk continues even as we enter Tae’s room and packing his things.

 

I completely ignore Jimin as we pack, not really wanting to hear him talk about how much he wants to hurt this man. I only pay attention to him again when I realize he’s gone silent. I look over to see what he’s doing, he’s standing by Taehyung’s dresser holding something in his hands. “Jimin..? What’s up?” He turns to face me, and in his hands is a pair of boxer with pictures of elephants all over it, and where the slit is supposed to be is an elephant trunk. It’s the corny boxers that you always hear about but never thought you’d ever actually see in your lifetime.

 

Taehyung has elephant boxers. Taehyung has elephant print boxers with an elephant trunk directly over the crotch. Jimin and I are both speechless. But why are we both speechless? Is it because we’re so surprised? Is it because it’s unexpected? Is it because we didn’t think these things were real? Or is it because this is a perfectly normal Taehyung type thing and we’re both deeply disappointed but not even the slightest bit surprised? “Jimin…”  “Hoseok…” “What- that’s…” Jimin nods  “Yeah… disgusting-”  “Disappointed, disgusted, but not surprised.” We sigh loudly and reluctantly pack the boxers. 

 

Luckily there aren’t any other super weird boxers there, unfortunately we did find a speedo or two and it was so horrible. So horrible. We had to fold and pack those things. We worked together to try and survive Taehyung’s underwear drawer. We were getting close to the end and were thankful that it was almost over until Jimin touched something and all but screamed. Moving the underwear on top Jimin and I were able to see just three objects. There’s nothing wrong with these three objects, in fact, it’s perfectly healthy.

 

Hell, Jimin has similar items that he used to leave lying around, I have just one, it’s fine. But usually, the only person to touch these items is the owner. In the drawer, under all the underwear, was a cock ring, a butt plug, and a dildo. But the  _ absolute _ worst part about this, aside from the fact that we have to touch and move these things, which, let’s be honest, have probably never been cleaned properly, is the design on them. The cock ring is blue, that’s its original color i'm sure, but for some reasons there’s pink clouds painted on it? The butt plug is a bright vibrant yellow, with a big green gem glued to the bottom.

 

The dildo. The dildo is almost too horrific to describe, I want nothing more than to erase the image of it from my mind and never ever think of it again. See. When you hear the word ‘dildo’ any normal, reasonable, sane person, imagines something dick shaped. But for some reason. Taehyung heard the word ‘dildo’ and decided that, for him, it would be something, that is not dick shaped  _ at all _ . The dildo is a tentacle. But it looks like there’s something in it, and there’s an opening, on both ends. There’s an opening in the base, and an opening in the tip.

 

“Okay, Jimin, which of us-”  “I refuse to touch  _ anything _ in that drawer right now I would literally rather go get ran over by a car.”  I sigh. “Okay.” I reach into the drawer and pull out both the cock ring and butt plug, shoving them both into the suitcase before taking a deep breath and facing the drawer again. The tentacle. I have to move the tentacle. I reach in and grab the dildo, and the moment I grab it 3 egg shaped objects slither out of it. Jimin squeals and turns away. Apparently, Taehyung has some sort of egg fetish, because this dildo was designed to insert eggs into you. I want to cry, or maybe vomit. I pick up the eggs and shove them back into the dildo before shoving it into the suitcase.

 

“Okay… I’m gonna go burn the skin off of my hands.” Jimin nods and follows me into the bathroom where he turns the hot water on for me and squeezes the liquid hand soap into my hands.  “Do you want me to find some bleach for you, Hobi?”  I shake my head “I’ve burned it all off… let’s finish this. I want this to be over.” Jimin nods and the two of us head back to Tae’s room and make quick work of packing everything that we can, into 2 suitcases we found stashed in the closet. We double check to make sure that’s everything and that we didn’t miss anything before heading for the front door. “We’re leaving!” I announce to Taehyung’s dad, who is nowhere to be seen, thankfully. Without much more to do there Jimin and I head back to the dorm with Tae’s things.

 

When we get back, the room smells like cotton candy and we find Tae in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal.  “Welcome back. I see two suitcases, you guys took everything?”  I nod “Yep! Everything, all of it.” Jimin interrupts  “Even the things hidden in your drawer.”  Taehyung’s expression doesn’t change even a little bit he just nods.  “Cool, thanks. I really appreciate that”  He continues to eat and Jimin rolls his eyes  “Unbelievable.”  I chuckle softly at him and sit down. “By the way, we’re all hanging out Tuesday. Yoongi’s friends want to meet me, and I want you guys to meet Yoongi. So all, seven of us, I think, will be meeting up Tuesday.”  “Can I embarrass you?”  “Sounds fun! I get to meet new people.” 

  
I throw a pillow at Jimin. “Behave for once in your life please? This is important to me.”  Jimin giggles and hugs the pillow I threw.  “Fine, just this once I’ll behave. But you’ll owe me!”  I roll my eyes “You’re so exhausting, isn’t living with you enough?” That’s when Taehyung speaks up  “Actually, Jimin, don’t  _ you _ owe  _ him _ ? He did take you in all those years ago, remember?”  Taehyung does kind of have a point, but i’d rather not use that against Jimin “No no, don’t worry about that. We’re even, okay? No one owes anyone anything. We’re friends!”  “Deal.”  Jimin is quick to agree to that which makes Taehyung smirk. I have a strong feeling that things are about to get more chaotic in this little dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taehyungs vape looks like this: https://http2.mlstatic.com/vape-vaporesso-tarot-nano-80w-acompanha-brinde-D_NQ_NP_930855-MLB25893109762_082017-F.jpg


	4. Trivia: Seesaw Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which i make 101 Trivia: Seesaw song refs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuuuuh, the tags I added for heavily implied depression? yeah. warning of that for this chapter.

I’m in high school again. My first year of high school to be exact. I can feel that weight again, the weight that I had all but defeated, it sits heavy in my chest and on my mind, making me feel empty like it did back in those days. Middle school, even high school, those years were the absolute worse. I call it my demon, the heavy feeling in my heart. Because that’s what it is. It’s a demon that takes up space in my mind and heart, it weighs me down and makes it difficult to function. I must be dreaming  _ that _ type of dream again. 

 

I can only hope that it’s one of my more merciful dreams. I walk the halls of the school looking around, it’s the scenery I remember seeing as a freshman. It had only been a month since school started, I was still struggling to find myself, find where I belonged. My feet carry me to the music room, the place where I spent most or all of my free time in school. I’d sneak in, sit at the grand piano, and play. It was the only escape I had from my demon, the only rest I had from the thoughts in my head. Even now, in this dream, playing the piano like this, it fills me with a strong feeling of calmness and relaxation. All my stress melting away. 

 

As I sit and play, content with my fingers pressing the keys, time rushes on. When I open my eyes, i’m now a sophomore. I’m still seated at the piano, playing peacefully, when one of the boys walk up to me. Specifically, my first boyfriend. He slowly walks up from behind and kisses my cheek. “Skipping class to play the piano again?” I nod, playing out a few more notes before responding “Yeah… it helps me.” “Helps you with what baby? Or is it still a secret?” My hands slow to a stop and rest there on the keyboard keys. “It’s not a secret… it’s just not something I want to talk about all the time.” 

 

He sighs loudly and in my head my demon speaks up  _ ‘Here it comes. No one wants you. No one will ever want you so long as i’m here. Because you’re not normal, because you’re too cowardly to tell anyone about me.’  _ I stare blankly at the keys, focusing on ignoring that demon, telling myself it’s wrong. “Yoongi… come on, i’m your boyfriend, you can tell me anything. I understand everyone has their secrets but, maybe I can help you? There’s obviously something going on in your head.” I sigh softly and turn to face him. “I’m okay. I am. I just got a little overwhelmed, the piano helps me calm down.” He nods, seeming satisfied with that answer. 

 

I turn back to the piano and resume playing, time passes again, i’m in the gym now. It’s empty, I remember, my boyfriend asked me to come here. I stand in the middle of the gym and watch as he walks over. “Yoongi, you did it again. We were supposed to go on a date, remember? Why’d you stand me up this time? Was it the piano, again? What were you too overwhelmed by the fact that someone cares about you to come?” The words hurt, and I wish he wouldn’t say them. I wish I didn’t have to sit and hear him say them again. I couldn’t go because of the demon, it completely overwhelmed me, took me over and made me unable to move. I knew if I went I wouldn’t be able to hide the empty feeling in my chest. I knew he’d be upset either way.

 

But I never told him about the demon, so I can’t even explain myself without it sounding like an excuse. In my head the demon laughs and my heart hurts. “That’s… not it. I couldn’t… I got in trouble, my parents took my phone.” He glares at me “Don’t stand there and lie to me Yoongi, what really happened?” I look away and down at the floor. I can feel my throat tighten up, but I won’t cry. I can’t. I’m stronger than that, I need to be stronger than that. I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes “Why can’t you just believe me? Did you see any read receipts? Did you see me on twitter or anything like that? I couldn’t touch my phone, my parents had it.” 

 

He laughs, it’s a forced laugh, and then he sighs. “You know what? I’m done. I’m sick of trying with you, you keep secrets and lie to me, you don’t respect me at all! I’ve tried to be patient and understanding but clearly you’re not willing to put in any effort so fuck it! Fuck you! We’re over.” He shoves me as he storms out of the gym and I sigh deeply, clenching my fists, nails digging into my palms. I focus on the pain, the pain of my nails cutting into my hands. Because if I don’t focus on something physical, if I don’t ground myself, the emptiness will swallow me whole and I won’t be able to control my self.

 

Collapsing to the floor, on my knees, I let my forehead touch the cool gym floor. I bang my hands on the floor. My breath is uneven, stuttering as I struggle to remain, struggle to stay standing just on the edge of the emptiness. It takes a minute or two before I can stand again, a little calmer but not much better. I rush to the piano, looking calm as I walk, I can’t let anyone see me as weak. I’m not weak, i’m not. I can’t be weak. I’m Min Yoongi, i’m strong. No matter what, i’m strong, I need to be. I reach the piano, I sit and I play. It’s clumsy at first, awkward but the longer I play the more my mind is put at ease, the better I can breathe, the more control I have. 

 

I play until I smell food coming from the lunchroom, I take my stuff out of my locker and go home. From the comfort of my room, I cry. The next thing I see, takes place a few months after the breakup. Boyfriend number two. He’s a year above me, but I've been crushing on him for a while and he’s recently come out of the closet. I vow that this time will be different, so i’m more open with him. I show him my sweeter side, my loving side. Not even four months after we started dating he breaks up with me. “You’re too fragile and cute and sweet, like a female. I’m gay, Yoongi, I like men. I didn’t come out of the closet to date a guy that acts like a chick.” I remember he laughed at me as he broke it off, teased me for some of the things we had done together, it destroyed me.

 

The emptiness swallowed me up faster than I could react to it. I was just barely able to return to my room before breaking down. Stayed in my room for a week straight without eating, sneaking out occasionally for water. I slept the week away, the emptiness wouldn’t let me do anything else. I would have stayed longer, only the demon knows how much longer. But after a week Jin barged into my room with Namjoon and Jungkook and they dragged me out of bed, forced me to shower, brush my teeth, brush my hair. Jin made food and forced me to eat while Jungkook helped Namjoon clean up my room. When I finished eating the three of them hugged me tightly and told me I was loved, that they were here for me, that I wasn’t alone.

 

I sobbed in their arms. When I calmed down again Jungkook pestered me until I played the piano for him and when I was done I realized that the emptiness had let me go. It was because of my friends, because of the piano, that I was able to escape. Even so, though still dragged me outside. They treated me to ice cream, took me to an arcade, stole some beer from Namjoon’s house. We sat on a hill and all drank a can each, we couldn’t risk stealing more than that. Still it was enough for a pleasant buzz and a general bubbly mood. Then, when everyone was hungry again, we went to the nearest barbecue place and made fools of ourselves as we grilled the meat at our table. But it was filled with laughter and happiness. Just what I needed.

 

Time passes again, it’s my junior year of high school, the last time I had ever dated someone. For good reason too. Like me, my boyfriend had a demon in his heart, our demons were different, and we both did our best to be supportive and understanding. It was great at the beginning, we helped each other when things got hard or overwhelming. We’d always talk about how one of us helps so much more than the other, but in a good way, a loving way. We were aware of our bad days so instead of making the other feel like a burden we tried to find a balance, but with both of us carrying such weight, it was hard to stay balanced.

 

It wasn’t until halfway through our senior year that we started to feel burned out. We saw each others demons as a burden and helping each other just kept getting harder and more exhausting. It just felt so meaningless, why should I have to fight my demon and then help you fight yours too? That was the thought process at the time. We’d fight with each other at that point. “You’re putting to much pressure on me!” “You’re the bigger burden in this relationship!” “For once can you at least  _ try _ to get better on your own? I’m sick of you!” Hurtful words like that were thrown around as easily as breathing.

 

We couldn’t go a week without another argument, until one day we were so sick of it all that we just stopped. Comparing burdens like that, it was useless. It was as if we were on a scale, or maybe a seesaw, trying to balance it out was impossible from the start. The more we argued the more our weights shifted, the more times we’d go up or down on this seesaw. We both wanted to end this pointless game, but neither of us could. We were in too deep, we kept considering the other’s feelings and ignoring our own pain. No one wanted to be the asshole that caused the other more pain. 

 

It dragged on like this for months, all the while we barely even acted like a couple anymore. We were parasitic to each other, draining the energy out of each other. My own demon was elated, spent every day of this period to just make me feel even more drained. Thinking about it now, in this hellscape of a nightmare, the balance we had tried to hard to reach at the beginning had finally been achieved. We wanted to be balanced in our care and love for each other. Ironically, at that time, we had become balanced in our care and  _ dislike _ for each other. That’s not the type of balance I wanted at all. 

 

Sooner or later someone is going to have to end this. I can’t help but wonder, if we didn’t have feelings for each other, if we didn’t think of each other, would it have dragged on for so long? Since we don’t have feelings for each other anymore, things have become dangerous, in a way. Soon, we won’t be able to undo the damage done. The dream shows me the night I got that text, even if I knew it was coming it still caught me off guard, it still hurt. I felt abandoned, I stood all alone in the depths of my emptiness, and fully knowing how toxic it was, I refused to let go of him. It took another month before I could finally force myself to let go, after all. You can’t play on a seesaw alone. Sure, I walked on top of it for awhile, but with him no longer there, there was no point. I finally put an end to my suffering, I sit in my bed, delete and block his number, I text my friends to come over, they help me cheer up.

 

I wake up, finally, with tears streaming down my face. I try to comfort myself in the fact that i’m not in high school, tr to convince myself that I've moved past the pain that was high school. My demon that had been silent for so many months now, speaks up now in the midst of the dream that it surely caused.  _ ‘Do you remember now? Remember how useless you are? Remember how you’re undateable, how no one will ever love you in the way you want to be loved. I hope you know that you’re weak and useless. If you ever date again, we both know you’ll only fuck up and ruin it again.’ _ I shake my head.  I have to ignore it, I have to ignore the demon, I can’t let it beat me. I sit up and check my phone, through blurry eyes I can see that it’s three in the morning. I can’t play the piano this early. I panic, what else can I do? I’m all alone out here, I can’t afford to fall into the emptiness, I can’t afford to give in to the demon.  _ ‘That’s right. You’re alone. You’re alone because no one cares about you, no one loves you. Poor little pitiful Yoongi. Weak, useless, alone and unloved.’ _ I hear myself sob. It hurts. Deep in my heart, the thoughts hurt, and for a moment I believe it.

 

I believe my demon. And then, I remember. Holding down the home screen on my phone i say in a shaky voice “S-siri, call Jin hyung.” The phone takes a moment to process before I hear it reply “Sure, calling Jin now.”I sigh softly in relief and listen as the phone rings a few times, close to the last ring there’s finally a response.  “This better be one of my sons and it better not be Jungkook prank calling.”  Jin’s groggy half asleep voice filters through the receiver and the pain in my chest lightens a bit. “H-hyung, i’m sorry. I’m so sorry I just- fuck.”  Just as the relief rushes over me, I realize I can’t actually form a coherent thought and as I try to talk to Jin I just wind up tripping over my tongue and sobbing over the phone.  “Yoongi? What’s wrong? What happened?” I struggle to calm down enough to speak and as I do I can hear Jin whispering  “Namjoon wake up, you have to drive me to Yoongi’s house. Something’s happened, he’s hurt. He needs us right now.”  For some reason hearing that only makes me cry harder. Having people care for me enough to drive over to see me at three in the morning. “Hyung I… I dreamt of them, all of them, my old boyfriends I-”

 

I’m interrupted by another sob. It’s too difficult. I curl up and cover my face with my free hand and just let myself sob.  “Shhh no. Don’t try to speak anymore I understand. I’m on my way now, okay? Stay on the phone with me, we’re in the car now, Namjoon and I. Can you breathe, Yoongi?”  I shake my head even if he can’t see it. “I-it hurts hyung… everything, it just hurts. It hurts. Why…? Why now? I… I was doing so well and now it… this demon. I hate this, I was happy I was-” I’m not sure if I cut myself off, or if I was interrupted by another sob. Maybe I didn’t want to finish the sentence, because I know full well why the demon is back now. 

 

The next sob nearly chokes me and I cough violently, struggling to take in another breath before the next sob.  “Yoongi, Yoongi stop, breathe with me, okay? Come on. Deep breath in, hold it for four seconds, exhale slowly. I’ll do it too. In.”  I hear Jin take a deep breath in and I follow his lead, holding my breath for four seconds when my lungs can’t take in anymore, and exhaling with him. A small sob comes from me and I shakily inhale again, listening as Jin does the exercise with me. We do it together two more times before I can breathe normally then.  “Thank you… i’m better now.” Jin hums softly before replying  “You’re welcome. We’re only a few more blocks away, okay? Just hang in there a little longer. Maybe drink some water?”  “I have some beer-”  “Yoongi. You just had a breakdown., get some water.”  I don’t even bother with arguing and slowly stand on shaky legs as I leave my room and walk to the kitchen. “I’m putting the phone down for a moment.” I tell Jin before putting my phone down and drinking some water straight out of the jug.

 

I pick my phone back up and go to sit on the couch, I put the call on speaker mode and sit the phone down in my lap. “Jin? I’m back. I have water.”  “That’s good, how do you feel?”  “Like a burden.” Comes the almost instant response and I take a deep breath before changing my answer “No I just… feel really shitty right now… the demon is working real hard to fuck me over.”  “Any idea why?”  I do. I know exactly why. The one thing I never worked on, the one thing I ignored up until now, I've gotten involved in it again and I never learned how to manage my demon when it comes to this.  “I don’t know.” I lie, it makes me feel bad, but I can’t bring myself to admit to the truth either.  “Yoongi, can you open the door for us?”  I hang up the phone and walk over to open the door. The moment it’s open Jin pulls me into a tight hug.  “I got you. I’m here now. We both are. It’s okay, you’ll be okay.”  My eyes well up with tears as I hug back. “Thank you…” I whisper to him softly. He nods and we walk over to the couch where he holds me, running a hand through my hair as I lean into him.  “Tell me what happened?”

 

He says it like it’s a question but I know its not. “I had another dream… maybe more of a nightmare, I was in high school again, I had to sit through my most painful break ups. The one that ended because I didn’t want to tell him, the one that ended because instead of telling him, I hid it and went overboard. The one that ended because we couldn’t take it anymore… I had to sit through it all again, feel the emotions and pain all over again. Then I woke up and I felt  _ terrible _ I still do… just a bit.” Namjoon sits next to me on the other side of the couch, I watch as he thinks about all this for a moment.  “You haven’t had dreams like this in months… so let’s think about what’s changed, maybe we can figure out what’s caused it.”  I don’t want to. Just the thought of admitting it is terrifying. “No… let’s sleep, we can deal with this tomorrow. It’s Tuesday morning, we’re meeting with Hobi and his friends later today.”  “Yoongi...”  Jin starts, gently putting a hand on my shoulder.  “It’s time to stop running. We need to figure this out.”

 

I shake my head and stand up. “We don’t. I’ll be fine. I’m fine.”  Jin gently grabs my wrist.  “It’s okay. Don’t be afraid. You can say it.”  I whine and sit back down, sighing loudly. “Hoseok and I… we’ve been texting pretty often, we facetime too. We just talk, alot. Spent most of yesterday texting or face timing I…”I hesitate, silently doing the breathing exercise again to keep myself grounded. “I like him. I like him alot, too much. Way too much, it’s all too soon, we’ve just met and yet… fuck. I hate this. I  _ hate _ this. We’re supposed to be friends, just friends. I gave up on crushes and things like that after high school. This can’t be happening…” Jin pulls me into another hug.  “It’s okay. It’s not a bad thing. You’ll be okay this time.”  I don’t respond, I just silently lean into him.  “Remember what I said when you first met him. You have to let yourself fall, it’s the only way to know for sure what the outcome will be.”  “I know. I know… i’m tired. Let’s just sleep.” I go back to my room and let them figure out the couch situation. They know where all the blankets are kept, besides I feel too drained to properly help.

 

It’s a little difficult for me to fall back to sleep but eventually I do.  I don't dream, which is fine by me. I'm awoken at 10:30 by Jin who hands me a plate of food “Come on! Rise and shine! You have a big day today! Eat up and get ready, we're meeting with the others at 2.” I  groan and sit up in bed, take the plate and start to eat. Jin Leaves the room and I eat in silence.  When I finish I wash my plate, brush my teeth, take a quick shower and get dressed for the day. I walk into the living room where Jin and Namjoon are. “Hey, Jin? It’s only 11:12” He nods “Yes, it is.” “So why am I awake so early?”Namjoon answers for Jin “I’m taking Kook to get his hair cut and dyed. You can get yours redyed while we’re there if you want. It might help cheer you up.” I stop to think about it “I like being Mint Yoongi… but a new look would help my mood. Maybe I will… I think I need it.” Joon gives me a small smile and the three of us head off to his car. The drive to Kookie’s house is pretty uneventful, as is the drive to the hair supply store and then to the salon.  Once in the salon it doesn’t too long for Kookie and I to be seated. I let myself relax as my hair is dyed and washed and dried. Doing my best to ignore the empty feeling in my chest and just focusing on the relaxing feeling of fingers against my scalp, . I think about the meet up with Hobi and his friends that’s in a few hours, and that thought makes the emptiness more bearable.

 

When we’re done at the salon Jungkook’s hair is a deep red and mine has simply been bleached blonde. I fix myself up in the mirror, a happy little crooked smile on my face as I examine my new look “I really like this… I feel like one of those bad boys they tell you to look out for.” Jungkook laughs and gently shoves me.  “Please, if anything you look like a small blond puppy. Now  _ me? _ Hah. I look like i’m in a biker gang.”  “You both look like harmless marshmallows. Yoongi you’re a harmless yellow marshmallow, Kookie your a harmless pink marshmallow. Now come on, we’re gonna be late for Yoongi’s date.”  Jin interrupts us impatiently and I sigh. 

 

“It’s not a date.”  “Dates don’t have to be romantic, yoongi.”  I turn to face Namjoon who gives me a knowing smirk as he turns and heads out to his car. I don’t remember the car ride to the restaurant, I’m pretty sure I just dissociated the moment I got into the car. I do remember getting out of the car because I remember bumping into this guy, maybe an inch or two taller than me, with silver hair wearing this flowy white shirt with ripped blue jeans and converse to finish the ‘outfit’. He had this long dangly earrings on and wire rimmed glasses that obviously had no glass in them. I notice that he has a lip ring on his lip and that’s the last thing I notice before he speaks.  “Sorry! I didn’t mean to bump into you!”  The apology is genuine but this guy must have just finished dragging on a vape because the moment he opens his mouth smoke drifts out of it and fills the air with the scent of… cotton candy? “It’s… okay.” I feel like he should know him from somewhere. Like I've talked to him recently. “Hey are you-”  “Tae-tae! Get back here! What if Yo-”  I look behind silver boy to see Hoseok, who smiles and walks over.  “Yoongi!!! You’re here! What a surprise, we just got here.”

 

He hugs me tightly which both makes me happy and a little nervous. Due to the dream I had last night, I know today won’t be so easy. Especially interactions with him. “Yeah, hey Hobi, we just got here too.” I hug back and after a few moments he pulls away, still smiling.  “You’re blond!”  I nod “Yeah, just had it bleached. You’re pink” He giggles  “I’ve been pink since we met! It’s faded from when I dyed it red.”  I smile at him “It looks nice.”  “That’s  _ my _ line!”  He laughs softly and one of his friends clear their throats.  “Are you two done flirting yet or should we let you guys make out too?”  I shoot a glare at the owner of the voice. A light purple haired boy with a squishy face, he seems familiar too. Hobi rolls his eyes.  “Yoongi, that’s Jimin, and the one that smells like cotton candy is Taehyung. You probably recognize them from the bar, more so Taehyung than Jimin.”  I nod “Taehyung, right, I almost didn’t recognize you with all the jewelry, you don’t wear it to work.”He nods.  “It’s against the rules.”

 

“Well, Hoseok, Taehyung, Jimin, these are my friends Jin, Joon and Kook.” Kookie steps forward with a big smile.  “H-E-L-L-O I am the youngest gold-en bun-ny Jeon Jungkook, nice-to-meet-you!”  Jungkook says in an  _ obnoxiously _ cute rhythm while clapping his hands to every syllable. When he’s done he holds out his hand to shake everyone else’s hand while I stand and watch him deceive 3 people into thinking he’s cute.  When he’s done shaking everyone’s hand Namjoon steps forward.  “It’s nice to meet you all my name is Namjoon, I hope we can all get along well.”  He waves and the others wave back. Last is Jin.  “Hello everyone! I’m Kim Seokjin, you can call me Jin, as you can see I am very handsome but please be aware that I am taken.”  “I can’t stand you, I need new friends-” I groan.

 

With all the introductions out of the way the seven of us head into the restaurant, it’s a barbecue restaurant, and i’m looking forward to eating here again. Me, Jin, Namjoon and Jungkook sit to one side of the booth while Taehyung, Hoseok and Jimin sit on the other side. We all talk as we look at the menu, except for Taehyung, who just stares at Jungkook. A quick look at Jungkook shows that he’s staring at Taehyung. I don’t really have the energy to care, so instead I focus on what I want to order. I need to keep my energy up so that I don’t ruin this outing for Hoseok.


	5. Trivia: First Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! so, so far we've been alternating POVs per chapter, 1 chapter through Hobi's eyes, one through Yoongi's. but this chapter is told through both, Starting with hobi, so watch out for that!

I’m so excited for this, seeing Yoongi with his friends, and Yoongi seeing me with my friends. I’m hopeful that this will go well and allow us to get to know each other better. I sit across from him and we talk about what’s on the menu, what we’d like to eat, how the week is going and any plans we have for later. “Right now since it’s summer break I don’t have any classes, but I do still have my dance class! Maybe if your not busy you can come take a class with me?” I ask Yoongi and he shrugs “Maybe I will, who knows?” He always tries to act uninterested in certain things, but this time it seems as if he actually has no interest in going. In fact, he’s seemed a little out of it in general, since I first saw him today, it felt like something was off. “Hey are you…” I glance over at Taehyung who’s staring intensely at Jungkook, and being stared right back at by Jungkook. “What are you two doing-” they both answer at the same time. “I don’t know-” “He’s cute.” Jungkook seems surprised but this, suddenly sitting up straighter.

 

“C-cute…? Is that why you just started staring?” Taehyung shrugs. “That and… why do you seem so familiar…? Jungkook… Jeon Jungkook…. Oh. did we go to elementary school together?” Jungkook thinks about it for a while before nodding. “It’s you! The kid from outer space.” He smiles and Taehyung nods. “Outer space yeah, I remember that, that’s why everyone used to call me alien. They don’t anymore, thankfully.” Jungkook nods “Look at you now, still pretty weird.” “Yeah but I’ve embraced it. I vape now.” “Oh, flavor vapes or the other type?” Taehyung scoffs “Flavor vapes of course. I’m not in it to get high or replace cigarettes or anything like that. I just like that they taste like candy.” Jungkook grins “Yeah, me too.”

 

“Kook since when do you vape?” Yoongi asks and Jungkook just shrugs “About a year? I never mentioned it because I didn’t want to hear Jin nag me about it.” “That’s valid.” I chuckle at that. “Jin, when Yoongi was telling me about you he told me that you tend to take on the role of a father figure and mother hen them?” Jin nods. “Someone has to make sure Yoongi takes care of himself and that Jungkook doesn’t accidentally get himself beat up. Oh and i’m also in charge of making sure Namjoon doesn’t break everything he touches.” I smile at him “You know, when we first met, Yoongi said Namjoon was married to you.” Jin turns to face Yoongi with a smile on his face. “Don’t even- I did it because I didn’t want him to hit on your man. I know you hate when that happens. So to save everyone’s time I said Joon was married.” I give him a fake pout “Awww, and here I thought it was because you wanted me all to yourself.” Yoongi gives me a look that I can’t exactly decipher before looking back to the menu “Anyways. I’m ready to order, where’s the waiter?” There’s definitely something wrong with Yoongi today. Whatever it is, i’ll give him the space he needs, maybe he’ll be able to sort things out in his head.

 

“Wait I didn’t look at the menu yet. I was distracted.” Taehyung says softly as he finally looks away from Jungkook and to the menu. “So Yoongi, you sleep well last night?” He shrugs “Not really. Had a pretty bad nightmare, what about you? Did you sleep well?” I nod “Yeah, I slept pretty well, but I was also really excited so I woke up earlier than usual.” “You woke us _all_ up at seven in the morning! I need my beauty sleep, i’m gonna get bags at this rate.” Jimin whines and Taehyung shoves him. “We get it, pretty boy.” “Oh Jimin, if you want, I can share my skin care routine with you?” Jin offers and Jimin perks up “Yeah! I’d like that. Text it to me, here i’ll give you my number.” Jin nods and takes out his phone, unlocking it before handing it to Jimin who silently puts his number in and hands it back. Our waiter walks over not too long after that. “Hello! Sorry for the delay, my name is Nari, i’ll be your waitress for today, what can I get you all?” Everyone tells Nari their order and she writes it all down before she turns to Taehyung who hasn’t spoken yet.

 

“And for you sir? What would you like?” Taehyung takes a few moments to respond before saying. “I would like the honor of being able to tell you how beautiful you are. Like… wow. Your eyes shine like gold and your hair is such a pretty cherry red. Are those freckles on your cheeks? That’s adorable.” Jimin groans as I just giggle a bit, the rest of the table varying degrees of amused as the waitress giggles, giving a shy smile as she hides her face behind her notepad. “No stop. I’m not beautiful oh my god. Please. What would you like to eat?” Taehyung smiles softly at her. “You’re right, you’re gorgeous. Ahhh, what do I want to eat? Japchae is fine, thank you.” The waitress nods, writes down his order and then hurries away, tripping and almost falling as she leaves. “Never seen you flirt before, Tae. That was new.” Taehyung shrugs. “She was cute.” I watch as he pulls out his vape and I’m about to stop him when Yoongi speaks “Is that allowed in here?” Taehyung hesitates and calls over the nearest waiter “Excuse me, is it okay if I vape in here?” To my surprise the waiter nods and explains how they have air vents above each table and that the vents will take care of the smoke so long as it’s not cigarette smoke. With that settled Taehyung sits back in his chair, takes a drag from his vape and blows smoke rings up towards the vent.

 

“Hey, Taehyung? Teach me how to do that?” Jungkook sits up, leans on the table and smiles at Taehyung.  “Ah… I don’t know how to explain it… it's…” Taehyung pauses and takes another drag from his vape, blowing out a few rings before nodding slowly. “So, you take the smoke in, towards the back of your mouth, or maybe more the throat...yeah. Then what I do is, I touch the tip of my tongue to the bottom of my mouth and blow out, forming a ring with your lips as you do, obviously. I’m not sure that made much sense sorry. You wanna try?” Taehyung hands Jungkook his vape and Jungkook hesitantly takes it. The rest of us watch silently as Jungkook takes a drag from the vape, holding the smoke in for a small while before opening his mouth and blowing out two small clouds of cotton candy scented smoke and one wobbly smoke ring that fades almost as soon as it’s formed. Still, he gets really excited. “I did it I did it!!!! I’m  cooler than Yoongi hyung!!! I can blow smoke rings!!!” “At least I didn’t just put my mouth on someone else’s vape? Seriously Jungkook you don’t know Taehyung that well yet.”Yoongi points out and Jungkook just smiles.

 

“It’s fine, he thinks i’m cute. I’m sure we’ll get to know each other really well really quickly. Unlike you and Hoseok.” Half the table laughs at that and Yoongi just sighs loudly. “I’m not even interested in dating him. I just wanted a new friend. Is that so hard for you to understand?” He said that to get Jungkook to stop teasing him, I’m sure, but still those words hurt me too. Jungkook looks almost like a wounded puppy as he quietly hands Taehyung back his vape. “I’m sorry hyung, I was excited, I didn’t mean it…” Yoongi sighs softly and nods. “Yeah, whatever. It’s fine I guess. I’ll be back.” Yoongi stands and walks off to the bathroom. The air feels heavy once he leaves and moments after he does, Jin stands. “Sorry. I’ll go check on him.” Without much more of an explanation Jin walks after Yoongi leaving the five of us alone. “Soooo, Namjoon, right? You’ve been pretty quiet, what’s up?” Taehyung gives Namjoon a curious look. Namjoon just shrugs “Me? Not much. I guess i’m just a little worried about one of my friends, i’m not usually this quiet.” Taehyung nods. “Is it Yoongi you’re worried about? Because Hobi’s been facetiming him non-stop and he doesn’t usually act this bad.” Namjoon only sighs at Jimin’s question before nodding.

 

“Yeah today’s not the best for him. But he’ll make it through.” We all nod and then Jungkook pipes up. “Yoongi is a really strong person, I look up to him in alot of ways. I just wish he’d believe in himself more. You seem really positive, Hoseok, maybe being your friend will help him.” I smile at that “You know what? I hope it does help him. He’s a great person I can tell that much, but even I can see that he’s a little hard on himself.” The conversation ends there because Yoongi and Jin come back and sit back down. Yoongi somehow seems even more drained than he did when he left, his eyes are a little red and puffy. I’m sure everyone notices but no one mentions it. I greet him with a smile “Hey! Welcome back you two! Yoongi are you feeling any better?”  He nods. “More or less yeah. Sorry for earlier. Not used to hanging out with this many people, guess I got a little overwhelmed.” I nod “I’ll do my best to make you more comfortable then, okay? I want you, and everyone else, to enjoy themselves.” “Thanks. But don’t worry too much about me.” There’s there air of finality to his statement that tells me that there’s no arguing with him. So I just silently nod and let the conversation topic change.

 

~Yoongi’s POV~

I’m so mad at myself. I can’t believe I really shot myself in the foot like that _‘I’m not even interested in dating him.’_ Why’d I have to snap like that? Better yet why’d Jungkook have to take me there? Why is this so fucking complicated. My head hurts. I’m sitting back down at the table with the others now, listening to them talk and laugh, trying to gain some form of enjoyment from that. I’m just so tired. When I rushed off to the bathroom earlier I went with the intention to calm down, ground myself, splash some water in my face. Jin came in to check on me. We talked, I wound up crying out of frustration in a public bathroom which is a new low, even for me. He told me that I should try simply being more verbal about things, I don’t have to be completely vulnerable but being honest with my feelings, the positive ones at least, might help with some of the pressure on my mind. That’s pretty hard though, considering I can barely focus now. This demon of mine is really just bleeding me dry today, which I hate because it’s going to ruin my chances with Hoseok. I’m pretty sure I’m just on autopilot until the food arrives because I barely remember anything that happened in between me returning and food arriving.

 

I perk up as the food is placed on the table smiling a little at it. The table is quick to grow silent as some of us start stuffing our faces and the others start grilling their food on the grill. At some point I take over the entire grill, taking everyone’s meat and cutting and cooking it for them. “Oooh look at Yoongi! The grill master. Grill master~ be sure to grill this perfectly for me.” Hobi says as he hands me some more beef to grill and I roll my eyes. “Well I guess since you asked so nicely.” I put the meat on the grill and watch it cook while letting the others know which pieces are ready to come off and watching them take. I take for myself too, I grill mine a little harder than everyone else’s. It brings out more flavor to me.

 

With all the meat cooked the table goes quiet for real, which is fine by me. I relax as I eat with the others. This is better, for right now at least. Bonding my simply being close to each other.  From where I sit I see Taehyung and Jungkook do some complicated form of silent flirting, Jin and Namjoon taking turns feeding each other. Jimin is stuffing his cheeks, making him look more like a lavender colored mochi than a person. Hobi’s cute little head of pink hair, his soft smile as he eats, humming softly when something tastes real good. For a moment I imagine that i’ll be okay today. That i’ll be able to get through today without any more incidents. But then, one by one, everyone gets full and starts talking again and I just find myself growing more and more tense as they do. “Ahh that was great, they make really good japchae here. I’ll have to leave a tip.” Taehyung says with a happy sigh as he sits back and takes out his vape again. He must really like that thing. “You have leftovers though! I ate everything.” Jungkook brags and Taehyung just smirks, blowing smoke up towards the vent before sitting up.  “Why don’t you finish it for me then?” They both grow silent at that, just staring at each other and I roll my eyes.

 

“I ate too much…” Jimin whines softly and Jin giggles. “Me too Jimin, I overate.” “I told you to slow down Jin. will you be okay?” Namjoon fusses, Jin says something in reply, Jimin talks, Jungkook says something to Taehyung, who replies. It feels like the room is spinning. I get a text on my phone and take it out of my pocket to read it. _‘Psst Yoongi’ ‘you remember how much your meal cost?’ ‘put the money on the table then follow me.’_ I look up at Hobi in confusion and watch as he silently stands and leaves the restaurant. I glance at the other five, who are all too busy laughing and talking to notice. So I follow his lead, leaving enough to pay for my meal and cover the tip before silently leaving. I meet Hoseok outside who gives me a bright smile when he sees me. “Come on, let’s walk. You seemed tense.” I breathe a sigh of relief and follow him as we walk. There’s no destination in mind, we’re just walking, side by side in a comfortable silence and it relaxes me. I know i’m still on edge, and i’m all too aware of the empty feeling in my chest, but for now this is nice, this is good for me.

 

“Hey, Hoseok…?” He hums in reply, looking of to me curiously. “Do… you like the piano?” He smiles “The piano? I can’t play it but I’ve always liked the sound of it. I really admire those who can play it, it’s always so amazing to me. They can do so much and make it seem so effortless.” For some reason his reply makes my chest swell up with pride. “I… I want to show you something, come on.” I turn and walk with him to a bus stop. We wait in silence before boarding, it’s not until we’ve boarded that both our phones go off. “Ooooh, seems they’ve noticed we’re gone.” Hobi shows me his phone so I can see that he’s being called by Jimin, I show him mine too, Jin’s name is on screen. We both just put our phones on do not disturb and sit back as the bus leads us to our destination. “Where are we going anyways, Yoongi?” “Daegu.” Is my quick reply and it makes him laugh, which makes me smile. He doesn’t ask anymore questions and we ride in silence, side by side. It takes a while before I gently tap him and get off the bus and we walk the rest of the way until we arrive at my house. “It’s your home! Wow, i’m excited!” “I’m warning you right now if you try to rob me i’ll shoot you. Or if you try to hurt me at all i’ll make sure you regret it.” Hobi laughs, half nervously “You have a gun? Oh, don’t worry I could never rob anyone.” I nod and unlock the door, letting him in.

 

“It’s a mess because I didn’t clean it.” Hobi giggles and looks around “It’s a homey little place. One floor. The kitchen, the living room, I guess the bedroom is back there?” He points to an open door on the other side of the living room and I nod “Yeah, the bathroom is in the bedroom.” He smiles and walks over to the piano in the corner of the living room. “Wooow… you play piano, huh? You must really love it to have here.” “Yeah, I do. he’s been with me since I was a kid, he used to be my granddad’s, I think. He was always there in the corner of the room no matter what, this tired brown piano. Through hardships, good times, he was always there. He watched me grow and helped me grow. Even when I coldly cast him aside and pushed him away, he was there for me.”

 

I walk over to the piano and sit on it’s bench. “When I moved away… the hardest part was leaving him behind. The moment I got this house I sent to have him move in with me. I spent almost all of my student refund tending to him, replacing his worn down keys, making sure his strings were properly tightened, replacing any that were too worn down. Polishing is wood, repairing his bench. I ran out of money for textbooks and almost dropped out because of him, but it was worth it because he brings me great comfort. Nothing in this world, no one in this world, can comfort me as much as he does. He was my first love, and he’ll be my last love. My birth, my death, he’s there for it all.” The room goes silent as I place my hands on top of his keys, just the feeling of his ivory under my fingers fills me with such comfort I could cry. I whisper to him “Don’t ever let go of my hand, i’ll never let go of you again.” Though yes, he’s a piano, I swear I can feel a surge of reassurance from him and it makes me smile. “Will you play him?” Hobi asks softly as he walks over and stands behind me. I hesitate, for some reason, it’s intimate, the act of playing him. I don’t even know Hoseok that well, do I really want him to see? I look to my piano for answers, he seems to give me the green light. “Yes, I guess I will. What i’m about to play, there’s no sheet music for it. Most times I play my feelings out on him, so it can get intense. More than once I’ve looked up to find my friends in tears after listening. So… be warned, and do me a favor? Don’t interrupt.”

 

I look behind me and see him nod. I take a deep breath, face my piano and play. I’m not sure how much time passes, i’m not even sure of what keys I press. All I know is that, as usual, I start off slow, getting a feel for my own feelings before picking up in speed and intensity. I go until my hands start to cramp up, and keep going even after that. I play until all the emotions swirling around in my head, making my heart sick, are all laid bare. I play until even the demon can’t affect me anymore, and then I stop, breathing heavily as I stare at the piano. As always, when I finish, it feels like there’s electricity in my veins. It feels like I’ve been cleansed of all the negativity, the bullshit. I feel much more ready for today now, too bad we’ve already ditched lunch.

 

~Hoseok’s POV~

I stand and silently watch and listen as Yoongi plays the piano. I’m not exactly sure, but it feels like he played for about 12 minutes before stopping. He seemed out of breath afterwards, but honestly, so was I. He warned me, that it would get intense, but I took the risk anyways. I lift up a hand to wipe at my face again, I wonder how many times I’ve done that in the last 12 minutes? Either way, my hand comes back wet with tears. Actually, I’ve been crying for a while now. I’m not sure for how long, maybe 10 minutes.

 

Yoongi turns to look at me, and I can already tell he’s feeling much better. He _looks_ like he feels much better. I clap for him as I sniffle, smiling through the tears. I’m not crying because i’m sad, though it certainly was sad, i’m crying because it was so emotional, because his feelings were conveyed so clearly by the notes. He gives me one of his classic gummy smiles and gives me a shy little ‘thanks’. I watch him hesitate before he speaks again. “I’m sorry, are you okay?” I nod. “I’m okay! It just moved me, you play so well, and your emotions were conveyed so clearly. I felt it, I felt you, what you’ve been feeling. I’m sorry, I hope your okay.” he nods. “I’m more than okay, I’m great.”

 

He stands and walks over to the kitchen, returning moments later with some tissues. He stands in front of me and silently wipes the tears away for me. His hands are gentle, almost hesitant as he softly dabs at my eyes with the tissues, wiping the tears from my cheeks as well. He mutters something about how ‘you guys always cry’ as he finishes up, walking away to throw the tissues away. “Yoongi?” He turns to me with this sudden form of realization on his face. “Right. I don’t know what happened there. You just… your face reminded me of Jungkook’s, and he just always reminds me of a small child, I often wind up wiping his tears away for him. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

 

I shake my head “No no, not at all. It’s fine.” The two of us sit on the couch together, and it’s quiet if a bit awkward. “Hoseok? I wanted to… uh. Earlier, at the restaurant, with Jungkook? Maybe I didn’t mean what I said.” I tilt my head “What? You mean the stuff about not being interested?” He shrugs. “Maybe.” I nod and it’s silent again for a while. “I’ll be honest with you, Yoongi, I really like you. From the moment I met you, something just clicked, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Maybe you meant what you said, maybe you didn’t. But either way, I need you to know this; i’m _very_ interested in dating you.”

 

He doesn’t respond, just stares down at his hands before replying. “Yeah honestly, you’re really obvious. I knew you liked me all this time. I’m not stupid. But… if you’re going to like me enough to date me, you should know a few things. Firstly, i’m very closed off for a reason, been hurt alot, not willing for it to happen again. But… once you get passed that wall, maybe I’m sweeter, maybe i’m clingy. Maybe i’m “neither. I can be really annoying, especially in one of my moods and i don’t give you tips on how to deal with me when I get moody, it’s pretty much trial and error or you find out from my friends. If you ask, I tell, but I won’t tell unless you ask. The most important thing… I- fuck, i’ll just say it. I have depression, had it since middle school? I’ve all but overcome it, I have moments when it completely takes over and fucks me up. Today was one of those days, which is why I was so out of it. So, that’s the important shit. Go home, think about it, if you decide you still like me after learning about this, maybe i’ll give you a chance.”

 

I listen intently as Yoongi speaks and nod when he’s done. “Okay, I’ll think about it. Thank you for being honest with me Yoongi, I know it must have been hard, but I really do appreciate it. And thanks for showing me your house, and letting me hear you play the piano. I feel alot closer to you now because of it.” I give him a big hug before standing “But, I should head home, Taehyung and Jimin might be panicking, or spreading rumors, or both.” “Considering how hard Tae and Kook were staring at each other I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re making out by now.” “You know what? That’s a valid concern.” I giggle “I’ll go now. I’ll text you when I get home.” He waves. “Get back safe.” I give him a bright smile and head, out.

 

I get home to the scent of candy. I’m not sure what candy, but it’s candy and it smells sweet. “I’m home.” “Heyyy Hoseok, hows Yoongi doing?” Jimin asks from his spot in his bed, texting someone. “He’s okay! Feeling much better now.” He nods, and Taehyung turns to me with a smile. “I got Nari’s number, and Jungkook’s. I don’t know who I want to go out with more… but Hobi, I finally get to have that choice.” “You really flirted with the waitress? Right in front of Jungkook?” “I think he was practicing for Jungkook, but Kookie didn’t even get jealous.” I nod.

  
“Anyways. Tae, i’m very happy for you. But maybe see where things go with Jungkook? He seemed more interested in you.” Taehyung smiles “Yeah, he seems like a good choice. But I want to experiment with them both. I’ll take them both out on a date.” I plop down onto my bed “Good luck!” “Thank you! What about you? How’s things looking for you and him?” “Didn’t he say he’s not interested?” Jimin points out to Taehyung and I shake my head “He did, but he didn’t mean it. I have a real serious chance with him!!! He told me some things about him that he wanted me to know before getting into a relationship so i’m going to give it lot’s of thought before getting back to him. Actually i’m supposed to be texting him now.” I smile and Taehyung chuckles. The room settled into a comfortable silence as we all do our own things.


	6. Trivia: One Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I dont know how to do slow burn at all lmfao.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm more referenced abuse here but otherwise i dont think theres anymore warnings for this.

I’m not even sure if I made the right choice, telling Hoseok all those things. But I knew i had to, and that I had to do it at that time, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to tell him so calmly. I silently sit in my living room for a while, just thinking- thinking about way too many things at once. I sigh and pull out my phone, 12 missed calls. Six from Jin, two from Jungkook, four from Namjoon. I chuckle, they must have been really worried, I wonder what the others said to get them to stop calling me? I call Jin back, he answers almost instantly.  “Yoongi! Where’d you go!? Are you okay?” 

 

“Hoseok and I snuck out, came to my house. I’m better now, I got all that negativity out, played it out on the piano. Hobi stayed to hear it, he cried. But that always happens when you guys listen to me vent play.” there’s a pause, I can hear Namjoon quietly ask something in the background. “Are they both there with you? That’s fine, I won’t have to repeat myself. Anyways. Hobi and I talked, I guess. He admitted to liking me, which was obvious, he made it so obvious. But, I told him, told him about my depression you know just to warn him. Told him to think about that, I have alot to think about too.” 

 

“I’m proud of you Yoongi. It’s time you let yourself get back out there. Who knows? He might be really good for you.” I nod “Yeah sure. But thanks. God, I’m tired.  Oh, wait Jin, did Jungkook get with Taehyung? They looked like they were flirting, I think.” “We’re gonna hang out together tomorrow! We’re going to an arcade! Then he’s taking me to get my lip pierced!” Jungkook sounds excited as he talks into the phone and I smile a bit. “Alright, have fun but be careful, okay kid?” “Duh, have fun with your husband old man.” He laughs as he hangs up and I just sigh. “Can’t stand that kid.” I look around my house. I should clean up a bit, or maybe just nap. Yeah. Nap. I walk to my bedroom and lay down to do just that. Waking up two hours later, I slowly clean the house. I start in my room, move to clean the bathroom, the living room, then the kitchen. The last thing to be cleaned was my piano, I made sure to clean him very carefully. A simple wipe down with a damp cloth, no need to be repolished yet. Cleaned between the keys and around the strings, the inside. That’s better, a clean house. It took about an hour and a half to do the whole house, maybe two hours, I tool alot of breaks. But it’s done, and I got the chance to think as I cleaned.

 

I hope Hoseok has been thinking lots too. He’s part of the reason I took so long to clean my house, I got a text from him sometime during my nap letting me know he was home. We talked once I was awake, about what we thought of each others friends, planning to do it again when everyone’s free. The poor waitress that Taehyung wouldn’t stop flirting with. I told him what Jungkook had told me, and Hobi seemed really excited. Neither of us talked about _us_ which is fine. I don’t think i’m ready to make a decision today anyways. I’m glad to say that the rest of today went well. I facetimed with Hoseok, ordered in. watched him eat as he watched me eat. We hung up at some point. I went to shower then sat in my room with my phone. I didn’t do much, watched videos, got bored, went to the living room to play games.  But I couldn’t stop looking at my phone. Every now and again I’d check my phone, as if expecting something. It got annoying fast, so I put my phone in the kitchen and went back to playing. But even then, every ten or fifteen minutes, I’d go to the kitchen, get some water, check my phone. Which wound up being more annoying, because then i’d have to pee every like five seconds.

 

What was I waiting for? What was it that I was expecting? I know the answer to that. I wish I didn’t. Before I knew it, it got late. Or, early I guess. 2 am. Having had enough of my own bullshit I head to bed for the night. I dream again, but this dream makes no sense. All I remember from the dream is something bright, it must be the sun. I remember this distinct feeling of peace and happiness, something warm and soft in my hand, the feeling of grass on my face. A blur of pink and blond and blue and red, a flash of white. I wake up at 11:53 in the morning. Almost none, not that i’m surprised.  I brush my teeth, wash my face, consider combing my hair or something. But I don’t, too much work. But, I do put on a bit of eyeliner. Why? I’m not leaving my house. But in case I do, I guess, I just wanted to. I go and plop down into my bed, checking my phone, once again. There’s only one text, and it makes my heart stop cold. It’s from Hoseok, and all it says is  _ ‘We need to talk. Meet me…’ _ I unlock my phone and nervously go into my texts to see the full message.  _ ‘We need to talk. Meet me in the park by the dumpling shop at one’ _ I feel numb. It’s already getting close to 12:20, I’ll get there on time, for sure. But I sure as hell don’t want to.

 

If he’s just going to tell me that he wants nothing to do with me, then i’d prefer if he did it over the phone, through text. I want to text him ‘just say it, get it over with.’ but I know that’s just the demon talking, and I can’t let it get the best of me. I reluctantly get dressed and head out, walking to the park from my house instead of taking the bus, hoping it’ll help my nerves. It’s another great day today, a little windy but it’s so warm, very pleasant, I can only hope that it stays this way. By time I get to the park there’s only five minutes to one. My heart pounds in my chest as I wait by the entrance, lifting up my shades to check my messages, nothing. I sigh and look around, I don’t see him.  I glance up at the sky, the sun is way too bright, but there’s a decent amount of clouds and the sky. I always thought that clouds would be soft if you could touch them.  “Yoongi.”  I slowly lower my head and turn to face Hoseok, whose face looks way too serious for the Hobi I know. It’s unnerving, especially considering the text that brought me here.  “Hoseok.” is my reply and he nods.  “Sorry for calling you all the way out here, I wasn’t sure if it was okay to ask to meet at your place. This is a pretty private conversation after all.”  I shrug “we’re already here. If it gets to deep I guess we can go to my house.” He nods and silently walks into the park, I hesitate before following him.

 

We walk in silence for a small while before sitting on a bench in the heart of the park. “So, what do you want?” He chuckles softly  “That’s pretty forward of you, you must be nervous. Sorry. I don’t have any bad news for you Yoongi. I thought about it all day yesterday but… this feeling I have when i’m with you, how happy you look when your with me. I still want to date you. Yes, I know you’ve been hurt and I don’t mind working with you to get over the wall, I won’t rush anything, i’ll give you the time you need to adjust and be comfortable with this. I don’t mind if your really sweet or really clingy once I’ve gotten over that wall, because i’m pretty sweet and clingy. And, It’s okay to have depression Yoongi. I would never hold that against you, i’d never make you feel bad for that, it’s not your fault and I can tell that you’re doing your best. So, with that all being taken into consideration, I still want you.” 

 

I’m not sure how I feel when he says that. Relief? Anxiety? Maybe both, i’m relieved to know that he’d still be willing to try, but it makes me anxious too. What if things go wrong again? I can’t even bring myself to be all that happy over the news, somehow i’m just completely overwhelmed. It takes me a while to gather my thoughts and more or less figure out how I feel before responding. “First of all don’t ever do this shit again, I thought you were going to tell me something horrible. Do that again and I will fight you. Secondly, you have no idea what you're agreeing to, what you’re  signing up for. Alot of my exes regret meeting me, my last ex fucked me up, really bad, emotionally. So I might be very stubborn when it comes to letting you in but… if you’re willing to put up with it, then i’ll give you a chance.”  He perks up and looks at me in shock  “R-really?! So you- I mean we-”  I groan “Just sat it. Say it before I regret it.”  “Boyfriends…? We’re becoming official, right now? You and me?”  I hesitate and then nod. “Yeah… let’s give it a shot. You and me, boyfriends.” He smiles brightly and pulls me into a tight hug and I just give him this crooked smile in return, relaxing into his embrace. He nuzzles into my neck and it’s so unexpected I jump and squirm away “N-no!” I giggle as he laughs at me, sitting up to look me in the eyes  “You smell like cherries.”  “Whatever oh my god. Don’t do that again.” He smirks and roll my eyes, looking away.

 

“Are you ticklish, Yoongi?”  “If you even try to tickle me I will bite you.” He just gives me this wide shit eating grin before wrapping his arms around my waist and tickling me. I all but scream in surprise, though i’m not sure why I didn’t see this coming. I try desperately to get him off of my as I squirm and laugh in his arms. I somehow manage to drag both of us down onto the floor and we roll a few times before settling in the grass, we both laugh as we settle. I realize that Hoseok’s still holding me even now, I feel my cheeks heat up as he just holds me close to his chest.  “You know, Hoseok, you’re kind of an asshole.” He laughs  “Why? Because I tickled you? It’s not my fault you have the cutest laugh.”  “Oh my god I’m so sick of you.” He pulls me closer to him.  “If you’re so sick of me, why are you laying in the grass while in my arms? If you’re sick of me, why am I your boyfriend?”  “Because you’re like… a lost puppy and you fell for me so I took pity on you.” He chuckles softly and whispers into my ear  “You’re such a bad liar.”  I can’t help but shudder at that and sit up. “Don’t do that. God. What am I gonna do with you?”

 

He pulls me back down and nuzzles into my neck.  “Let’s just stay like this for a while. It’s peaceful, and it’s so warm… I love the sun.”  I sigh softly but nod in acceptance. We silently lay there, cuddled up together in the grass. He was right. It’s peaceful and warm, soothing and serene. I could get used to this. It’s been way too long since I laid down and cuddled with someone like this, maybe I missed it. Maybe part of the reason I’ve been so grumpy and moody is because i’m touch starved. Now that I’m here in Hoseok’s arms there’s nowhere else i’d rather be, I just want to stay like this forever. It’s not until I start to doze off that I feel Hobi sit up.  “Yoongi?~ Don’t fall asleep here!”  I groan, pouting as I sit up. “Fiiiine.” He stands then helps me up as I yawn and shake my head in an attempt to get rid of the sleepy feeling.  “Let’s go to your house? We can pick up take out on the way there?”  “You had me at ‘your house’ come on. There’s this place that makes the best food.” He takes my hand and I lead him to my house. The walk is silent but pleasant, Hobi’s hand is really warm. It’s not long before we get to the take out place near my house. We both order and I pay for everything while Hobi pouts at me.  “Not faaaair. Let me pay for you.”  I shrug “Too late. Come on. My house is down the block.”

 

He links his arm with mine and we walk to my house together. As we walk Hoseok hums the tune to a song I don’t recognize, but it seems to be his favorite. It only takes a few more minutes for us to arrive at my house and I have to pull away from Hobi to unlock the door. We head inside and he gasps softly  “I can see the floor! Wow, I didn’t know your house  _ had _ a floor!”  I groan “Fuck you, get out, i’m sick of this.” He laughs softly and I give him a small smile. I pull him into the house and we sit on the couch together. “Here, take the remote, we can watch whatever you want.” He takes the remote and turns the TV to a random show that seems interesting enough and then the two of us begin to eat.  I’m not quite sure what the show is about, it’s kind of funny, but not really? Either way, it’s good enough for now, neither of us cared too much anyways. We eat in a comfortable silence and when we’re too full to eat anymore I drape myself across Hoseok’s lap and let him play with my hair.  “Hey… Yoongi?”  “Hmm, yeah?”  “You know why my friends call me ‘Hobi’?”  I shake my head and sit up, this sounds serious. He gives me a small weak smile  with a small sigh. “Will you tell me your story?” He nods and seems to hesitate a moment, staring down at his lap.

 

“Remember when we first met? And we were talking about our friends? I told you alot about them but not that much about myself. Well, there’s a reason for that.”  He sighs.  “I feel… they describe me best. I remember as a small child i’d be this smiley hyperactive kid, always trying to make others happy, sharing all my snacks. I practically grew up with them, Tae and Min. I met them in elementary school when I was a little shyer but still the same happy hyperactive kid, and I was older than them both, so I decided to try and set a good example. Imagine that, a kid trying to be a role model to other kids. It went pretty well, Jimin would share more and Taehyung would try to help more. Middle school wasn’t as easy. That’s when we started changing, working to find ourselves. Taehyung’s dad, not even his birth dad by the way, was always an asshole they argued often. I’d always be there for him, the shoulder for him to lean on.”  Hoseok pauses to take a sip of his soda before continuing.  “He told me so much, I saw so much of his pain and suffering. It only got worse when he realized that he liked guys as well as girls. He came out at home, either in our last year of middle school or our first year of high school, which made things worse. That’s when his dad got handsy… but Taehyung stayed strong. Came out at school as soon as high school started. He’d spend lots of nights with me to avoid his dad, and he’d just curl up and cry as I comforted him. Despite it all, he came out okay, I’m proud of him. But, I realized a little too late that I was too focused on helping my friends, and not focused enough on finding myself.”

 

He pauses and I gently squeeze his hand to give him the strength to continue.  “Not just Tae but Jimin too. His family, they weren’t bad but they went to church once a week at least, he came out in high school with Taehyung. That’s when he moved in with me. He was kicked out but it wasn’t mean, there was no yelling or screaming, they just calmly told him ‘we refuse to be the parents of a sick freak’ handed him his things, and told him to leave. Sleepovers got harder from then on. They’d both talk about their emotional scars and cry and I was their rock. I gave them the strength to push on and be theirselves without shame.”  He smiles, a small proud smile before continuing.  “I gave them hope of a day when it would all get better, all they had to do was believe in it, and want it. It helped them, they found theirselves and slowly became proud, i’m not sure I ever did. I was their hope, that one pillar of light in the dark storms of their lives. They called me Jung Hope, then J-hope, until they got lazy and started calling me Hobi. that’s how I got my nickname but… who is Hoseok? Is he that happy kid from decades ago? Is he this person, now? All somber and serious. Am I both? Sometimes I wonder if that happiness I always display is the real me, if i’m really a happy person, or if it’s just an echo from the past?”

 

I nod and think for a while before speaking “I think you know the answer to that. Despite how they depend on you, both in the past and now, you’ve already found yourself. Maybe you didn’t notice the change, maybe you  _ did _ notice and never fully understood that that’s what happened, but you found yourself. You’re that happy, kind, hyper kid from when you were young and that desire you had to help others? To make others happy, it’s what led you to here. You’ve matured a little faster because of the circumstances, but that’s okay. The end result? Jung Hoseok, a hyper, happy man with a big kind heart that just wants to help. A man who, despite his actions, is very mature and thoughtful. I admire that. Going through so much with your friends like you did, and being able to come out of that without… well, being worse, in many ways, that takes alot of personal strength. But you went through it, and you didn’t let any of it change who you really are, i’m jealous.”

 

He gives me a soft crooked smile and hugs me.  “You know what? You’re right, thank you. I didn’t even stop to consider how amazing it was that I could still be this way without forcing it. What I’ve been through with them… it changes people, but i’m glad i’m still me. Thank you, thanks for helping me realize that.”  I give him my best gummy smile “Hey, it’s nothing. After all, you chose to add yet another broken person to your life. You accepted me so easily, now I understand why you didn’t run when you heard I have depression. Dealing with me, well, it won’t be hard. You’ve had practice almost your whole life.”  He chuckles weakly.  “You have no  _ clue _ how right you are. But, I don’t see you as broken. None of you guys are. A little battered up and bruised yeah, but you aren’t broken. The fact that you three survived as much as you did? That makes you strong, all three of you. You have no idea how strong of a person you are. Even yesterday! You were in the middle of a depressive episode just played it all out on the piano and you were better.”  I shrug “That demon? He hates the piano. I’m not completely out of the woods, it’s not that simple. But I do feel a hundred times better than I did before playing the piano.”

 

He smiles at me. “See? That’s amazing! You’re amazing, Yoongi.” I sigh affectionately at that and nod “Yeah yeah, thanks.” He nuzzles into my neck and I roll my eyes. “So, Yoongi, didn’t you tell me that you write songs?” “I was really hoping you had forgotten about that.” He laughs “Can I see? Pretty please? My pretty Yoongi, show me your songs.” I groan “You only get two songs, and I’m only telling the first letter of each song.  Ready?” He nods excitedly and I sigh.“A, G, F, T and I” He thinks for a while before responding “A and F?” I smirk a bit. “You’ve picked Agust D and First Love. I’ll do first love first because it’s a piano song.” I stand and walk over to my piano, smiling as I sit down at the bench. “Get ready.” I crack my knuckles before starting to play the piano, recalling the notes from memory as I play. As promised, I sing along to the notes, putting my all into the melody and into the song itself.” It’s a little difficult, focusing on the notes when the song gets more intense but to my own surprise I don’t miss a single note. Smiling softly to myself I keep playing until the end, ending the song with the first two lines before the songs over. I stand and face Hoseok “That was First Love.”

 

I catch him wiping at his eyes before smiling at me.  “I didn’t cry nearly as much that time… you’re really good. You’re a really good rapper I’m jealous.”  I walk over, gently cupping his face with both my hands and using my thumbs to wipe away his tears. “Thanks. You okay?” He nods.  “You just… make very emotional songs, even from yesterday, and it resonates with some part of me. It’s like each note you play burrows into my mind and heart and pulls forth these emotions.”  “Wow, never heard anyone put it that way before. Thanks Hobi, that means alot to me.” I gently kiss his cheek before letting go of his face.  “Come on, my room. The next one I need to show you on my laptop.” I walk to my room and he follows close behind. I plop down onto the bed as he sits, reaching over to my night stand I pull the laptop out of a drawer and turn it on. “I don’t touch this thing any more, it’s old and slow and pisses me off. But it still works well and I don’t have the money to get a new one so I get this piece of shit.” He chuckles softly at me as we wait for the thing to start up. I quickly put in my password and click on the app I used to mix the audio for the song. “I must warn you. What you’re about to hear is the most fire track of the mixtape I never finished making.” He smiles in excitement  “I’m ready, burn it up Yoongi.”

 

I smirk “Well then, allow me to introduce Agust D.” I press play on the audio and wait for my cue before rapping along to the track. Hobi watches me, surprised and pleased. He seems hyped up as he listens and when I’m done he claps and cheers.  “Wow, I can’t believe Agust D just ended me like that, one question though? Why to the STD?”  I sigh “Listen...rapping A to the G to the U to the S to the T to the D would take too long. A to the G to the U to the STD is faster, okay? Besides, no matter what the song says  _ I _ am  _ clean _  and that’s that.” He nods.  “Okay. So then, one more question. What’s this tongue technology you were talking about?”  I chuckle at that, a deep chuckle then smirk at him “You’ll find out about that later. Much later.”  He giggles and nods.  “Okay okay. I’ll wait. Thanks for showing me, I really like your style, i’d love to hear more at some point.”  I shrug. “I’d like to make more at some point but I haven’t had many ideas for anything, or if I did, I didn’t have the equipment.” He nods and pulls me into a hug.  “We can work on something together if you want? We can use my laptop for the audio, then maybe we can pool our money and get some studio time to mess around and record ourselves.”  “Like, a rap duet? With you? Or would you sing? I can sing too if that’s what you want.”

  
He thinks about it for a moment.  “I don’t know, let’s think about that when we get close to doing that.”  “Okay, that’s a fair point.” I turn my laptop off and put it away and the moment it’s away Hobi pulls me down to the bed and nuzzles into my neck.  “Yoongi? I’m really glad we met. I’m not sure what drew me to you that night, but i’m glad it did. I’m really excited to see what the future holds for us.”  I smile and cuddle close to him with a soft sigh “You know what? I am too. Really excited. I have a feeling that for once, things will go right for me.” I could only hope I was right when I said that. I hoped  to whatever higher powers that were out there, that things would go right between me and Hoseok. Because honestly, I don’t think my heart could handle something going wrong with us. I think it’d break me, for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not the last chapter, there will be more


	7. Trivia: My Boyfriend!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got sick of this chapter towards the end, sorry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuuuh talk of weed and broken bones ahead.

I open my eyes and there he is, Yoongi, sleeping peacefully in my arms. What happened? How long had we been asleep for? I don’t want to move, I don’t want to wake him, he looks too cute. I smile and hold him closer. The more I wake up, the more I remember. He had just finished showing me his songs and we were laying in his bed cuddled close together. We just laid there talking about small things like how our friends are doing and little stories from our childhood, it was nice. The mood just felt right, it was quiet and serene, we were nice and warm, cuddled up together. Speaking in only whispers the two of us slowly grew tired. Not because we didn’t sleep well or anything like that, but because the atmosphere was so calm and quiet our bodies decided it was time to sleep. There was a lull in the conversation and I remember Yoongi had closed his eyes, it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep, and I wasn’t far behind him.

 

So I guess that means we napped together. I nuzzle into the pillow, it smells like Yoongi and Yoongi’s in my arms too, and he smells  _ great _ . He smells so good, all woodsy like nature, probably from earlier in the park, mixed with the light musk from his cologne. Not only does Yoongi smell good but he looks good, he looks  _ so  _ good. His blond hair all messy and slightly matted from sleep, even before we took this nap he had bedhead. The peaceful yet content look on his face, those light pink lips of his, the black eyeliner under his eyes. How can one man be so pretty? I could lay here forever and just watch him sleep. Watch the gentle rise and fall of his shoulders, feel his soft breath against my collarbone, feel the warmth radiating off of his body. He’s precious. Simple precious in his own ways, and I just can’t get enough of it.

 

Sadly, Yoongi starts to slowly wake up. I can feel him wake up before I see it, he takes a deep breath and then softly sighs it out as if he’s aware of the fact that he’s waking up and he doesn’t want to. His sigh tickles and it makes me smile. I watch as he pouts softly, mouth opening in a silent yawn as finally his eyes crack open. He looks all too upset to be awake, the pout on his lips only deepening as he closes his eyes back and cuddles closer, trying to fall asleep again. I don’t say anything, I just hold him closer and watch, amused. I hear him groan as he slowly sits up, glaring sleepily at the wall behind me. I giggle “Hey Yoongi, what’s up?”  “Gotta fuckin pee…” He grumbles, stretching before standing up and walking over to the bathroom. It feels cold without him in my arms, I already miss him. I sit up and check my phone, two hours have passed. It’s already almost four o’clock. I told Jimin i’d be back by five buuuuut. Spending quality time with my new boyfriend is a pretty valid reason to be late, right?

 

Not that I plan to tell him we’re dating yet, it’s too soon. I hear the toilet flush and Yoongi walks out of the bathroom not long after, he sighs.  “That was the best nap I’ve had in forever why are you so warm? And… and comfy. Too warm and comfy.”  I giggle and shrug “Dunno, you’re pretty warm and comfy too.” He nods and sits down next to me, leaning on me.  “We’re not telling our friends yet are we? We should wait another week or two before we tell them.”  I nod “Yeah, I was thinking that too. We should wait a bit, make sure that everything is settled between us before letting the vultures know we’re official.” He yawns and sits up, shaking his head.  “Agreed. Come on. Are you hungry? I’ll make you something. I can’t promise that it’ll be good but it’s something.”

 

He stands up and I stand as well. “I could always help you cook? Together we might make something that tastes good.” He gives me a sleepy half smile  “Sounds good, let’s do that.”  We leave the room together and go to the kitchen. We start cooking in silence but once Yoongi’s more awake he starts to talk.  “So, let’s set a few guidelines? I don’t kiss, on the lips, until at least 2 weeks of dating, no making out until at least a month, nothing sexual until at least 3 months.”  “That’s a bit sudden” I chuckle but nod “But I can get with that. I do the same usually, the only difference is that I usually wait a week and a half before kissing, I really like kissing. But I don’t mind going by your guidelines. Anything further than that we can discuss as we go along, I think. But, fair warning, I try to be very open when I’m in relationships, so I’ll keep less secrets from you and I’d appreciate if you could do the same.”

 

He makes a face but nods.  “Admittedly, being completely honest with others- hell even myself- is one of my weak points. But, i’ll make an effort to be more open, I needed to work on that anyways. On the topic of behavioral things, I hate people that are easily jealous. I understand if someone’s been cheated on before or something like that and that’s why they’re easily jealous, but let me know otherwise it’ll piss me off. If you tell me I can be more aware of my actions and be more accommodating but if you don’t tell me anything then, well, i’m not a mind reader.”  I nod “I don’t get jealous easily, i’m a pretty touchy person, always hugging my friends and things like that so usually it’s my partner that gets jealous. So be aware of that.” 

 

He shakes his head  “I don’t care. Honestly, you can get away with alot of things before you piss me off. Like, i’ll allow friendly flirting, hugs, long hugs, friendly cheek kisses shit like that, I don’t care. But if it goes beyond friendly then we have a problem. But that’s how Jin is with us, always hugging, ruffling our hair, forehead kisses, fishing for compliments. But I know it’s harmless.”  I smile softly at that “Oh, good then, I’ll keep that in mind. What about tips for uh… for your depression?” He flinches at the mention and a quick glance over at him lets me see that he’s frowning.  “Firstly, I don’t call it by name like that. I call it my demon, it feels like i’m giving it too much power over me if I call it by name. Demons can be defeated, that word? Not so much. Secondly… I honestly don’t really know. It depends on what triggered it, the situation. A good rule of thumb is to just give me space unless you see me getting more emotional. Then depending on the situation, take me out of it, let me pull myself together. If i’m really bad, holding me close and tight is welcomed, letting me know how important I am is good too… reminding me of the people that love me, things like that, it helps alot. I can mostly manage myself though, but for the times that I can’t, just try to keep those things in mind.”

 

I listen closely as he speaks and nods when he’s finished “Okay, I understand. I’ll do my best to keep that in mind. Do you respond well to music when in that state?”  “Oh, yeah, but, more likely than not if I feel myself getting bad i’ll just load up a playlist to help me calm down.”  I go quiet as I think about anything else I might need to know. “What if you’re overwhelmed…? Like a full on breakdown?” His response is almost instant.  “Call Jin. He knows me best, he’s known me even before the demon moved in. if I do get overwhelmed to the point of a breakdown, call Jin, he’ll help comfort me and calm me down, he’ll likely bring the others if its really bad. They all have a role more or less. Jin’s for comfort and helping me calm down, Joon talks to me rationally to help anchor me and when I’m more or less okay i’m thrown to Jungkook so he can cheer me up.” 

 

I don’t really like that answer much. “I can do all of that for you, can’t I? We’re boyfriends now after all.” He stops whatever he’s doing and turns to face me.  “You can, you’re right, of course you can. But, we’re still getting to know each other. There’s no telling how i’ll react to you while in that state so it’d be better for everyone involved if you called Jin. When we’re closer you can start to do it all yourself, but until then I don’t want to risk hurting you with my emotional bullshit.”  He makes a good point. I look at him silently, thinking about it, before nodding. “Okay, I can do that.” He gives me a small and turns back to what he was doing.  “Is that everything? Do we need to talk more?”  I shrug “We might but I can’t think of anything else right now.” Yoongi only hums in response and we finish cooking in a comfortable silence before sitting down to eat together. 

 

The food is good enough, we’re both pretty happy with it. “Yoongi, you said that it might not taste good, this is delicious!”  “Yeah? I think it’s because you helped.”  He smirks at me and I roll my eyes. “Nah, it was mostly you i’m sure. You live alone! It makes sense that you’re a good cook.”  “Hoseok, I live off of take out. This only taste good because I tried extra hard so I could impress my boyfriend.”  I laugh softly “Well, your boyfriend is thoroughly impressed, this is delicious.” I look up at catch Yoongi smiling down at his plate, a smile that shows so much happiness that it melts my heart. “I ever tell you how cute you are?” He groans  “Don’t start, i’m trying to eat.”  But I ignore him and speak anyways “Seriously, you’re super cute, especially when sleeping, that soft little contented smile on your face, the cute little way you reluctantly wake up.”  “Jung Hoseok don’t make me bite you.”  I giggle. “Your soft little breaths, the rise and fall of your shoulders.”  “Get out of my house with that shit.”  He gently shoves at me, but his face betrays his actions, a wide gummy smile is plastered onto his face, along with a light blush dusting his cheeks. “Your a pretty clingy sleeper, cuddling so close to me, nuzzling into my chest.”  “Stop it!!! This was a mistake oh my god get out, I won’t sit here and take this abuse.”  We both laugh and he shakes his head.

 

“If my face breaks because you made me smile too much Jin will kill you.”  “I’ll just tell Jin that I was complimenting you and you got super flustered.” He sighs loudly  “Let me eat in  _ peace _ . You’re so affectionate, is this how you always are while in a relationship or has it just been a while?”  I shrug “Both I guess. I haven’t really wanted to be in a relationship until recently, I could have, but I just didn’t.” He nods  “In case you’re curious, yes, I am usually like this in relationships. At the beginning at least, it’s different once we’ve been together for a while.”  I tilt my head “Are you telling me you get even cuter later on in the relationship?! Ooooh I look forward to that.” Yoongi sighs softly and gives another small smile. Ignoring me, he goes back to eating and I follow suit. 

 

When we finish eating I wash the dishes for both of us much, despite Yoongi’s protests. We sit on the couch together and once again Yoongi winds up leaning on me, his head resting on my shoulder, as we watch the colors flash across the TV screen.  “You ever seen like… a broken leg? In real life?”  I give Yoongi a confused- if a bit concerned look. “No why, have you?” He nods  “Yeah we were in high school Jungkook was trying to impress this girl because he was  _ deep _ in the closet. And he knew how to backflip, so he turned to the girl said ‘wanna watch me backflip down these stairs?’ and before the girl could even reply this kid fucking backflips down the stairs and he almost fucking landed it too. But he panicked or some shit because instead of landing on both feet he landed on one foot and then instantly came crashing down to the ground.”

 

I gasp “oh my god, he didn’t!” Yoongi nods.  “He did. He landed on his leg wrong and I swear I heard the faintest yet most horrifying snap sound. So me and Jin who were safely watching from the top of the stairs, rush over to him to see if he’s okay and he’s just  _ sobbing _ like crazy. I’ve never seen him cry so much until that day and he just kept repeating ‘It hurts! It hurts! Hyungs help, it hurts so much!’ and I remember seeing his leg and it looked so painful and unnatural. It was the first time I’ve ever seen Jin panic like that. We took him to the hospital and the school called his parents. He was okay in the end. He was in a cast for a few months and I signed his cast with ‘this what you get for being being a DUMBASS’ but at least he got a pity kiss on the corner of his mouth by the girl so I guess it was worth it?”

 

I laugh “Oh my god, poor Jungkook, is he okay now?”  “Oh yeah, his leg healed up perfectly, it’s almost like he never broke it, but he’s still a dumbass.”  I shake my head softly and sigh “None of my friends ever did anything so stupid but Tae tried weed once.” Yoongi gives me an amused look “Oh please tell me that story.”  I chuckle softly “Okay so, he went somewhere, god knows where, and brought a blunt, and then went somewhere, he swears he was in a safe place, but he wasn’t home. So then he goes and smokes it, slowly but he accidentally got something strong. So he was fine at first but after having smoked the whole thing he was like, too high? And he started to panic. He calls me in tears like ‘Hobi hyung, Hobi hyung please come get me, i’m gonna float away. I’m so… i’m so light, what the fuck? Hyung… hyung i’m scared but i’m too relaxed to be scared. I-I’m going to float away but i’m  _ so _ relaxed… I’m so relaxed i'm going to fly away. I’m scared…? I should be scared…? Hyuuuung please.’” 

 

Yoongi laughs  “Poor kid, was he okay?”  I nod “Yeah he was fine I found him about a block away from his house, still crying, and dragged him to the dorm to calm down. He was just really  _ really _ high but the more he came down off it the better he was until eventually he slept it off. The funniest part to me was how he said he liked it at first and was considering making it a habit until it got to me too much, now he wants nothing to do with it.” Yoongi chuckles as he shakes his head softly.  “Gotta do your research before you jump into things like that. I don’t think i’d ever mess with weed though, i’m sure it might help me but it just doesn’t seem appealing to me. I like my alcohol, and even that’s done in moderation. I know my limits very well, I know what type of liquor does what to my body and how drunk it’ll get to me. I’m not ashamed to water things down or stop to each help absorb the alcohol. I take care of myself.” 

 

“I’m the same way. Even when trying new things I go slow, one sip or two then I wait five or ten minutes to see how it affects me and if I think I can handle it I drink it all or at least half. Hell even with drinks you don’t just start with a fifth of vodka, you start with wine coolers, work your way up. Tae just went in blind. He’s okay, obviously, he found something else to suck on.” Yoongi laughs and I’m a little confused until I realize how wrong that sounded. “Oh my god no no I didn’t mean- he vapes now, you’ve seen him vape!” Yoongi laughs a little while longer before calming down.  “There’s no way you're actually innocent enough to say something like that by accident!” Yoongi smirks at me and I shake my head.

  
“I- well… no i’m not but I honestly didn’t do that on purpose! You just…. you suck on a blunt to get high, you suck a vape to get the flavor or whatever, it just made sense before I said it.” He chuckles  “You talk about how cute I am when I sleep but your really cute when you’re flustered like this.”  I roll my eyes “Okay, I guess I can let you get away with that, but you’re still the super cutie of this relationship.” 

 

“Nope sorry, you’re wrong. You’re the cutest.”  He gives me one of his gummy smiles and even though it’s the cutest thing ever I can’t bring myself to argue and call him cute, so instead I give him my brightest smile and hug him. “If you insist!” We sit and talk like that for hours. Sharing stories, laughing, smiling, cuddling, until it's gotten late. “I should home now, the sun will start to set soon and besides I told Jimin I'd be home… three hours ago.” Yoongi nods and sits up.   “Yeah, get home safe, okay?”  I lean in and kiss his cheek. “I will!  Don't forget, you said you'd come to dance class with me this Saturday.”  “Yeah I know. See you Saturday.” ”See you Saturday Yoongi.” 

 

I give him a small wave as I reluctantly leave his house and head home. The ride home feels way too long for some reason. Part of me wishes I could just spend the whole day with him, but that might be moving too fast. I try to think of an excuse for why i’m so late coming home, because both Jimin and Taehyung are sure to ask 101 questions about it. Even as I finally arrive at the dorms I still don’t have a good excuse. “I’m baaack! Sorry I’m so late I lost track of- Taehyung? What the hell-” Taehyung just silently smiles at me as I stare at him. I knew he and Jungkook were getting piercings together today but I didn’t expect  _ this _ . Now instead of only one lip ring Taehyung had two but I already knew he was planning on getting snake bites one day. What really caught me off guard was the eyebrow piercing. 

 

“Hey welcome home Hobi. Tae’s not supposed to talk until tomorrow.” I give Jimin a confused look “What? Why not?” Jimin just looks over to Taehyung who smirks and then slowly drags his tongue along his bottom lip, exposing both a swollen tongue and a tongue piercing. “I don’t know why I’m so surprised about this…” Taehyung chuckles softly and takes out his phone sending me a text that reads _‘I could talk now but my speech would be slurred and it might hurt a bit.’ ‘I’m waiting until tomorrow because the swelling should be less by then.’_ I look up at him “Doesn’t it take like 5 days for the swelling to go down?” He nods and looks back to his phone, sending me another text. _‘2-5 days. But I should still try to talk during that time, it’ll make it heal process.’_ “Okay. You know how to take care of it right? They told you everything you needed to know?” Taehyung nods again and then nudges Jimin. 

 

“Only liquid foods until the swelling and irritation goes down, then he can have soft foods like applesauce, yogurt… baby food.”  Jimin smirks as he lists that one off and Taehyung just rolls his eyes and slips him off.  “Cold drinks are recommended because hot ones might burn him. The more he heals the more things he can start eating again. He’s supposed to rinse with this solution that he got with the piercing after he eats, when he wakes up and before bed. He also texted me saying he’s supposed to hold ice on his tongue to help the swelling, and then complained about how he was warned against drinking alcohol for a month.”  I shrug and plop down onto my bed. 

 

“You need to take care of yourself Tae, make sure to follow the guidelines carefully, don’t wanna lose your tongue.” He nods and sighs, laying down in his bed and texting again.  _ ‘You should have seen Kookie.’ ‘He got snake bites and now he’s really hot.’ ‘He got his ear pierced too but damn…’ ‘snake bites with his red hair?’ ‘He’s too hot.’ ‘The best part is though, when all these piercings have healed, I get to kiss him.’  _ I give him a surprised look “What, you two are official already?” He shrugs  _ ‘Yeah?’ ‘I know it’s kinda soon but…’ ‘I dunno.’ ‘feels right.’ ‘and technically, we already know each other.’  _ I smile softly as I read the texts and I nod. “If you say so. Just be careful okay? This is your first time being a boyfriend, don’t rush things.”

 

“What about you Hobi? How are you and Yoongi doing?”  I glance over at Jimin. “Yoongi and I? We’re becoming closer friends, we get along really well.” He nods.  “What about… you know, date wise? Didn’t you say you had a chance?”  I had almost forgot that I told them that yesterday. That’ll make lying today even harder. “Yeah… but it’s okay even if we don’t date, I’m fine being his friend.” Just a week. I just have to wait a week before I can tell them. But i’m so excited, and i’m so happy, it’s amazing that i’m able to act like we aren’t dating.  “Well, good luck hyung, I know you really like him. But hey, it’s his loss if he doesn’t feel the same.”  Jimin walks over and sits down next to me, ruffling my hair in an attempt to make me ‘feel better’.

 

“I’m okay Chimmy, really, I am. Don’t worry about me, okay?” I get another text, from Taehyung, but I wasn’t expecting it so it makes me jump a bit. He sent it to the group text the three of us have.  _ ‘It’s suspicious.’ ‘Hoseok usually looks more upset when things like this happen’  _ Jimin reads the text over my shoulder and nods.  “Tae-tae’s right. Something’s up. What really happened before you and Yoongi? Is that why you’re home so late?”  “What? Nothing happened it’s nothing! We were hanging out and just lost track of time. We met in the park, hung out there, then we got hungry and went to eat. He invited me to his house we played games together, ate again then I came home.” Jimin shakes his head, he doesn’t believe me. Even Taehyung has sat up and moved closer, silently taunting me. 

 

Another text is sent. _‘You two are dating aren’t you?’_ Jimin gasps. “No waaaaay- but it makes sense if you two are dating! That’s what really happened isn’t it? You two became a couple!” I  can feel my face heat up as they both accuse me of dating Yoongi. They’re right, of course, but that doesn’t mean i’m ready to tell. “No no no no no. We only-” Taehyung chuckles and pokes my cheek. “Yeah Tae-tae I see it too. He’s _blushing_. Hobi why are you blushing if we’re wrong.” I stand up “I gotta pee!” I rush off to the bathroom and close the door behind me. Once inside I sigh deeply and text Yoongi. _‘Gi-gi they guessed that we’re dating, what do I do?’_ He reads it almost instantly, but doesn’t reply for another two to three minutes. _‘Don’t like that nickname either.’_ I sigh and chuckle softly. _‘Yoon? Yoonie?’_ He responds faster this time. _‘that’s acceptable.’ ‘anyways, since they guessed just tell them I guess.’_

 

I smile and reply  _ ‘alright Yoonie~’ ‘i’ll tell them.’  _ I turn and leave the bathroom and find both Taehyung and Jimin looking at me expectantly. “Okaaaay. We’re official, you guys guessed right.” Taehyung gives me a bright smile  “Co’gratss”  He says aloud, softly, as Jimin walks over and gives me a tight hug.  “That’s great, i’m happy for you, why didn’t you want to tell us?”  I hug back, a bright smile on my face “We agreed to wait a week before telling our friends because we wanted to… I guess have a trial week? Make sure we actually worked before telling you guys.” Jimin pulls away and smiles.  “Well, now we know, and we’re both happy for you. I hope you two work out well and stay together for a while.”  I nod.

 

“Okay well now that you know we’re dating, story time!!!” I rush over to the couch and sit down watching excitedly as Jimin and Taehyung sit close to me. “So, I told him in the park that I wanted to date him and he said he would give me a shot, so we made it official and then I tickled him until we wound up in the grass, laughing and i got to hold him. So I held him and we laid in the grass under the sun until he started falling asleep so I suggested we go eat and we walked hand in hand to his house.” Jimin doesn’t stop smiling as I tell my story, while Taehyung chimes in with an  “Awwww, cuuu’e”  And I can’t help but smile more myself. “Yeah… we are cute aren’t we?”

 

Both Tae and Jimin nod and I giggle. “We stopped to get food on our way to his house then we sat and ate in comfortable silence. When we finished I explained my nickname to him, I didn’t go into much detail don't worry, and then he told me a bit about himself. By the way, Yoongi is like a kitten. My precious little Yoonie, he draped himself across my lap and leaned on me lots, leaning his head on my shoulder and just… he’s so soft and cute okay? Anyways.” Taehyung holds up a hand  “Yoonie..?”  I nod “Yeah, Yoonie, my nickname for him, he didn’t like Gi-gi. Anyways, after we talked we switched gears and I asked me to show me some of his songs, because he made a few songs before. So I got to listen to him play his piano and sing a song he called First Love. But it was more of a rap song, and let me tell you, he’s a wonderful rapper.”

 

Jimin interrupts.  “Is he good with the piano?”  I nod and Jimin smirks.  “Oh, piano fingers, you’re lucky.”  Taehyung gently elbows Jimin and I roll my eyes. “Then we went to his room and he showed me another rap he made called Agust D and it was really good, he’s such a great rapper. He’s just really talented-” I gasp softly and smile brightly. “My  _ boyfriend _ is  _ really _ talented! I have such a talented  _ boyfriend _ ! He’s so amazing.” I giggle and Jimin rolls his eyes while Taehyung laughs softly. “After hearing him be a musical genius we laid down and napped together. We cuddled close, and he nuzzled into me, and we talked and slowly fell asleep. When we woke up we cooked together and talked over more things we felt it was important for each other to know and set some boundaries for the relationship. We ate, talked, then I came home.”

 

“You’re so in love with him. But i’m happy for you either way.”  Jimin gives me two thumbs up as Taehyung gets busy texting.  _ ‘I hope you two work out well.’ I can tell you’re really into him, and it sounds like he likes you alot too.’  _ I smile as I read his text. “Yeah, he really does like me. I’ll be sure to treat him the way he deserves, I don’t want him to have to regret this, he’s dealt with more than enough regrets.” Jimin sighs softly  “I don’t doubt that you’ll treat him right. You’ve got a good heart and a kind soul. Even if, for some reason, you guys break up at some point, it’ll be on a friendly note. Because you’re a person, Hobi. he’s lucky to have you. I honestly think you guys will be together for a very long while.”  It makes my heart happy to hear Jimin speak so highly of me. I hug him tightly “Jimin… thank you. That means alot. I agree, I think Yoongi and I will last a long while.” 

 

Jimin hugs me back and gently pats my back as he pulls away.  “You and Tae-tae make love look so fun, so I want both of you to be careful.”  Taehyung instantly starts texting a response to that while I talk “Love isn’t evil. It can be fun, but it can also have moments that are painful. Even so, so long as the person your with is a decent person, it’ll be worth it. I don’t know how to explain it, you tend to stay away from romance but it just… it makes your whole body happy when its good. That’s the only reason it hurts so much when it’s bad.” Taehyung sighs and nods in response, agreeing with me before sending another text.  _ ‘You should let yourself fall in love. You can’t be hurt for it anymore.’ ‘unless you honestly don’t want to fall in love’ ‘but don’t let fear stop you’  _ Jimin shakes his head. 

 

“No. there’s no point. I already did it once, it got me kicked out of my house. I have you guys, that’s all the love i’ll ever want or need.”  Usually when Jimin gets like this we both leave him alone, but something catches my attention this time. “You… had a crush on someone back then? You never told us.” Jimin is silent for a long while before shaking his head.  “Maybe. But that’s not important. You and Tae-tae are dating! Not dating each other, but your both dating someone. You should be happy for yourselves!”  I hesitate to reply but Taehyung doesn’t. He gently puts a hand on Jimin’s shoulder and softly asks.  “Who?”  Jimin shakes his head.  “Some guy I really liked at the time. I doubt you guys remember him. He’s taken now I think. But it’s okay, i’m fine.” 

 

Neither of us push any further, but Taehyung does pull him into a hug. “Well, like Tae texted, you can’t get hurt anymore. So you shouldn’t be afraid to fall for someone.” Jimin nods, clearly done with this conversation and he stands and walks back over to his bed and lays down. Taehyung taps me and when I look at him he points at my phone. I hadn’t even realized he texted me.  _ ‘I think he lied a bit?’ ‘Do you remember how close Jimin and I were back then?’ ‘Remember when I told you it felt like he distanced himself from me when I came out?”  _ I glance over at Jimin, who has his headphones on before nodding. “Yeah… and then not even a week later he came out too.” I speak softly, just in case. I don’t want Jimin to hear us.

  
Taehyung nods and texts again. _‘Are you thinking what i’m thinking?’ ‘Was I the reason he came out?’_ I sigh, that’s not an easy question. “I don’t know… we can’t know unless he tells us. For now, let’s forget it. No need for you to get upset over a maybe.” Taehyung frowns but nods and heads into the kitchen. I’m left alone in the small living room area. I hope that Jimin really is okay, I have so many questions for him now. The dorm is unusually quiet. All I can hear is the very faint sound of Jimin’s music, and Taehyung quietly moving around in the kitchen. These next few days are going to be a little weird, Taehyung can’t talk for the moment, and Jimin’s likely to be a little awkward. I might hang out with Yoongi more this week, or maybe I’ll stay home. Who knows? No matter what happens, i’m at least excited for Saturday. I can’t wait to hang out with Yoongi again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall: why is sope moving so slow while taekook moves so fast?   
> me: bc sope is the main ship, the slow burn yall signed up for, while vkook is the side ship :3 :)


	8. Trivia: Our Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the events of this date take place on a friday uwu   
> also, I hate slowburn and I hate this chapter lmfao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for violence towards the middle?

I’m not a morning person, my demon makes mornings hard for me. I’m more of a night owl, but I can still function pretty well if I wake up late in the morning, around noon. I’m used to waking up at noon, 1pm, 2pm, 11am very rarely 10am. But lately, that’s changed a bit. I blame Hobi. he’s a morning person. He tends to wake up around 8am,  he woke at 9am one time since I met him. He’s gotten into the habit of texting me as soon as he wakes up. Which shouldn’t be a problem, I keep my phone on mute while I sleep so none of my friends accidentally wake me up. But, well, I guess i’m just excited to talk to him. Since we became official I've been waking up closer to 10am. I’ll text him good morning and we’ll facetime for a while. Today’s no different. It’s friday morning, the second morning in a row we’ve facetimed like this. 

 

As usual he calls me and I sit up in bed and answer. “Hey…” He smiles brightly at me  “Morning Yoongi~ did you sleep well?”  I nod, yawning softly before replying. “I’m not supposed to be awake this early, it’s your fault. It’s not even eleven yet… but I slept well. I cant keep waking up like this.” He chuckles  “I’m not forcing you to get up this early, you can sleep in, I don’t mind doing this later in the day.”  I nod. “Yeah? You won’t be busy?” He shakes his head no.  “It might be better, I won’t have to deal with Jimin groaning everytime I call you cute~”  I chuckle softly. “Okay, i’ll go back to waking up at noon.” He shakes his head.  “Should I start coming over to cook for you?”  “Ugh no, it still takes me about an hour before I can get out of bed. But i’ll eat don’t worry.” He smiles.  “You better eat… you and your cute bed hair. Let me see that sleepy smile of yours?”  I roll my eyes and let myself smile softly at him. 

 

It comes naturally, but seeing him happy like this always makes me want to smile. He’s cute and his smile is stunning. He just radiates so much positive energy and it’s so comforting and serene, I like it. His smile only seems to grow in intensity when he sees me smile and a part of me feels so at peace when I see that.  “There it is… one of the cutest smiles ever. I don’t know what I like more, your gummy smile or your sleepy smile. Oh, maybe it’s your shy smile? Or that little confident smile you had on your face after you showed me Agust D?”  I roll my eyes “Shut uuuuup.” I sigh softly and look away from the phone. I just  _ know _ he has that look on his face. That look of awe and admiration.  “Should we hang out today Yoongi?”

 

I look back at the phone and think about it. “Hmmm, yeah? We should. Did you have anything in mind or do you just want to see me?”  “Honestly? I wanted to cuddle, but we can make it a date. There’s a few places I've been wanting to go to, it’d be nice if I could go with you.”  I nod “What kind of places?” He shrugs.  “There’s this new karaoke bar a few blocks down, I've never been to the aquarium we could do that, we could go to the local arcade play DDR until we drop. Ooooh there’s also this buffet place near my dance studio that always smells amazing I want to go there, or we can see a movie.”  I consider the options “maybe… buffet then… a movie and then the aquarium?” His face lights up as he nods rapidly.  “I like that! We get to spend the whole day together. Okay, get dressed, i’ll come get you.” 

 

“Okay, i’ll see you soon then Hobi.” He smiles and waves before ending the call. Slowly, I get up and go brush my teeth and fix my hair to get ready for the day. It’s going to be a long day but I know for sure that i’ll have a good time. It’s still hot outside, that’s the benefit of summer, I like not having to layer up, but I hate the hot weather. It’s fine though, i’ll manage. I sit on my phone and play a game while I wait for Hobi to arrive. It’s a calm morning today, but it feels weird for some reason. I hope nothing bad happens. I slowly relax as I wait, no point in getting all worked up over a feeling. By time I hear the doorbell ring, I've almost fallen asleep. The bell startles me a little but I quickly recover and stand, grabbing my keys and my shades too, then I walk over to the door and open it. 

 

I’m greeted by the sight of two suns, and it makes my heart feel happy.  “I almost fell asleep waiting on you Hobi.” He giggles and hugs me, I hug back. He really is a second sun isn’t he? He smiles so brightly and his hugs are so warm and comforting, he has a bright personality too. I’m glad his past didn’t dull his shine.  “I didn’t mean to make you wait so long Yoongi, but we don’t exactly live that close to each other.”   He lets go of me and takes a step back, there’s only a soft smile on his face and part of me misses the brilliance of his full smile with his teeth shining as brightly as the sun. “Yeah you’re almost an hour away. I bet Joon could drive me over in half the time. I should probably get my own car...” Hoseok chuckles softly “I’ve been saving up for a car, I should be able to get one soon. For now, let’s get on this bus. You just woke up right? You must be hungry.” 

 

I nod “Yeah, lets go.” I step out of my house and lock the door behind me and Hoseok takes my hand, together we walk to the bus stop. “We’re going to the buffet first, right? How far is it from here?” He makes a humming noise as he thinks  “I’m not sure? It’s about an hour from my house, but the bus I take to get there goes the same direction as the bus I took to get here, so it can’t be far.”  I nod and we silently wait at the bus stop. We’re sitting on the bench, still hand in hand but i’m leaning on him with my head on his shoulder. It’s pleasant. The sky is such a pretty blue too, with clouds lazily floating across, a few birds flying around. I’ve always loved nature, it’s nice to be able to sit and enjoy it like this, cuddled up with Hobi, who also seems to be in awe of the sky. 

 

We almost don’t see the bus when it pulls up, but we snap out of our little trance and stand to board the bus not long after it pulls up. We pay and take a seat and the bus pulls away from the stop. “How much money do we have combined? We have all these things planned but do we have enough money for everything?” Hobi shrugs.  “It’s not much but I have about two hundred thousand.”  “Ah.” I sigh softly “I only have one-fifty to spend right now. Haven’t started my summer job yet. That should be enough for today, right?” He nods, smiling at me.  “Yeah it’s enough, it’s not that expensive, we’ll be fine.”  I sigh softly in relief and nod. “Good, I don’t want you to wind up having to pay for everything.” He only shakes his head in response and gently runs his finger through my hair.    
  


“Come on, Yoonie~ this is our stop.”  I nod and reluctantly get up, not really wanting to leave his arms. He’s quick to take my hand again as we leave the bus, so at least I can still feel his warmth.  “That’s the buffet place there and then down the block, around the corner? That’s the dance studio, you’ll see it this Saturday.”  He points out the buffet as we walk towards it and then he points further down the block to show me which corner the dance studio is near. I nod, i’m excited to see him dance again, maybe i’ll be able to dance with him. We reach the buffet and enter, walking over to the desk so we can pay and be assigned seats. We don’t let go of each others hands, and for a moment it looks like the waiter once to say something about it, thankfully he doesn’t.

 

He leads us over to the table where we can sit and eat and as we’re lead over I hug onto Hobi’s arm just to be more obnoxious over the fact that  _ yes.  _ _ We’re gay. _ The waiter doesn’t say anything, but he does look a little troubled and I give him a knowing smirk as Hoseok thanks him for showing us our table. The waiter seems all too eager to leave as Hobi and I sit down. “Okay, do we take turns going to get food so we don’t forget where we’re sitting? Or do you think it’d be okay for us to both go?” He looks around at the other tables around us and at the buffet table before replying.  “I think we can go together, I can remember where we are.”  I nod and we both stand, walking over to the buffet table and grabbing a plate to fill up with food. Everything looks delicious, and i’m not sure if its because I haven’t eaten yet or because of the amazing smells. Maybe it’s a bit of both.

 

I pile a few different things onto my plate, a nice amount of rice, some chicken, greens and a variety of other things. Once I have enough, for now, I hover close to Hoseok so he can lead us back to our table. He smiles softly when he sees me and I watch as he piles a few things onto his plate, dumplings, an egg tart, a sweet bun. When he’s done he looks up at me.  “Come on!”  He steps away from the buffet area and heads towards our table, I follow close behind and we sit down together in the booth. As usual, not a single word is spoken as we eat, but it’s fine. We enjoy each other’s company instead. Neither of us are talking, we’re both busy eating, but even so I feel like i’m getting to know him more and more, without words or even actions, something deeper that can’t be seen or even really described.  

 

I finish my plate before Hoseok does though I can tell he’s full because he’s eating slower now. “You don’t have to force yourself to finish Hobi, it won’t go to waste, there’s not even much left.” He sighs softly and puts down his chopsticks.  “Yeah… i’m stuffed. You must have been really hungry though! You finished your whole plate.”  I give him a sly smile “I didn’t get any sweets unlike you.” His cheeks flush a bit but he plays it off with a light laugh  “How else do you expect me to stay sweet?”  I roll my eyes affectionately. “I thought it was natural.” He shakes his head, smiling.  “Nope! It’s because of sweets!”  I sigh softly, he’s cute. “That explains why you’re always so hyper too, from the sugar.” He giggles  “I’m just happy when i’m with people I like, i’m a naturally energetic person but… being with you makes me feel extra happy and bubbly.” 

 

“Weird, being with you makes me feel more at peace, happier too, but something about your presence is very calming.” He smiles that bright smile of his, all teeth and pure happiness, so bright it put the sun to shame.   “I’m glad I make you feel that way, it means alot to me.”  I nod and slowly go to stand. “Come on, you promised me a movie too. If we stay here we might not ever leave.” Hoseok stands too and he takes my hand as we leave the buffet place and then it’s back to the bus stop for another short ride to the movies. “Hey Hobi? What type of movie are we watching?” He shrugs  “I’m in the mood for drama but part of me also kind of wants to see an action movie?”  I lay my head on his shoulder and silently nuzzle into him as I think.

 

“I’m down for a drama, I want to see how you react to them.” He chuckles.  “Well I won’t cry if that’s what you’re expecting.”  “That’s disappointing.” I sigh softly, pressing closer to him. I can’t believe i’m already this clingy with him and it’s only been roughly a week since we met. The best part about me being so clingy is how whenever I cling onto Hoseok or nuzzle into him or lean on him, he has the soft content smile on his face. It  _ looks  _ like he feels like he’s the luckiest man alive, but the vibes I get from him say otherwise, I can’t explain it. We get off of the bus at the movies and look at the movie listings. “There’s a lot of movies out right now… oh, Hobi look that one seems interesting.” Hoseok tries to find the one i’m pointing at.

 

“Which one?  _ Red Moon Blue Sun _ ?”  I shake my head “No, the one that says  _ Beyond: The Secrets _ it sounds like a mystery drama.” He nods  “Yeah I heard about that one! Tae saw it, he says it was a detective film that follows the story of seven guys. He wouldn’t say anything else about it but he said that the characters are really relatable.”  “Oooh? Then yeah, let’s see that one.” I grab Hobi’s hand and pulls him up to the ticket booth. “Two tickets to see Beyond: The Secrets please.” The person in the booth prints up the tickets and tells us the price, both Hoseok and I pull out our wallets and pay, half and half, as it should be. We take the tickets and head inside.  “Yoongi can we get popcorn? I want to share a popcorn with you.” 

 

“We just finished eating, won’t it go to waste?” He shakes his head  “It won’t! Besides, how can we come to the movies and not order popcorn? It wouldn’t be a date without it.”  He smirks and I roll my eyes. “Fine, lets get some popcorn, might as well get something to drink too.” He smiles triumphantly and pulls me over to the snack counter. I’m glad the line isn’t too long, that means it’s less of a wait. We get to the counter pretty quickly and this time Hoseok orders.  “Hello! Can I have a large popcorn and a large soda please?”  I listen for the price before letting go of Hoseok’s hand to get the right amount of money out and then hand the money to him. He takes it and puts it with his money to pay the cashier and once the money is settled Hobi grabs the popcorn and I take the soda cup. I watch as he walks over to the butter dispenser and pours extra butter onto the popcorn “Keep going!” I tell him, smiling softly as I walk towards the soda machines.   
  


“Yoongi waaaait!”  I turn to see Hoseok leave the butter dispenser and rush over to my side.  “We didn’t decide on a soda yet.”  I shrug “I was gonna fill it with sprite.” Hobi nods his agreement and I turn back to the machine and fill the cup up with sprite. When it’s full I put the lid on and grab two straws before turning back to Hoseok. “What’s our theatre number again?”  “We’re in theatre seven! This way.”  He starts walking towards the theater and I follow, we stop only to give the ticket collector our tickets before walking more and into the theatre. The place is only half empty, so there’s alot of empty seats to choose from. I gently pull him over to a nice spot in the middle and we sit down and get comfortable. 

 

Turns out it was a really good movie. During the movie we sat as close to each other as the armrest would allow, gently leaning on each other as we watched. The popcorn bucket was seated in Hobi’s lap and more often than I care to admit, our hands would touch as we reached for more popcorn. The first few times it happened Hobi would turn and smile at me before removing his hand so I could take first. But as the movie went on he stopped turning to smile at me and would just silently remove his hand. The soda cup was a different affair. We each had our own straw but it was dark in the theatre and once the movie got really interested it had gotten really hard to tell which straw was which. I want to believe that we somehow managed to only drink from our own straws, but part of me knows that can’t be true. 

 

But I guess it’s fine, I don’t think I mind as much as I should. The movie itself was better than I expected. There were seven men who worked in this small office when one day the boss suddenly disappeared. The seven men, who turned out to all be friends, found it very suspicious so they started investigating and found out that the boss had alot of secrets. The deeper they dug, trying to discover the truth behind their boss’s disappearance, the more they got tangled into a web of very dangerous truths. It got so bad to the point where the youngest, Jeongu, had to buy a gun in order to keep his friends safe. The oldest Kimseo was very against this when he found out, though he didn’t complain much after having been tailed by someone who found out what the seven of them were doing. The person tailing Kimseo had cornered him and fully intended to kill him but Jeongu had seen this and shot the person tailing Kimseo.

 

He didn’t have much of a choice, since if he had tried to hit the assailant Kimseo would have surely been killed. Jeongu had very mixed feelings about shooting the assailant and even more mixed feelings about the fact that he survived. After that scare the seven friends had a talk on what they should do next, should they give up? Or should  they keep trying to find out what happened to their boss and why he was so heavily involved in all this mob activity. They all agreed that they wanted to stop but Kimjoo argued that they were in too deep to stop now. They had to keep going until they found the truth whether they liked it or not, and once they found it then they’d have to do all they can to be able to leave and be confident that they wouldn’t be killed. No one liked that idea, but seeing as there was no other choice they all agreed anyway. 

 

The rest of the movie felt like it went by fast, but in a good way. The seven of them did their research and planned out their next move and then they all wound up having to infiltrate this old warehouse. All this was done only for them to come to the shocking realization that their boss was the leader of the mob all along and once their boss saw them well, he couldn’t just let them leave, could he? No. See the boss knew that the seven of them were trying to figure out what happened, trying to see beyond the secrets and so, in order to guarantee their silence the boss sent his mobsters to pay a visit to the parents of the seven men. In exchange for their families safety, the seven of them would have to work for him. Understandably, they were all very upset and refused, all except for Jungseok. 

 

See, Jungseok loved his parents too much, they all did, but Junseok knew there was no point fighting this. Their boss already had their addresses and already there were mobsters monitoring the houses of their loved ones, so in order to ensure their safety, he agreed. Or that’s what he wanted the boss to believe. After agreeing to work in the mob Jungseok walked over to Jeongu and calmly said to him “We need to do this, to protect our families.” It’s clear Jeongu knew what Jungseok was implying, but he wasn’t sure he could do it. He nodded and took a step forward, telling the boss that he agreed too. The boss smiles and he turns his head, distracted for just an instant. Jeongu had gathered his strength and reached into his pocket, quickly grabbing for the gun he had hidden, aiming and firing. 

 

There was a loud bang and then the whole room was dead silent.  Jeongu stands there, shaking, looking like he might cry and Kimseo rushed over to hug him, not saying anything, what was there to say? Jungseok muttered out apologies as he too hugged Jeongu but Jeongu just shook his head and pushed them both away. “He’s a mobster… he-he won’t be killed so easy.” The other six men seemed to be in shock when Jeongu said that and they all watched in stunned silence as he walked over to the boss, got close, and then there was a bang, two of them. Like Jeongu had said, a mob boss wouldn’t be killed so easily. The moment Jeongu pointed his gun at his old boss’s head, he hesitated, for just a second. That second was all the boss needed to fire a shot of his own right into Jeongu’s side. Shocked by the pain of the bullet Jeongu pulled the trigger, killing the boss instantly. 

 

Jeongu collapses to the ground and all six of his friends rush over, there’s panic for only a few moments before Kimjoo took control, instructing Jeongu’s best friend, Kimhyung, to apply pressure to the wound. Kimhyung does as told despite the fact that he’s shaking and crying, softly trying to reassure Jeongu that he’ll be okay. Jeongu doesn’t believe him, but nods anyway. Kimjoo’s next instruction is for Parkmin to tear some fabric off of his shirt so they can have a makeshift bandage for the wound. It takes a few moments but eventually they have a long strip of fabric to wrap the wound with. But before that Kimjoo takes a smaller piece of fabric and folds it up asking Kimhyung to move his hands before placing the folded fabric directly onto of the wound. With that in place, the longer piece of fabric is tied tightly around Jeongu’s waist. 

 

It’s painful to Jeongu and painful to watch too. Alot of it is censored or if it’s too much to be censored then the camera focuses instead on the actors faces and not on the wound. The moments in which the wound is shown on screen are very short and heavily blurred out, not the entire picture, just the bloodiest part. With the makeshift bandage in place the six of them carefully help Jeongu to his feet. We watch as the seven friends leave the warehouse and then the scene cuts to them walking into a hospital where they explain that their friend was shot by someone trying to rob him and that he need help immediately. They had to lie a bit, the truth would likely get them arrested. 

 

Jeongu is taken into the hospital to have the bullet removed and the six friends wait impatiently. Well, five of them wait. Kimhyung had went to the bathroom to wash the blood off of his hands, the movie shows him frantically scrubbing at his hands, desperately trying to get the blood off and even once the blood is all gone he continues to scrub at his hands as if trying to wash the memory away along with the blood. Minki is seen going into the bathroom to retrieve him and talk some sense into him before leading him back to the waiting room where the others are. In the end, I guess it was a happy ending. The gun was smashed with a brick and then thrown into the Han River, Jeongu recovered fully and slowly the seven of them went back to their normal lives. 

 

It ends just like that and Hobi and I slowly start to move, making sure to grab all of our trash as we leave. “I really liked it, what did you think, Hobi?” He shrugs as he throws away our garbage  “It was a really good movie but… it’s one of those plots where if the characters had made a different decision, the rest of the story wouldn’t have happened. But! With this story, they did follow through properly, everyone stayed in character and even though the main plot point was kind of hard to believe the characters stuck to their decision until the very end, and so for that, I like it. But for the plot? Since it was something so unbelievable, I didn’t like it.”  I nod “Yeah, I agree, the plot was kind of stupid, if my boss suddenly disappeared? That gives me the opportunity to find a job that pays me better, fuck trying to find out why he disappeared”

 

Hobi giggles as he takes my hand  “See? Exactly, unless you’re working for family you wouldn’t really have a reason to investigate the disappearance of your boss, and the movie didn’t state that any of them were related to the boss so it makes the plot seem stupid.”  I hum softly in agreement and the two of us walk out of the movie theatre and towards the bus stop. “I’m having a great time with you Hoseok, i’m glad we decided to go out today.” He smiles and hugs me tightly, gently kissing my cheek before pulling away. He holds onto both of my hands as he looks me in the eyes and speaks.  “I’m having a  _ great _ time with you Yoongi. The more time I spend with you, the more I’m so glad that I met you, and i’m glad I didn’t give up on getting to know you better.” 

 

The sudden sincerity and intensity of his gaze makes my whole face heat up. I exhale softly and avert my eyes before responding. “You know what? Me too, i’m glad you decided to speak to me in that club, i’m glad I decided to give you a chance. I don’t want to get too optimistic, because it’s still really early… but I have a feeling things will go well for us.” I slowly turn my head back to look at him and my heart all but melts at the sight. It’s a simple smile, only a little bit of his teeth peaking through his lips, but it’s so genuine and so happy, I can’t help but smile back. He pulls me close and hugs me again and we stay like that for a while before he pulls away. 

 

“Sooo, aquarium?”  I nod and take his hand. “Yeah, let’s go.” We start to walk again but soon come to a stop when I hear someone’s voice. A voice I had hoped i’d never ever hear again, a voice that I used to have full blown nightmares about. A voice, that made my blood run cold the moment I heard it, even my demon had a reaction to the voice.  “Oh my god… Yoongi? Min Yoongi? Is that you?”  I feel  _ sick. _ I want to cry. Why, why does he have to be here, why does he have to be here talking to me on this day? Maybe if I keep walking he’ll go away. He’s behind me after all, he hasn’t seen my face yet. I tighten my grip on Hobi’s hand and keep walking. I won’t let him ruin today for me, I won’t let him have power over me anymore. 

 

“Are you okay…?”  Hoseok whispers the question to me and I just laugh softly, bitterly. “Barely.” I mumble in reply, turning the corner with him in hopes that it’ll be enough to get rid of my ex. I hear rushed footsteps not far behind me and my stomach churns. I can hear my demon start to chuckle softly as it slowly wakes up once more.  _ ‘Look! You hear that don’t you, Yoongi. It’s the man who finally made you realize what a waste you are.’ _ I ignore it. Today’s going to be a good day damnit. I’m on a date with my boyfriend and you know what? He enjoys being around me, and Jin is always telling me about how much he loves me, Jungkook looks up to me in some respect and Namjoon is practically my best friend. They all love me to some extent, Jin, Joon, Kook, they’re my family, and Hobi? He’s new but honestly, from what I've seen, he’s a good person to have as a close friend. Of those four people, none of them think i’m a waste, in fact they’re glad to have met me.

 

They’re all glad that I exist right now, at a time in which I was able to meet them. With Jin and Joon especially, they’re glad I’ve come so far in life despite the challenges I faced and will continue to face. So to my demon, go fuck yourself.  “Hey, uh, excuse me?”  I feel a hand on my shoulder and suddenly I feel weak.  “I know this sounds crazy but… do I know you? You just- you remind me of someone I used to know uh- pretty well actually. I’m sorry, this is really weird isn’t it?”  What are my choices in this situation? Ignore him and walk far away? Turn around and talk to him? Run away? I don’t like the sound of any of these options and a quick glance to Hoseok shows that he’s at a loss at what to do as well. I sigh and slowly turn to face him.

 

The sight of him makes me want to cry. Dark hair, brown eyes, tall and slim, not taller than me though, not anymore. “...Kangdae. I thought you moved. What do you want from me? I’m kind of busy.” He seems shocked and then happy.  “I was uh- I was visiting, my parents? Yeah they kinda um… still live here! I guess you do too? Wow… how are you? I didn’t expect to run into you… but I uh, i’m kinda glad I did. I miss you- you know! As friends I uh-”  I cut him off. “No. No, you don’t miss me, don’t give me that bullshit. Just say what you really want and get the fuck out of my face.” He recoils from my words and I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. He stands and fidgets with his hands, sighing before speaking. 

 

“Look it’s just… neither of us apologized for what was said all those years ago. I know apologizing won’t help the pain or anything but.”  I refuse to let him speak. Letting him speak gives him power over me, feeds the demon, I won’t allow it. “You’re right, it won’t. The damage is already done Kangdae, there’s no going back, the words were already said, the harms already done. I’ve moved on, I don’t need or want you in my life anymore. Besides, you were the one that said you regretted meeting me, remember? Wished we never met and yelled about how that year I invested in your sorry ass was the  _ worst _ mistake you’ve ever made. So, why bother apologizing? What, are you doing it because you feel you need to? Because I know you’re not really sorry in the slightest.”

 

He sighs.  “Yeah but… I've changed.”  I scoff and turn around “Changed your shirt maybe, sure. Come on Hobi, we’ll miss our bus.” Without another word I start to walk again, gently squeezing Hoseok’s hand as we walk away. My heart is still pounding but… I feel I did good. I’m not exactly sure what he wanted from me or why he felt the need to try and talked to me again, but i’m proud of myself, at least, for being able to tell him off without breaking down. Once at the bus stop it’s only a short wait until the bus pulls up. We pay, sit down and that’s when Hoseok pulls me into a tight hug.  “Are you okay, Yoongi? You wouldn’t stop shaking… but you handled it well, i’m proud of you.”  I sigh and lean into the embrace, letting his warmth swallow me whole. “Yeah… I think i’m okay. I feel okay now, just need to get away from him and never see him again.” I feel him press a soft kiss to my forehead and smile softly before pulling away. 

  
“Thanks for checking up on me, but don’t worry, i’m still good. And you promised me an aquarium, i’m not leaving until I see a lizard.”  He giggles.  “We’re still going! If you say your okay to finish this then I trust you. We’ll go to the zoo, i’ll buy you a plushie, then let’s go back to your place and eat?”  I nod “Hell yeah I love that, you know me so well already.” He smiles at me and pulls me close to him, I lay my head on his shoulder, as always, and he places his head on top of mine. Thinking back on it, Hobi’s presence was probably the only reason I could talk to my ex like that without breaking down. I’ve said it multiple times before, something about his presence just has this calming effect on me. I felt myself getting worked up, yes, but I didn’t have the breakdown I was expecting. If he really is part of what helped me stay calm, then i’m grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some lil things I want to share or I feel yall should know:
> 
> movie names:  
> rm- KimJoo  
> jin- Kimseo  
> suga- Minki  
> jhope- Jungseok  
> V- Kimhyung  
> jimin- Parkmin  
> jk- Jeongu
> 
> as for the money stuff, theres this:  
> yoongi:   
> USD- 135.17  
> KRW- 150,000  
> Hoseok:  
> USD- 180.23  
> KRW- 200,000  
> logic:   
> Movie- 10k(KRW), 9.01(USD)  
> Buffet- 7k(KRW), 6.31(USD)  
> Aquarium- 22k(KRW), 19.83(USD)  
> for two people, double everything  
> total for the date:  
> KRW- approx 78k(78,000)  
> USD- approx 70.29


	9. Trivia: I'm... Glad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow i actually wrote only fluff for once, it must be a miracle!  
> please note the next chapter, chapter 10, will be the last uwu  
> thank you for taking this journey with me.

Despite the run in with his ex, the rest of the date went great. We went to the aquarium and it was amazing. The whole time we were there Yoongi was really excited and wide eyed, this perpetual smile on his face at he looked at all the tiny fish. His smile only got bigger once we saw the more colorful fish. My favorite look was the look of pure amazement when we saw the dolphins, he looked at them with wide eyes, his mouth open in awe, too mesmerized to even smile properly at them. Even better was when we got to pet the dolphins and he just smiled the biggest gummiest smile as he looked at me excitedly. 

 

“Hobi this is amazing! They’re so amazing, they’re so big and they feel so smooth.”  My heart melted as I listened to him talk about the dolphins, sitting as close as he can without getting in trouble. “They really seem to like you alot Yoongi.” He nods but before he can reply the dolphin he was petting sprays water on him. We’re both caught off guard by this but when Yoongi recovers he laughs loudly, and the sound is filled with so much happiness it makes me feel warm all over. He stands and steps away from the dolphin.  “I’m soaked!”  He giggles and I can’t help but laugh. “It’s warm outside, hopefully you’ll dry fast.” He nods, not really seeming to care. The smile on his face doesn’t leave, he’s so precious. 

 

He seems even more amazed by the whales, but sadly we can’t get close to them. We did get to see some seals though and after having to pay a little more we were allowed to feed them and Yoongi  _ really _ loved that. It feels like it’s over all too soon, but still Yoongi loved it and so I also loved it, especially since he was so cute. On our way out I went into the gift shop and brought him a big stuffed dolphin that shone in the light. When I gave it to him he could barely hide his happiness and he took it from me as if it were the most precious item in the world.  “Oh Hobi… thank you. God I feel like such a fucking kid but I actually love this so much I don’t think you understand.”  I shake my head. “I understand, I really do.” And honestly, I do understand. I can’t really explain it but I definitely can feel his happiness.

 

Truth is I've always been aware of that, i’m not quite sure why but I’ve always been able to feel how others feel. I don’t question it anymore, I just accept it and use it to help others. That’s mainly where my positive attitude comes from, I feel how others around me feel and in order to help them feel better I do my best to give them a feeling of positivity. It has to work both ways, right? If I can feel their sadness, their anger then surely, if I try hard enough, they can feel my happiness too, and a sense of peace as well. I want to be able to give everyone a piece of peace, so then when they’re finally able to be happy, it’s much more rewarding. Earlier while talking to his ex, Yoongi’s emotions we’re all over the place, it was overwhelming almost. There wasn’t much I could do in terms of talking so instead I focused on peaceful thoughts and did my best to send them to Yoongi.

 

Seeing him now, happy like this without a single care in the world, I can say with certainty that it worked. I’m not sure how, but it did. I wonder if he ever feels like that too, if anyone else feels the things I do. I know when I met his friends it felt like Namjoon might feel things like this too, but I think that’s mostly because I couldn’t feel what he was feeling like I could the others. The more I think about this it seems I only understand less and less. I learn more about this everyday but I still have so many questions. I love this gift of mine, regardless. It’s exhausting but i’m happy to be able to help in whatever ways I can. Especially with the people I love. I love seeing loved ones happy. That’s why it makes me so happy to see Yoongi so happy, I already care about him so deeply, it’s almost scary.

 

The two of us leave the aquarium in very good moods. Once again, hand in hand, we head to the bus stop for the last time today. Yoongi’s hair is still damp, it’s kinda really cute like that.  “Hey, Hoseok? You wanna come back to my house for pizza and then maybe just, watch movies until we pass out?”  I fake a gasp “Yoongi, are you asking me to spend the night at your house? The two of us? All alone.” He rolls his eyes affectionately.  “I just figured you’d like pizza and a movie but if your gonna be like that then nevermind.”  I giggle “Say it~ say you want to cuddle with me. I remember when we took that nap together it was great, say you want that again.” I watch as his cheeks turn pink and he huffs softly.  “Mmmm no, that ain’t it. I figured since we’re going to that dance studio tomorrow i’d save you the extra bus ride but now you’re being annoyingly cute so you can go home now thanks for the dolphin.” 

 

I laugh softly as I pull him into a hug and gently kiss his forehead “I’d still have to get a change of clothes~ but yes. I’ll spend the night with you, we can eat pizza, pretend to watch a movie, and cuddle.” He tries to seem annoyed but the small smile on his face gives him away.  “If you want to cuddle then I  _ guess _ we can cuddle. But if you even try to tickle me i’ll bite your fingers off.”  I shake my head “You sound like a cat. Little kitty Yoongi.” He groans  “Don’t start with this shit, it’s bad enough Jungkook compares me to a cat all the time.”  I perk up “Oooh does he? What does he call you?” He sighs loudly and ignores me in favor of getting onto the bus that pulled up at the stop. I follow not far behind and sit next to him, grinning. 

 

“What does he call you, Yoongi?”  “If I tell you i’ll have to kill you because you’ll probably never stop calling me that and I really don’t want to kill you because I actually like you.”  He leans on me, nuzzling into my shoulder as I wrap my arm around his waist, gently putting my head on top of his. “I won’t be annoying about it~” though we both know that’s a lie. He sighs again, hesitating before saying.  “He calls me ‘lil meow meow’ and frequently suggests that I change my rapper name from Agust D to Lil Meow Meow.”  “Awww that's so cute, my lil meow meow.” I hold him tighter and he groans loudly.  “Fuck off oh my god. You’re so lucky I like you because I can’t stand you.”  I giggle “You know it makes you happy.”

 

He doesn’t reply, but he doesn’t need to, because I can feel his happiness. He’s silently content, even while acting like he’s annoyed, just like a cat would. “Yoonkitty~ I…” I hesitate for half a second before gently shaking my head “I’m really glad I met you.” He nuzzles into me more and I feel my heart grow warmer.  “I’m glad I met you too.”  The rest of the bus ride is silent, the two of us just enjoying each other’s company until we get to the stop near Yoongi’s house. We get off and head straight for his house.  “Okay so what type of pizza are you in the mood for? I usually get pepperoni and sausage but I don’t know, I think i’m in the mood for pepperoni and bacon but with extra of both?”  He walks in and plops down onto his couch and I go to sit next to him after closing the front door behind me.

 

“I like the sound of that but… where are we ordering from?”  “Pizza Hut.”  “Oh then can we get the cheese crust? And maybe I barbecue sauce drizzle.” He looks up from his phone and up at me.  “Cheese crust pepperoni and bacon pizza with barbecue drizzle on it…?”  I nod slowly and he smiles  “Hoseok you’re a fucking genius, i’m so glad I met you.”  My chest fills up with that warm feeling once again, but I can’t figure out if it’s from Yoongi or myself, maybe both? Either way, it makes my heart happy. I pull him close and hold him in my arms as he orders from the Pizza Hut website. This feels so right, sitting and holding him. No, actually, just being near him feels  _ right _ . Like i’m meant to be sitting here with him like this. 

 

The pizza arrives after a while of waiting for it, and we eat in silence before pretending to watch a movie. We talk over the movie for the most part. Then we shower. Not together, it’s way too soon for that. He lets me go first and leaves some clean clothes out for me that fit surprisingly well considering Yoongi’s smaller frame.  “Most of the clothes in my closet are a size bigger than they should be.”  He explains, with a shrug. But I don’t complain. I wait in his room while he showers, and text Jimin and Tae to let them know I won’t be home tonight.  _ Then _ I have to text Jimin explaining that nothing is going to be happening tonight. He doesn’t believe me, but whatever, I don’t care. When Yoongi’s done showering he enters the room, already dressed and lays on the bed with me.  “Hoseok, today was great, thank you so much for actually convincing me to leave my house. I had lots of fun.” 

 

He smiles softly, clearly thinking back on the day as he cuddles close to me and I silently wrap my arms around him and pull him close. “I’m glad we went out too. You were so happy today, I had fun hanging with you.” He sighs softly and softly nuzzles into my chest. He doesn’t say anything for a while, but he’s still awake, I know that much.  “Hoseok why do you have such an effect on me? I don’t usually trust this easily, if I was on a date with literally anyone else today I would have broke down when I saw my ex but… you do something to me. Being near you is just so calming and makes me feel so content and… trusting you feels more like an instinct and less like a choice. But why? Why you? Why does it make me feel this way? It’s frustrating in a way but also welcomed.”

 

I’m quiet for a while, thinking before trying to put my thoughts into words. “I… I don’t know how to explain it really. I’ve never properly made sense of it but… for as long as I can remember I’ve been more in tune with everyone’s feelings. But there’s so much negativity out there, so I try and think of things that make me happy and put me at peace and… I try and project it, I guess? To help ease the negativity everyone else feels. When you were talking to your ex I did that- well, I guess I did it more than usual. I’m always doing it, I want to help as many people I can however I can and if the only way to do that is to give them even the tiniest piece of peace then… it’s worth it.” Yoongi’s quiet for a long time before speaking. 

 

“I understand that, Namjoon taught me about things like that, it’s a little complicated so i’ll ask him to explain it to you next time I think about it. But from what I understand of it, that’s your energy your giving away so willingly all the time, it’s… ugh it’s kinda your life energy? But it’s not really, I guess it’s closer to spiritual energy. But being drained of it is..well not good, so please be careful. Joon taught me about this stuff when my demon would not shut up back in high school and I was always drained, but more than I've ever been before so explained it to me. I’ve made my own energy since then, there’s not much but… it’s more than enough for me. I want to become a rapper so I can share this with others and help them, because I know I can’t just give it out like you are. It’s amazing you haven’t crashed or snapped because of what your doing.”

 

I listen to him closely, I know he’s right. I know i’ll crash one day, but until then I want to help. “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you Yoongi.” He nods before cuddling closer to me and I smile softly, holding him closer. In that moment, I feel it. I can feel Yoongi sharing his positivity with me, and he’s right it’s not much, but it’s strong and encouraging. It’s such a different type of feeling than what i’m used to, it’s a little overwhelming but it’s over pretty quickly as well. “I… felt that, thank you, Yoongi.” I gently kiss his forehead and he smiles softly  “Just remember it’s okay to take breaks every now and then, the world won’t fall apart if you do.”  I think I needed that, because once he’s assured me that the world wouldn’t fall apart, I felt lighter. “Thank you, I needed it.” He nods then sighs softly. 

 

“Today was long I want to sleep but I also like the feeling of being held by you like this.”  I giggle softly and gently run my fingers through his hair. “I’ll still be here when you wake up.” He nods.  “Your so warm and so just...comfortable. Though maybe your warm because i’m so close to you? Either way I like it.”  I smile softly at his words “You should rest, we both should.” He just sighs into my chest, reluctant, mumbling out a ‘fucking fiiiine’ before raising his head to kiss my cheek.  “Night Hobi, sleep well.”  I kiss his cheek in return before settling down to sleep. “Sleep well Yoongi, and good night.” I silently stay awake until Yoongi’s breathing slows, letting me know hes asleep. He just looks so cute, i’m reluctant to close my eyes but soon enough I drift off to sleep with him.

 

When I wake up my head feels heavy, but not in a bad way. I’ve overslept. I got more sleep than what I’m used to. I don’t know what time it is right now, but Yoongi’s room is pretty dark even though I know it’s morning. I glance around the room and notice that he’s covered both windows with posters of the night sky. It’s cute. He’s such a vampire, but i’m more of an anti vampire. I’ve noticed my sleep schedule relies on the sun, so it’s new to me to have the windows covered. There’s no clocks in the room either, Yoongi must really hate time. It’s fine, this feeling in my head will fade the longer i’m awake. For now, there’s a very cute blond boy in my arms.   I focus on Yoongi and the feeling of holding him  close, and it’s a great feeling. 

 

I’m not sure how long it’ll be before he wakes, but I can’t move until he does. I told him i’d still be here when he woke up. So I can’t move. Instead I snuggle into him and gently play in his hair. I can’t reach my phone from this position, so I can’t check the time or even just scroll through Instagram. But cuddling Yoongi is better than that. He just feels so content, he’s having a good dream. It’s so interesting, watching him sleep and just holding him, feeling him. I can tell when something good happens in the dream because he smiles or he just  _ feels _ happier. Why is he this cute and precious? I want to kiss him. I really do. But i’ll be patient and wait another week and a half. I’ll make sure our first kiss is something special. Something we’ll both remember.

 

I continue to just hold him like this, happy just to know he’s happy. It’s so calming that I almost slip back into sleep, until I feel Yoongi groan softly into my chest and I can tell he’s just  little annoyed. He’s waking up.  “Mmmmmmhobiiiii?”  I gently kiss his forehead. “Yes, yoongi?” He’s quiet for a very long while before sighing softly.  “Nevermind… good morning.”  I smile at him “Good morning Yoongi~ did you sleep well?” He nods.  “Too well, now I don’t want to move. But i’m hungry and need to brush my teeth and shit, I don’t know… I don’t feel like fixing my hair fuck that… mmm but I do want breakfast.”  I chuckle “I can make you breakfast while you work on getting out of bed?”  “Oh I would fucking love that, thank you.”  He sighs happily and I smile more, kissing his cheek before slowly getting out of bed. I stretch a bit before making my way to the kitchen.

 

It’s my first time cooking in Yoongi’s house all alone. Last time he was here too so it’s all up to me to see what he has to eat and make that. After some searching I figure I can make a nice little traditional Korean breakfast for him. It’s been a while since I've made something like this even for myself. Even so I get to work steaming rice, cutting up vegetables and meat, nothing complex just some simple bulgogi and a nice little little soup that I like to make out of cucumbers, green beans and just a little bit of kimchi. I don’t really make much banchan, just 2 of them, one being namul which I personally love and the other being kongjaban. Yoongi only makes his way to the kitchen just as I’m finishing up.  “What did you make…? I hope you didn’t make alot I hate going food shopping.”  I shake my head. 

 

“It’s not much, some rice, bulgogi, my special soup, namul and kongjaban.” He sits down at the table and watches me cook.  “I hope you made sure those greens were still good.”  I nod. “I did, don’t worry~” I start to turn off the stove having finished cooking the last dish and start to serve everything. Most of the food can go onto a single plate but the soup, obviously, has to go in a bowl. I set the two plates and bowls onto the table before sitting down.  “Thank you, i’ll eat well.” Yoongi says softly as he starts to eat and I nod, replying instinctively with “I hope you eat deliciously.” I begin to eat as well, i’m proud of myself, it tastes really good. Yoongi seems to be enjoying it as well because he can’t stop smiling as he eats.  “You never told me you could cook Hobi, i’m gonna need to make you do this more often.”  I giggle.

 

“Thank you, I tried my best just for you~” He rolls his eyes but I can see his cheeks turn a little pink. The rest of breakfast is silent aside from the sound of chopsticks on ceramic. When we both finish Yoongi stands and takes all the dishes.  “I’ll clean up, you should go brush your teeth, I left a spare toothbrush out for you.” I stand “Thank you~” I go and give his cheek a quick little kiss before heading off to brush my teeth and fix my hair. When i’m done I go to find my clothes from yesterday.  “Hobi?”  I look up at Yoongi who’s standing in the doorway of his bedroom.  “I have this outfit somewhere in my closet that doesn’t fit at all, it might be a loose fit on you too, you can use that to dance in if you want?”  I smile softly.

 

“Let me see it?” He nods and heads over to his closet, which is a complete mess, but I don’t comment on it. He shifts through it before pulling out a shirt and pants. At first i’m a little confused as to why something like that is hanging in the closet, it’s a simple blue short sleeved shirt with a pair of sweatpants to go with them, also in blue. “Why was this in the closet?”  “I was tired of seeing it in my drawer but too lazy to throw it out.”  I chuckle and take it from him, holding the shirt against my chest. “Mmm yeah, this should work.” Gently putting the shirt on the bed I hold the pants to my waist and nod. “Okay, thank you Yoongi~ Is it okay if I cut the pants shorter?” He shrugs  “Go crazy I don’t care, the sharp scissors are in the kitchen.”  I walk past him to the kitchen to get the scissors then come back to cut the pants into shorts.

 

I take the extra fabric and throw it out before folding the shirt and pants up, I don’t need to wear them now, i’ll change into them at the studio. I watch as Yoongi goes to pull out two outfits for himself and a big bag, gently putting the bag on the floor before putting one of the outfits in the bag and then putting the blue outfit he gave me into the bag as well. Having found my own clothes from yesterday I strip down to my boxers to get changed and I hear Yoongi mutter a  ‘fucking hell’  and I glance over to see him turning away from me. “Oh- sorry! I’m used to changing in front of others, I didn’t even think to check if you were okay with it.” He shakes his head.  “That’s not the problem, but thank you for apologizing.”  He doesn’t say anything else and just starts to change himself so I shrug and continue changing.

 

“What time is it right now anyways?”  I shrug “Haven’t checked, let me check now.” I go to grab my phone and turn it on. “It’s noon. Classes start at 1:30, we should start heading over, we can walk? Enjoy the day.” He nods  “It’s bright as fuck but sure okay, let’s go for a walk.”  He picks the bag of clothes up off the floor and goes to grab his shades and his keys before leaving the house and I follow close behind. I take hold of his free hand and we walk together. It’s a slow walk, the day is too beautiful to rush. Besides, we’d be extra early if we did rush. We just take it slow, stopping to look at flowers or feed birds, enjoying the shade under the trees. 

 

We arrive at the studio with 15 minutes to spare and use that time to get changed and put our stuff away in a locker. Dance class goes very well, not much happens, just the usual. We stretch together, the instructor shows us moves we dance. It’s lots of fun, dancing with Yoongi, the two of us go really well together even the instructor thinks so. We’ll both make small mistakes here and there but we either correct each other or turn that mistake into part of our own style. After all, there’s no fun in dancing if everyone’s the same. My favorite part about dance class today was when I was asked to showcase a dance of my own making. I knew this was coming, but Yoongi had no idea. I hate mentioning it, because it makes it sound like i’m bragging, but i’m one of the top three best dance students here. Once a month, me, the teacher and the other top 3 students showcase a dance we choreographed ourselves.

 

I’ve been in top three for a while now. I do a few quick little stretches before going to set up the music I had prepared. I let the dance instructor know what song to play before taking my place in the center of the room, facing the other students with a small smile. “I’m ready!” The instructor plays the song and with a quick little deep breath I start to dance. The movements are already committed to memory, I simply let my body move to the rhythm. It’s such a natural feeling for me, dancing, it’s almost as natural as breathing, that’s how much I love dancing. My movements feel fluid, like water, but I know that’s not the case. The dance I've prepared for class this month takes some dance elements from modern western hip-hip, some moves learned here in class, and of course my own personal style thrown in.

 

So while it feels like i’m moving effortlessly, I’m sure that it’s much more interesting to watch than that. I feel my heartbeat accelerate and I’m just filled with all this happiness. I can’t help all the little happy smiles or cocky smirks that show on my face after doing a certain move. I keep my breathing even as I move, completely lost in it all. I’m a little disappointed as I hear the song coming to an end, but this is the climax, I put my all into the dance moves. I’m nothing more than an explosion of energy and passion. As the music reaches its end so does my dance. When I finish I take a look at all the faces. Some jealous, much more amazed and awestruck. The room erupts into applause as I gasp in breaths, panting softly as I smile, taking a bow before going to sit down next to Yoongi.

 

“I’d expect nothing less from my number one student!”  The instructor boasts and I blush, embarrassed. Yoongi hands me a bottle of water and I gladly take it, gulping down the water just as one of the other students show of their dance.  “I didn’t know you were number one”  Yoongi whispers to me, barely audible over the music, I shrug. “I don’t like bragging…” I whisper back and he grows quiet as we watch the other student dance. We sit through one more dance before the class ends. Yoongi and I change back into the clothes we arrived in and start to head back.  “Seriously, you’re a great dancer Hobi! I knew you were good but I didn’t think you were  _ that _ good. You must be really passionate about dancing, study it often, right?” 

 

I nod, smiling with pride “Since I was a kid! I’ve always loved dancing and so I started studying young, I practiced lots on my own till mama was able to afford dance classes for me then I started learning both in class and in my free time at home until I got to where I was now.” Yoongi nods.  “So like me and my piano then. I always had that passion, I swear, I was born to love him. When I was old enough to know what he was I had grandpa teach me, taught myself, took classes, hell I even did a few recitals.”  I perk up “Did you really?! I’d love to have seen one. I did a recital or two once too, mama has them recorded, every last one, if your interested, I’ll ask her to send over the footage?” 

 

Yoongi nods  “I’d love that. I’ll see if my parents recorded any of my recitals too, you might like to see one.”  “Yes yes yes yes I would love to see your recital videos!” He rolls his eyes.  “Consider it done.”  The two of us  head back to Yoongi’s house to eat but then I have to go back home. On my way out I hug Yoongi tightly and kiss his forehead. “Let’s hang out again soon, okay?” He nods, giving me the cutest little half smile.  “I look forward to it.”  I stand there stupidly as my heart melts from his smile before giving a small wave and heading home. By time I’m home, i’m pretty tired. It’s already pretty late and it was a long day. I walk into my shared dorm wondering what weird thing i’ll see this time. I walk in on Jimin feeding Taehyung baby food. It takes all of my willpower not to walk back out.   
  


“I’m home, what are you two doing?” Jimin groans, shoving the baby food into Tae’s hands.  “His tongue is still healing from the stupid piercing so he can only eat soft food and since I suggested baby food he’s eating baby food.”  I nod as I listen to Jimin ramble and turn my attention to Taehyung, who’s smiling like a Cheshire cat.  “He lost a bet last night and so now he has to feed me baby food all day long.”  I sigh. “One day, i’ll walk in on you two doing something that’ll actually surprise me. Today isn’t that day. I’m just… I  _ expected _ something like this!” I sit on my bed with a loud sigh. “Have fun feeding your baby boy Jimin, and Tae, I hope Jungkook’s not the jealous type.” Tae shakes his head.  “He gave me the idea for the dare!”  Of course he did. I don’t even know Jungkook personally yet, but from what I've heard, he definitely is that type of person. “Well. i’m sleepy so I’m going to bed. I’ll tell you both all about my day with Yoongi tomorrow, okay? For now, good night and Jimin you better clean whatever dishes you made before i’m awake.”  “I didn’t-”  I cut him off “You almost never do your own dishes, enough is enough park Jimin.” Half awake, I change into my night clothes, text Yoongi that i’m home, then lay down to sleep. 


	10. Trivia: My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> welcome, to the final chapter that killed me in all the good ways. there's a format change somewhere in here. it changes from narration style to text style. please enjoy the finale, and thank you so much for reading, i sincerely hope you enjoyed this ride.  
> comments are very welcome as is feed back, constructive criticism etc.

It’s been a full week since Hoseok and I last hung out. He had gotten a part time job so he hasn’t been very available. We still video chat once a day though, which is nice. As for me, the day after Hobi went on that big date I got a call from my boss saying he was back from his vacation and that the shelter would be opened again and so I also had to go back to work. It’s okay though, i’ll have more money now. Besides, Jin is planning to go to Lotte World this Wednesday so it all works out. Today’s a Monday, I volunteered to work this weekend so i’d have extra money for Lotte World. It was difficult, Saturday’s and Sunday’s are usually the days where I don’t leave bed but I went out and worked anyway. It wasn’t even part time work, I was there all day long.

 

I don’t mind, at least I was surrounded by animals all day, I missed them. I have to work again today but i’m not due in until five so for now i’m relaxing. I throw some food in the microwave and when it’s ready I go and sit on the couch. I get all nice and comfortable and start to eat when, of course, the doorbell rings. I groan loudly and consider ignoring it- in fact, I will ignore it. I continue to eat, lazily watching TV when the doorbell rings again. Sighing, I stand and walk over to the door. “What do you want-” I say as I open the door only to be greeted by the sun shining brightly on my doorstep. “Yoongi!~” Hobi’s excited voice calls out and I smile softly myself as he pulls me into a hug. “Hobi, what are you doing here? You should have called ahead.”

 

“Sorry~ I just missed you so I wanted to stop by and surprise you.” I nod as he slowly lets go of me. “You see my every morning you couldn’t have missed me that much… my house is a mess, you have to call ahead next time, okay? Come on…” I pull Hoseok inside, a little annoyed at having unexpected company but also unable to tell him to go away. “I’ll be sure to call ahead from now on, don’t worry.” I nod, silently muttering a ‘thank you’ as I sit down and continue eating. He sits next to me and gets comfortable, a small smile on his face. “How are you? Have you been sleeping well?” I shrug “I sleep… i’m doing okay, what about you? How’s the job going?” He hums softly, thinking of his answer before responding. “It’s alright, could be worse.” I nod and the room goes quiet.

 

I finish eating before going to put my bowl in the sink, when I return to the living room I sit in Hobi’s lap and lean into him. “I have work later but we can hang out for a few hours, I wanted to tell you something anyways so I guess this worked out well.” He wraps his arms around my wait, pulling me a little closer to him before nuzzling into my neck. “Really? Will you be saying the L word to me?~” He teases and I roll my eyes, gently bumping my head into his. “No, the fuck? We haven’t even reached two weeks yet.” He giggles. “I know~ I remember your guidelines don’t worry. But on a serious note, what did you want to tell me?” I sigh, giving this a second thought.

 

Do I really want to tell him about that story? Will this relationship really evolve into something more stable? More serious? Am I setting myself up for failure? I can feel my demon stirring from his slumber as I think about this and that’s the _last_ thing I need. So without giving it any further thought, I speak. “I wanted to tell you about my last relationship and… by extension the reason why I  haven’t dated anyone since high school… it might even explain why i’m so hesitant to let you in so, listen closely, okay?” He doesn’t respond verbally. He responds by sitting up straighter and gently shifting so he can get a better look at me. One look into his eyes tells me all I need to hear. _‘I’m listening. I won’t judge, go ahead.’_ Taking a deep breath I nod and figure out where to start.

 

“So… I was a junior in high school when I met him. Kangdae. He was the classic shy type and at the time I was more of a loner so it seemed perfect for us to become friends. About two months into high school there was this new food place that opened up, made the best food I had ever tasted at the time and they had a Valentine’s special where couples got half off. He was single, I was single, we were both poor, so we said we were a couple to get that half off special. What we didn’t know was that they made things super romantic for the couples so we’re eating and talking and he stops eating, puts his chopsticks down, looks me in the eyes and says. ‘You wanna just make this official?’ I laugh but nod. And so we became a real couple that day.”

 

Hobi smiles softly at me as I continue to speak. “We’re trapped in the honeymoon phase for the rest of junior year, obnoxiously cuddling and kissing and saying ‘I love you’ every five seconds, it was disgusting, but we were in love. Now, Kangdae, he had two demons, one of his demons were like mine the other was anxiety. But that didn’t matter, we did our best to help each other, we loved and supported each other like any good couple should. A month before summer break I guess the honeymoon phase died because all of a sudden all the things he did as a result of is anxiety were annoying me, his depressive episodes would overlap with mine in the worst ways possible. I’d see him struggling with a depressive episode while I myself was going through one and I would think of him as weak for not being able to handle it like I did.”

 

I sigh, taking a breath before slowly continuing. “I’m not sure who started it, the first fight, but I know everything went wrong that day. My demon was awake and thriving, I couldn’t leave bed because I felt so drained but I couldn’t stay in bed either because the demon kept whispering about how… well, you can fill in those blanks. It wasn’t anything positive. To no one’s surprise Kangdae was in a similar state but he was out at a family reunion, depressed and anxious he texted me, needed to vent and I listened. I’d comfort him and he’d vent a bit more and then… something was said, and the other got defensive and said something mean and got something mean said in return, it went on like that for a while before I just threw my phone across the room and broke down.”

 

I have to take a pause, calming myself and reminding myself of all the great people in my life. “The things said… they were terrible. See, often times with demons like my own and Kangdae’s you put yourself down- or… I guess it’s more like attacking yourself. So whenever we fought, the negative things we’d usually it and think to ourselves about ourselves, we said to each other. Which only gave our demons more power over us, it was disgusting, some of my worst breakdowns were caused by him and some of his worse were caused by me and we each used the fact that we were hurting someone we loved to hurt ourselves more. We stayed together though. Despite the pain caused by each other we stayed.”

 

I gently nuzzle into Hoseok, silently seeking comfort as I continue. “Over the summer his situation at home got worse and it seemed like he was in an eternal depressive episode, which just… drained me. Like, I loved him, and I wanted to help him but there was only so much I could do, only so much I could say and I felt like I had already done and said everything that I could. By time senior year started… I just wanted to end it between us. I wasn’t making things better, I wasn’t making them worse anymore either because we both grew tired of arguing and just didn’t do it anymore. The emotions between us had just died out. Neither of us were getting the mental help we needed to be okay on our own and we were trying to use each other to fix ourselves, keep ourselves together but that’s not the right way to deal with what we were dealing with.”

 

Hoseok gives a small nod and a soft sigh. I pause for a few moments to see if he wants to speak but when he doesn’t, I keep talking. “I at least was seeing a therapist, he wasn’t, his parents said he didn’t need it. We grew apart during our senior year but still couldn’t muster up the courage to break things off. Then he broke up with me. That was our last argument. He was venting, being vague and I told me ‘you don’t have to hide details, i’m here for you.’ and he snapped ‘I wouldn’t need to keep details from you if you didn’t make me feel like shit for sharing with you.’ and so we argued, again. Then at the end he tells me. ‘I regret ever meeting you, Min Yoongi. Choosing to be your boyfriend was one of the worst decisions I've ever made, you’ve done nothing but break me down all year, I can’t take it anymore. I’m not going to be your boyfriend anymore.’ and so I told him if that’s how he felt he could leave… and he did.”

 

Hobi grabs my hand and squeezes it and I nod silently in thanks. “I’ve never has a clean or ‘good’ breakup. They’ve all been ugly, half of them in a fit of anger, all of them hurt me but that one? I knew it was coming but nothing could prepare me for what he had said. My demon took complete control for a whole month I almost failed all of my classes.  It was terrible. But Jin came over with Namjoon and Jungkook and they literally dragged me out of bed, forced me to shower, brush my teeth, my hair. They nagged me until I played the piano for them- literally they made me sit in front of it with my hands on the keys and gently coaxed me into playing as I sat there and silently cried.”

 

“I just kept shaking my head ‘I can’t, what’s the point? Let me go back to my bed.’ But they wouldn’t leave, they sat with me, hugged me, gave me words of encouragement. It was Jungkook that finally got me to play. He waited until everyone else was silent and said ‘hyung, how do you play hall of the mountain king? Is it like this?’ and he started playing twinkle twinkle little star but in all the wrong notes, it sounded terrible, I pushed him away and played hall of the mountain king and when I was done I couldn’t stop. I just played and I played. They cried, I cried, but I got all that raw negativity out. Then they forced me to go to an arcade when I finally stopped. They fed me and made sure I drank lots of water. I still hurt, and my demon was still very much awake but… because of them I was able to move at least.”

 

“I went, saw my therapist, talked to my parents, talked to the trio, stayed out of my room as often as I could. I’d often just hang around in playgrounds. It might sound weird because I can’t stand children but… when my demons awake and whispering to me, I like to watch kids play in the playground, just innocently without a care in the world… it makes me feel better somehow. Makes me believe that the world isn’t as harsh as it seems because pure happiness like that still exists. I came out of it all okay, stronger even but… there’s still a small fear of something similar happening, of being hurt again, of getting too close and I felt you needed to know, just in case.”Hobi nods and pulls me into a tight hug.

 

“Thank you for telling me, Yoongi, especially since it’s something that affects you so much. But you don’t have to worry. I’ll never treat you badly, not even if i’m upset with you. I care about you alot, you know? And when you care about someone, no matter what happens, you treat them with love, respect, and kindness. I also hope we won’t have to argue. People always get talking confused with arguing. Disagreements are natural and healthy and we should be able to talk out those disagreements without it turning into an argument.” I sigh softly, relieved.

 

“I’m glad you see it that way. Thank you for listening and reassuring me.” I nuzzle into his chest, leaning into the hug as I allow myself to calm down. I feel him gently run his fingers through my hair and I feel him lazily rub circles into my back. I can smell is cologne, feel the rise and fall of his chest with each breath. I know he’d never hurt me, not on purpose. I take great comfort in that. When I pull away he gives me a warm smile. “So, Yoonkitty, when do you go to work? I don’t want you to be late.” I groan at the nickname. “Stop that- I have to be in by five I still have time. So maybe… maybe we can cuddle until I have to get dressed.” He chuckles softly but still, we sit and we cuddle.

 

The day passes by quickly after that. I take lots of pictures of the puppies at work for Hobi and send them to him. He loves them, it makes me smile. By time Tuesday comes i’m almost too excited to focus at work. Tomorrow is finally Wednesday, we get to go to Lotte World. It’s technically a triple date but also just a group outing. Me, Jin, Hobi, Joon, Kook, Tae, and Jimin, all seven of us are going so we can get to know each other better. But with most of us being part of a couple… I feel really bad for Jimin. I will make an effort to make Jimin feel included but Hobi and I are still in the honeymoon phase, as are Taehyung and Jungkook, Joon and Jin are most likely to actually make Jimin feel included.

 

I don’t know Jimin too well but still, I don’t want him to feel left out.  Even so… Wednesday marks my second week with Hobi, so he might try to kiss me, and I might let him. But, that’s not important. Tuesday night, after work, Jin sends a text to the group chat we’re all in. I get ready for bed as I read through the texts.

 

_Hyung: I hope you’re all still awake and not busy._

_Hyung: Joonnie and I decided how tomorrow will go._

_Hyung: We stay as a group, each of us picks a ride we want to go on and we all ride it together. We do that either for an hour or until everyone had picked two rides for the group to go on._

_Hyung: for the next hour we all go off do as we please, we meet back after that hour to eat and ride a few more rides together before going home._

_Vapeboy: why the split up?_

_Jimin: I think we all know why there’s a split up._

_Hyung: well we’re going there to bond and Namjoon and I thought a break from bonding would be nice._

_Brat: is it because Jimin is single and the rest of us aren’t? And if thats the case does that mean I can’t kiss tae-tae?_

_Smartass: we’re just worried Jimin would feel left out surrounded by couples_

_Smartass: and yes, please try not to kiss while we’re together as a group. We’re bonding as friends tomorrow._

_Hobi_ : _what time are we meeting again?_

_Me: fuck me in the morning_

_Hyung: he means 10:30_

 

I groan as I put my phone to charge and on silent. Sighing I settle into my bed, ready to force myself to sleep so I can have some energy for tomorrow. It takes a while before I finally do sleep, when I do I dream. It makes very little sense as always but it’s a very happy dream. From what I do remember, I can see Hobi’s smiling face, his eyes all serious as he holds my hands. I’m not sure what was happening beyond that, but just that alone makes me wake up with a smile. Even if it is nine in the morning.

 

I pause as I sleepily look at my phone screen. Nine…? I squint my eyes at the screen, three missed alarms. I’m meeting everyone at the train station in an hour and a half. I was supposed to wake up an hour ago. I sigh loudly “fucking… shiiiit.” I groan as I force myself out of bed and into the bathroom for a quick shower. I make sure to brush my teeth really well before slowly walking out of the bathroom and to the kitchen. _Breakfast_. I should make a quick breakfast. Right? Fuck it. I’ll eat at Lotte World anyways it’s fine. Sighing I go to get dressed, grabbing my shades and a hat before leaving the house. The sun is annoyingly bright even with the shade from my hat and the tint from my sunglasses helping.

 

I double check for my keys and my phone before locking the door and going to the bus stop. I’m still only half awake as I ride to the train station, it’s a struggle to stay awake. When I get to my stop I get off the bus and look around. Where are the others? I check the group chat, Jin sent a picture of him near the station to Seoul. That’s easy enough to find. Reading further down shows a general panic. It’s mostly Jungkook asking in all caps ‘WHERE’S YOONGI?!’ and saying things like ‘HYUNG HURRY UP THERE’S ONLY FIVE MINUTES TO 10:30 WE’LL LEAVE WITHOUT YOU’ I _know_ i’m cutting it close. Fucking hell that kid…

 

I yawn as I make my way over to the train station, the others see me before I can really pick them out of the crowd. “Come on grandpa we’re gonna miss the train because of you!” Jungkook calls to me and I roll my eyes, flipping him off the moment he’s close enough to see. “I slept through my alarms…” I tell Jin before he can even ask where I've been. He sighs softly but still nods in response. “Well at least you made it. Come on, they’re boarding already.” I nod and follow them. Someone grabs my hand, I look and see Hobi, smiling softly. “Did you sleep well?” I cover my mouth with my free hand as I yawn again, shaking my head a bit before turning back to Hoseok.

 

“No. Not really, I slept okay but I didn’t get enough sleep.” He gives me a sympathetic look as he nods. “The train ride is pretty long, you can nap on the way there.” I give him a cocky little smile “That’s the plan. I’ll bond with everyone after my nap…” Hobi giggles softly as we enter the train. The seven of us sit near each other, making sure to grab up a nice little cluster of seats so we can all be close together. Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung all sit in one row of seats while me, Jin, Namjoon and Hoseok sit behind them. Once we’re all settled in everyone starts talking. I simply cuddle into Hobi, getting comfortable with my head on his shoulder before quickly falling asleep.

 

I’m awoken a while later because I can’t breathe. I know it’s Jungkook’s bitch ass holding my nose.  I grab his wrist tightly and twist and I hear him laugh as I open my eyes to glare at him. I grab his wrist with my other hand and twist his wrist harder until he finally whimpers and pulls away. “Yoongiiiiiii you broke it!” He whines and I sigh as I sit up. “No I didn’t shut up.” I hear Hobi giggle next to me and I turn to face him. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” He gives me a bashful look. “You were just so cute… and you kept smiling and I couldn’t bring myself to make you stop smiling.” I wish I could be annoyed with him but he’s really fucking cute and he looks like one of those small puppies back at the animal shelter so instead of getting upset my dumb heart just sits there and melts. “Okay.” My voice is way too sweet as I say that. Sitting up I look around to make sure I have my hat, my shades, my wallet then I get off the train with the others. There’s still a quick bus ride to Lotte World but when we get there the whole group shuts up and looks at it in awe. What we’re seeing from the front gates isn’t even a  small portion of what’s inside. You could feel the excitement buzzing through the air.

 

“Alright… come on, let’s go get our tickets.” Namjoon’s voice snaps us out of our stupor and half of us nod while the others silently follow. “Tae-tae, me you and Kookie? We have got to go to the magic island during and go on the really scary rides later.” I hear Jimin say softly. “Ooooh Jin hyung Jin hying pleaaaase make sure we get tickets for the magic island too!” Jin sighs at Jungkook’s request and I just shake my head sympathetically. Kookie’s a big kid, I don’t know what Jin expected. While Jin and Namjoon are busy buying tickets me, Hobi, Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin look at a list of all the rides and read over the descriptions, talking excitedly about which ones we want to go on, or avoid.

 

By time Namjin returns everyone’s already picked two or three rides that they want to go on so without Jin even asking what we want to do first we head into the amusement park. We stop only momentarily for a game of rock paper scissors to see who gets to pick the first ride but from there it’s non stop rides. Jungkook makes us go through the Tomb of Horror, which is as scary as it sounds and only makes me want to hit him more. Taehyung makes it ride the Wind Valley which isn’t as bad as I expected it to be. Jimin made us take the Flume Ride which annoyingly got everyone a little wet but I guess it’s fine since its summer. We’re all able to pick two ride each and go on them all together as a group before the hour is up.

 

“Remember. We all meet up near the front entrance in an hour. It’s fine if your a little late but please try not to be.” Jin warns us after our last ride. “We know we know. We all have our phones anyways, we’ll text you if we’re late.” Jin nods, satisfied, and the seven of us split off into three groups. Jin and Namjoon and me and Hobi obviously go off on our owns but to my surprise Jimin takes along with Jungkook and Taehyung. If he’s comfortable with that then who am I to care? Hoseok takes my hand and together we slowly just walk around.

 

Wanting to talk a bit we go on the Drunken Basket, which is pretty much your standard spinning teacup ride. “Are you having fun so far, Hoseok?” He gives me a bright smile. “I am! I get along really well with your friends, and I really enjoy speaking with Namjoon, he’s so insightful!” I nod “Yeah I told you he’s a smart bitch, he’s lots of fun too, in his own ways.” Hoseok hums in agreement. “Jin’s really fun too, his sense of humor is… but, you know, he’s still funny.” I roll my eyes. “The corny dad jokes are _not_ funny but he thinks he’s funny when he tells them and that’s what makes them entertaining.” He gently nudges me. “Don’t be rude! He makes some pretty decent jokes but just…. Well, you know. But he’s cool- oh! And Jungkookie is the cutest little baby boy ever how could you ever want to punch him in the face? He’s such a sweet boy and cute, sure he’s a little mischievous but- he’s a bunny boy! You can’t be mad at the bunny boy.” I scoff “I’m going to punch the bunny boy in the face. Someday soon too, I can tell.” He shakes his head at me. “You can’t hurt the bunny boy it’ll break my heart. “

 

“I’m gonna hit him so hard he’ll fly across the room.” We both laugh “Nooooo but he’s a bunny! You can’t I won’t let you!” Hoseok hugs me tightly and nuzzles into my neck, distracting me for a moment before tickling me. I gasp sharply and try to grab his hands but it’s too late. I’m already being tickled, and laughing, and the moment he lets go of me i’m going to get my revenge. I manage to push him off and away, he’s smiling brightly at me as the last of my laughter dies out. I hear him sigh softly, caught in awe as he speaks. “Wow… I _love_ you.”

 

It’s something that’s unexpected and neither of us even realize that the L word has been said until a few minutes have passed. A small confused smile lingers on my face as I turn to him. “You… what?” He hesitates for a moment and I can feel the ride slowing to a stop. He’s surprised himself that he’s said it but he repeats himself anyways. “I… I love you, Yoongi. I really love you.” Hearing those words again after so long is overwhelming and makes me feel numb. I’m not sure if it’s a good numb or what but it makes me feel numb, even my heart is hesitant. “Oh. Okay, thanks”The words tumble out of my mouth clumsily and I see a flash of pain in Hoseok’s eyes as he chuckles softly.

 

“Y-you’re welcome…” His voice sounds dead as he replies. I want to throw myself away. I want to go back in time by one minute so I could slap the shit out of myself before I even give that stupid ass reply. With the ride stopped there’s literally no reason to stay here. None, at all. “Let’s um- the rides over let’s go do something else.” He nods and gives me a small smile and it doesn’t feel real at all and it hurts my heart. He takes my hand and walks off with me. We wander around in silence as we look for which ride we want to go on next. Unlike usual the silence is awkward and heavy, it makes me sick. Why did I respond like that? Don’t I feel the same? What’s stopping me from saying it back? Am I really that scared of being hurt?

 

We decide to take the World Monorail to the magic island so we can ride the Comet Express. We’re silent the whole way there and that silence is only broken by our screams on the Comet Express. We both seem to silently forget about what happened earlier for now and just enjoy ourselves. We excitedly walk over to different rides and have fun on them. It’s not until we’re walking back to the World Monorail to get back to the main part of the theme park that I stop. “Hey, Hoseok?” He slows to a stop and faces me “Yes, Yoongi?” I can feel myself getting nervous. It’s just like all those ‘ _almost_ ’s. How i’d almost tell him I loved him, or how he’d almost tell me he loved me. But now it’s real. Now it’s actually about to happen and I feel like I might cry as I get ready to say these words.

 

“Hoseok I… I l-fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck- nevermind oh my god fuck that shit- i’m going to die- i’d rather die-” I groan. Covering my face with my hands. I’m going to implode what the fuck is this so hard for? Even though i’m frustrated at myself I can feel Hoseok’s soft understanding gaze on me and it eases my heart and convinces me that I can do it, I can say this. Demon and fear of being hurt be damned. “I love you too. Hoseok, I love you. I love you so much, you drive me so crazy and I hate what you do to me, your in my thoughts, my dreams, my heart and I just- fuck. Oh my god… I just said that out loud…” Despite the slight panic I feel lighter.

 

Every last fiber of my being is happy. Heart, mind, body and soul, all of me is happy. My heart is racing a mile a minute as I slowly move my hands away from my face and look up to see Hoseok. The look on his face is truly priceless, and it’s a look I've never seen in real life before. It’s a look I've only ever seen in cheesy romance movies, and maybe once in my dreams. But the way he’s looking at me right now, it’s like his eyes are saying _‘this man standing in front of me right now is the most precious man in the universe.’_ It’s a look that says _‘I have genuinely never been more in love with anyone else in my life. You and you alone have won all the love in my heart and I am going to cherish you and this love from now until the day I die.’_

 

It’s overwhelming. It’s so overwhelming, I thought a love like this only existed in fiction and I surely never thought anyone would ever look at me like that. I feel that all too familiar warning that tells me i’m going to cry and before I can force the tears back they’re rolling down my cheeks. But Hoseok doesn’t see me as weak, if anything his eyes soften to say _‘You are truly so precious..’_ He steps forward and pulls me into a tight hug. “Don’t cry, my love.” His voice is so soft and soothing but for some reason hearing those words just makes me want to cry more.

 

I hug him back as I silently cry into his shirt, slowly pulling away once i’m sure they’ve stopped. I sigh as I wipe at my face. “Sorry… for crying and for earlier. I panicked earlier and just now I… the way you looked at me, I never thought i’d have someone look at me with such strong emotion.” His hand gently cups my cheek and he looks into my eyes. “You don’t have to be sorry. I understand, you’ve been hurt lots, love this strong is new to you isn’t it? It’s new to me too.” I nod a little bit, getting lost in his eyes as he gently rubs his thumb against my cheek. “I love you Yoongi, I love you alot.” I find myself gulping softly.

 

“I love you too.” The words leave my lips as barely a whisper and Hoseok smiles softly. I feel myself being drawn to him, I watch as he leans in. It’s okay. This is okay. I want this more than anything, I don’t care if we’re standing here in an amusement park right now. I love him, and he loves me and I want to feel that. My eyes flutter close as our lips meet, it’s such a soft and simple kiss but still it feels like there’s fireworks exploding inside of my heart. This single moment, this moment of our lips on lips, his arm wrapped around my waist, holding me close as his hand cups my cheek. It’s the single happiest moment of my life so far. And as we stand there and kiss for a few seconds that feel like an eternity, I know and feel deep in my heart that with Hoseok I have many more purely happy moments like this.

 

I pull away from him and I can’t help but feel dazed. I could spend the rest of eternity in his arms and it still wouldn’t be long enough. I could spend the rest of this lifetime and the next with Hoseok and only Hoseok and it still wouldn’t have been enough time spent with him. He gives me another one of those smiles that tells me just how much he loves me without words. “Come on, Yoongi. We’re going to be late to meet up with the others.” I nod, smiling as I take his hand and together we walk to the meeting spot. As I walk with him all I can think of is the warmth of his hand in mind, the warmth in his eyes whenever he looks at me and the warmth in his smile whenever he smiles at me.

 

I think about it. All the warmth I feel from him and all the happiness he brings into my life, all the comfort. I think about all this as I walk with him, and I reach a conclusion. Yes, I've been through lots of pain in the pass, lots of failed relationships and lots of bullshit. I’m broken in some ways, and I've worked hard to get to where I am. I’ve made so many questionable choices and I've been unsure of myself in so many different things. But there’s one thing i’m sure of. One single thing that I know is absolutely true, and that thing, the conclusion I've made, is this:

 

Meeting Hoseok, and giving him a chance, was the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m glad I met him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real quick this ending made me cry both bc the emotions are so beautiful and im sad to end this fic but all things gotta come to an end even tho my heart is all :( over it. i hope you guys felt the emotion in it too.  
> ALSO before i forget lmao, the names for the text portion are the names Yoongi has everyone saved under, brat is Kookie, Vapeboy is Tae, Smartass is Joon and Hyung is Jin.


End file.
